The voice of doom!

[eveglass]

Last night saw Our Heroes (tm) return to the White City, which has been decimated by an attack of the Forces of Evil (tm). Also, Azlo may have let out a few nameless monstrosities, Lyanna was temporarily arrested, and Zath and Aily looted everything that wasn't nailed down. It must be time for the voice of doom!


[The ultimate question is not "Is it good?" but "Will it work?"]
Andrew the GM: "Why the holy water?!"
Eric: "It worked, didn't it?"
Andrew the GM: "Well, yes, but..."
Eric: "Then that's why the holy water."

[You always have to be careful with timing our campaigns. We've only progressed two weeks game-time in the last year.]
Andrew the GM: "Who wants to be present at Azure and Gredgslorth's trial?"
Eric: "How many sessions will it take?"
Erin: "All of them?"

[The PCs want to contact the god with the knowledge portfolio.]
Andrew the GM: "I don't think anyone in this game has the knowledge portfolio."
Eric: "That explains a lot."

[It's everyone's favorite dwarven song!]
Julie: "Underground, where the rocks are friendly!"

[We arrive in the White City, where Lyanna's family is so highly esteemed they're almost worshiped. It's a nice change.]
Julie: "Oh, good. Somewhere where people like me for once."

[The White City, where people like Azlo a lot less than they like Lyanna.]
Andrew the GM: "There's a statue of you raping babies."
Adam: "Can I see it?"
Bob (as Zath): "I think they captured his essence. He looks angry."

[Amazing how someone can be both a perfect death machine and also in total denial.]
Julie: "Do you look like you're about to kill everybody?"
Adam: "Why would I?"
Julie: "Because you're you!"

[Decisions, decisions...]
Julie: "I'm trying to figure out what to do with Azlo. I don't want to bring him in with us, but I don't want to leave him here either."

[The Red Knights -- a fearless army based on space marines -- is going to hunt down Azlo. Lyanna's trying to tell them to be careful. It's not working.]
Zath: "You're right, Lyanna. I think they can handle him."
Andrew the GM: "You're a dick, Bob."

[Lyanna manages to prevent the Red Knights from killing Zath, all in a telepathic conversation.]
Zath: "I feel like I'm about to die... no, false alarm."

[Never, ever say yes to this request.]
Neyrr: "We require a test subject."

[The real answer to this question -- that Pelor wanted to have sex with busty wenches -- would not have gone over well.]
Kasia (Lyanna's sister): "Why did Pelor take 70 women out of the city?"
Lyanna: "The ways of Pelor are sometimes inscrutable."

[A line I never really expected to hear.]
Andrew the GM: "Man, you just fucked with the wrong chicken."

[Yes, it really is a 9-foot-tall chicken.]
Andrew the GM: "Welcome to my CR-go-fuck-yourself chicken. I wanted to make an epic-level chicken, and an epic-level chicken I made!"

[Azlo gets turned into stone by the giant chicken.]
Bob: "Congratulations, you're hiding in plain sight!"

[Azlo opens the Nameless Dungeon.]
Andrew the GM: "What is it with you and releasing shit that's bad for the Prime lately?!"

[There are 5,000 demons in the Astral Plane around Shelezar. Kasia says she knows how to deal with them.]
Lyanna: "How do we get rid of them?"
Kasia: "Take the Heironean paladins into the Astral and kill them all."

[Neyrr offers the Red Knights an embassy in Shelezar in exchange for them helping to kill the demons.]
Lyanna: "Shouldn't we have asked Gabriel first?"
Neyrr: "Realistically, would it have changed our course of action?"

[Zath is looting magic shops all around the White City.]
Julie: "You don't know you have diplomatic immunity, but you do!"

[Aily decides to help Zath.]
Andrew the GM: "This is a 2-man con?!"
Bob: "Now it is!"

[Always an important distinction.]
Bob: "I'm not filled with negative energy, I'm just an asshole."

[Neyrr finds out that Azlo opened the Nameless Dungeon.]
Neyrr: "Why would you... You said you wouldn't!"
Azlo: "I say a lot of things."

[I don't want to know how Rinn knows this.]
Andrew the GM: "She knows she can't make shoes out of demons!"

[Sadly, this is probably true.]
Neyrr: "What's your earliest memory?"
Rinn: "Puppies?"

[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds.]
The Left Hand: "Why do I have a funny feeling this has something to do with you?"
Neyrr: "Because everything does?"

[The plague god killed all of the Left Hand's lieutenants, but it spared Neyrr's companions.]
The Left Hand: "They were my top. They were my best."
Julie: "They weren't player characters."

[Talking about the newly-released god-killing plague god.]
The Left Hand: "I think it's arrogant. Or stupid. Or both."
Neyrr: "We can guarantee that."

[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds, part 2.]
Neyrr: "We are going to be the winning side."

[Sometimes I envy Neyrr's stats.]
Eric: "I actually have 'knowledge: everything.'"
Bob: "The best is 'knowledge: stuff I don't want to know.'"

[Neyrr gets himself liquefied into a puddle of goo.]
Neyrr: "That was the second most unpleasant thing we've ever experienced."
Aily: "What was the first?"
Neyrr: "We've had many conversations with Azure."


That's it for this week! Next week, a-demon-hunting we will go! Or the plague god will kill all the Heironean priests. It's a toss-up, really. See you then!

Comments

[akitrom.livejournal.com]

I don't really comment a lot on these posts, Julie, but I continue to enjoy reading them.

Do the players know you compile all this and print it on your LJ? Do they sometimes go out of their way to provide witty banter for just that purpose?

(One of my friends, years ago, started peppering his conversation with double entendres whenever he was in the company of fellow APA members, specifically to give them 'out of context quotations' to sprinkle in their 'zines.)

[eveglass.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Yes, they are well aware. Usually I read them out at the end of the night, and at least several of them are on my LJ friends' list. (The others don't use LJ.)

I don't think anyone goes out of their way to provide witty banter; it just sort of happens.