Random Ramblings

To: The Supreme Ruler(s) of the Universe
known aliases: God, Jehovah, Allah, Zeus, Odin, Thea, Gaia, Anima, Force, Kosmos, etc.

Despite my relatively brief time in Your universe, I believe I have been at least a decent, if not an exemplary, citizen thereof. I have attempted to make this universe a better place, aided your other subjects, and attempted not to break natural laws unless absolutely necessary. Also, I have rarely asked for anything, prefering intstead to take my destiny into my own hands, thereby saving you the trouble of looking after me. I hope, then, that you treat this letter with the gravity it deserves.

A situation has come to my attention that requires immediate rectification. Since the age of twelve, You have bestowed upon me severe cat allergies, complicated for the last six years with moderate athsma. Coupled with this, Your Ultimate Sense of Irony has seen fit to provide me with friends who, almost without exception, own cats. For ten years I have suffered through this, Your Irony, with few complaints.

This weekend the extreme inconvenience of these two related facts was revealed to me. Despite diligently taking medication designed to alleviate the symptoms of athsma and allergies, I was unable to spend more than a few hours at my friend's home, and even then I was subjected to severe congestion and shortness of breath.

This situation is unacceptable. I hereby request that the effects of my allergies to cats, viz. itchy eyes, congestion, sneezing, shortness of breath, fatigue, etc., be sent into immediate and permanent remission. If necessarily, I will happily accept equally severe allergies to dogs in place of cats.

Please note that if my allergies are not withdrawn, I will be forced to pursue more drastic measures. I have been informed that recently a friend of mine has declared war upon you, and I am certain he would welcome the addition of allies to his forces. I hope that the situation does not descend into violence, but I am prepared to use any and all forces at my disposal should this matter not be resolved peacefully.

Sincerely,
Julie Golick