The voice of doom!
Nov. 4th, 2010 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassLast night saw Our Heroes (tm) return to the White City, which has been decimated by an attack of the Forces of Evil (tm). Also, Azlo may have let out a few nameless monstrosities, Lyanna was temporarily arrested, and Zath and Aily looted everything that wasn't nailed down. It must be time for the voice of doom!
[The ultimate question is not "Is it good?" but "Will it work?"]
Andrew the GM: "Why the holy water?!"
Eric: "It worked, didn't it?"
Andrew the GM: "Well, yes, but..."
Eric: "Then that's why the holy water."
[You always have to be careful with timing our campaigns. We've only progressed two weeks game-time in the last year.]
Andrew the GM: "Who wants to be present at Azure and Gredgslorth's trial?"
Eric: "How many sessions will it take?"
Erin: "All of them?"
[The PCs want to contact the god with the knowledge portfolio.]
Andrew the GM: "I don't think anyone in this game has the knowledge portfolio."
Eric: "That explains a lot."
[It's everyone's favorite dwarven song!]
Julie: "Underground, where the rocks are friendly!"
[We arrive in the White City, where Lyanna's family is so highly esteemed they're almost worshiped. It's a nice change.]
Julie: "Oh, good. Somewhere where people like me for once."
[The White City, where people like Azlo a lot less than they like Lyanna.]
Andrew the GM: "There's a statue of you raping babies."
Adam: "Can I see it?"
Bob (as Zath): "I think they captured his essence. He looks angry."
[Amazing how someone can be both a perfect death machine and also in total denial.]
Julie: "Do you look like you're about to kill everybody?"
Adam: "Why would I?"
Julie: "Because you're you!"
[Decisions, decisions...]
Julie: "I'm trying to figure out what to do with Azlo. I don't want to bring him in with us, but I don't want to leave him here either."
[The Red Knights -- a fearless army based on space marines -- is going to hunt down Azlo. Lyanna's trying to tell them to be careful. It's not working.]
Zath: "You're right, Lyanna. I think they can handle him."
Andrew the GM: "You're a dick, Bob."
[Lyanna manages to prevent the Red Knights from killing Zath, all in a telepathic conversation.]
Zath: "I feel like I'm about to die... no, false alarm."
[Never, ever say yes to this request.]
Neyrr: "We require a test subject."
[The real answer to this question -- that Pelor wanted to have sex with busty wenches -- would not have gone over well.]
Kasia (Lyanna's sister): "Why did Pelor take 70 women out of the city?"
Lyanna: "The ways of Pelor are sometimes inscrutable."
[A line I never really expected to hear.]
Andrew the GM: "Man, you just fucked with the wrong chicken."
[Yes, it really is a 9-foot-tall chicken.]
Andrew the GM: "Welcome to my CR-go-fuck-yourself chicken. I wanted to make an epic-level chicken, and an epic-level chicken I made!"
[Azlo gets turned into stone by the giant chicken.]
Bob: "Congratulations, you're hiding in plain sight!"
[Azlo opens the Nameless Dungeon.]
Andrew the GM: "What is it with you and releasing shit that's bad for the Prime lately?!"
[There are 5,000 demons in the Astral Plane around Shelezar. Kasia says she knows how to deal with them.]
Lyanna: "How do we get rid of them?"
Kasia: "Take the Heironean paladins into the Astral and kill them all."
[Neyrr offers the Red Knights an embassy in Shelezar in exchange for them helping to kill the demons.]
Lyanna: "Shouldn't we have asked Gabriel first?"
Neyrr: "Realistically, would it have changed our course of action?"
[Zath is looting magic shops all around the White City.]
Julie: "You don't know you have diplomatic immunity, but you do!"
[Aily decides to help Zath.]
Andrew the GM: "This is a 2-man con?!"
Bob: "Now it is!"
[Always an important distinction.]
Bob: "I'm not filled with negative energy, I'm just an asshole."
[Neyrr finds out that Azlo opened the Nameless Dungeon.]
Neyrr: "Why would you... You said you wouldn't!"
Azlo: "I say a lot of things."
[I don't want to know how Rinn knows this.]
Andrew the GM: "She knows she can't make shoes out of demons!"
[Sadly, this is probably true.]
Neyrr: "What's your earliest memory?"
Rinn: "Puppies?"
[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds.]
The Left Hand: "Why do I have a funny feeling this has something to do with you?"
Neyrr: "Because everything does?"
[The plague god killed all of the Left Hand's lieutenants, but it spared Neyrr's companions.]
The Left Hand: "They were my top. They were my best."
Julie: "They weren't player characters."
[Talking about the newly-released god-killing plague god.]
The Left Hand: "I think it's arrogant. Or stupid. Or both."
Neyrr: "We can guarantee that."
[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds, part 2.]
Neyrr: "We are going to be the winning side."
[Sometimes I envy Neyrr's stats.]
Eric: "I actually have 'knowledge: everything.'"
Bob: "The best is 'knowledge: stuff I don't want to know.'"
[Neyrr gets himself liquefied into a puddle of goo.]
Neyrr: "That was the second most unpleasant thing we've ever experienced."
Aily: "What was the first?"
Neyrr: "We've had many conversations with Azure."
That's it for this week! Next week, a-demon-hunting we will go! Or the plague god will kill all the Heironean priests. It's a toss-up, really. See you then!
[The ultimate question is not "Is it good?" but "Will it work?"]
Andrew the GM: "Why the holy water?!"
Eric: "It worked, didn't it?"
Andrew the GM: "Well, yes, but..."
Eric: "Then that's why the holy water."
[You always have to be careful with timing our campaigns. We've only progressed two weeks game-time in the last year.]
Andrew the GM: "Who wants to be present at Azure and Gredgslorth's trial?"
Eric: "How many sessions will it take?"
Erin: "All of them?"
[The PCs want to contact the god with the knowledge portfolio.]
Andrew the GM: "I don't think anyone in this game has the knowledge portfolio."
Eric: "That explains a lot."
[It's everyone's favorite dwarven song!]
Julie: "Underground, where the rocks are friendly!"
[We arrive in the White City, where Lyanna's family is so highly esteemed they're almost worshiped. It's a nice change.]
Julie: "Oh, good. Somewhere where people like me for once."
[The White City, where people like Azlo a lot less than they like Lyanna.]
Andrew the GM: "There's a statue of you raping babies."
Adam: "Can I see it?"
Bob (as Zath): "I think they captured his essence. He looks angry."
[Amazing how someone can be both a perfect death machine and also in total denial.]
Julie: "Do you look like you're about to kill everybody?"
Adam: "Why would I?"
Julie: "Because you're you!"
[Decisions, decisions...]
Julie: "I'm trying to figure out what to do with Azlo. I don't want to bring him in with us, but I don't want to leave him here either."
[The Red Knights -- a fearless army based on space marines -- is going to hunt down Azlo. Lyanna's trying to tell them to be careful. It's not working.]
Zath: "You're right, Lyanna. I think they can handle him."
Andrew the GM: "You're a dick, Bob."
[Lyanna manages to prevent the Red Knights from killing Zath, all in a telepathic conversation.]
Zath: "I feel like I'm about to die... no, false alarm."
[Never, ever say yes to this request.]
Neyrr: "We require a test subject."
[The real answer to this question -- that Pelor wanted to have sex with busty wenches -- would not have gone over well.]
Kasia (Lyanna's sister): "Why did Pelor take 70 women out of the city?"
Lyanna: "The ways of Pelor are sometimes inscrutable."
[A line I never really expected to hear.]
Andrew the GM: "Man, you just fucked with the wrong chicken."
[Yes, it really is a 9-foot-tall chicken.]
Andrew the GM: "Welcome to my CR-go-fuck-yourself chicken. I wanted to make an epic-level chicken, and an epic-level chicken I made!"
[Azlo gets turned into stone by the giant chicken.]
Bob: "Congratulations, you're hiding in plain sight!"
[Azlo opens the Nameless Dungeon.]
Andrew the GM: "What is it with you and releasing shit that's bad for the Prime lately?!"
[There are 5,000 demons in the Astral Plane around Shelezar. Kasia says she knows how to deal with them.]
Lyanna: "How do we get rid of them?"
Kasia: "Take the Heironean paladins into the Astral and kill them all."
[Neyrr offers the Red Knights an embassy in Shelezar in exchange for them helping to kill the demons.]
Lyanna: "Shouldn't we have asked Gabriel first?"
Neyrr: "Realistically, would it have changed our course of action?"
[Zath is looting magic shops all around the White City.]
Julie: "You don't know you have diplomatic immunity, but you do!"
[Aily decides to help Zath.]
Andrew the GM: "This is a 2-man con?!"
Bob: "Now it is!"
[Always an important distinction.]
Bob: "I'm not filled with negative energy, I'm just an asshole."
[Neyrr finds out that Azlo opened the Nameless Dungeon.]
Neyrr: "Why would you... You said you wouldn't!"
Azlo: "I say a lot of things."
[I don't want to know how Rinn knows this.]
Andrew the GM: "She knows she can't make shoes out of demons!"
[Sadly, this is probably true.]
Neyrr: "What's your earliest memory?"
Rinn: "Puppies?"
[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds.]
The Left Hand: "Why do I have a funny feeling this has something to do with you?"
Neyrr: "Because everything does?"
[The plague god killed all of the Left Hand's lieutenants, but it spared Neyrr's companions.]
The Left Hand: "They were my top. They were my best."
Julie: "They weren't player characters."
[Talking about the newly-released god-killing plague god.]
The Left Hand: "I think it's arrogant. Or stupid. Or both."
Neyrr: "We can guarantee that."
[The arrogance of Neyrr knows no bounds, part 2.]
Neyrr: "We are going to be the winning side."
[Sometimes I envy Neyrr's stats.]
Eric: "I actually have 'knowledge: everything.'"
Bob: "The best is 'knowledge: stuff I don't want to know.'"
[Neyrr gets himself liquefied into a puddle of goo.]
Neyrr: "That was the second most unpleasant thing we've ever experienced."
Aily: "What was the first?"
Neyrr: "We've had many conversations with Azure."
That's it for this week! Next week, a-demon-hunting we will go! Or the plague god will kill all the Heironean priests. It's a toss-up, really. See you then!
