Buckle Those Swashes 2.0
Dec. 31st, 2011 05:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassThe good news is that we are well and truly out of Eisen. The bad news is that Charouse, capital of Montaigne, is not the city it once was. The Lightening Guard patrol instead of Musketeers, nobles fear the return of Montegue, and one really, really pissed off fate witch awaits the return of her prodigal daughter.
[This is the way most conversations between Breanan and Gérard start off.]
Breanan: "Correct me if I'm wrong--"
Gérard: "You're wrong."
[Gérard plans to have everyone return to the village in the Dark Forest so he can deliver a letter from Vivianne to Sylvia. He wants to deliver it personally so he can tell Sylvia he disagrees with Vivianne. Marietta, naturally, dislikes this plan immediately.]
Marietta: "Write another letter expressing your doubts."
Gérard: "I'm not very expressive."
Marietta: "I am."
[Breanan pulls Gérard aside to try to convince him not to go into the Dark Forest.]
Breanan: "Only Theus knows what misadventures we might have on the road."
Kyn the GM: "..."
Gérard: "Why do you say these things? Why must you curse my life?"
[Because so many people are hunting her, Marietta asks the men to call her Béatrice instead. Breanan, naturally, flubs it immediately, while Gérard requires some convincing to finally give in.]
Gérard: "Very well, Gabrielle it is."
Marietta: "Given that you've now both gotten it wrong, we'll stick with Marietta."
[Rose 'the Manly' steals a river boat to take us from Eisen to Montaigne. Note that neither Gérard nor Breanan have any experience with boats.]
Rose: "Ready?"
Gérard: "So how does this work, exactly?"
[Gérard gets annoyed when both Rose and Breanan interpret his figures of speech literally.]
Marietta: "You're both too literal for him."
Rose: "I'm not literate!"
Marietta: "Precisely my point."
[Along the river, we encounter a 30-foot-long river serpent.]
Breanan: "Here, fishy, fishy, fishy..."
Kyn the GM: "Why do you do this to yourself, Pat?"
[How to fight a river serpent? I suggest not following Breanan's example.]
Pat: "I jump in its mouth and stab it."
Marc: "What?!"
Kyn the GM: "Did you just say you jump... in its mouth?"
[Breanan does indeed jump in the river serpent's mouth, and then fails to do any appreciable damage. The river serpent begins to swallow him.]
Marc: "We're about to lose Breanan in the most idiotic way possible."
[Gérard, trying to rescue Breanan by swinging onto the river serpent's back, instead manages to land squarely in its mouth and is swallowed as well.]
Marietta: "So... they were human sacrifices, weren't they?"
Rose: "Yup."
[Sliding down the gullet of the river serpent, Breanan slices all the down with his new Dracheneisen sword... and deals 10 dramatic wounds.]
Kyn the GM: (to Julie) "How to explain the scene that explodes in front of your face... literally."
[Breanan, taking stock of the scene, demonstrates his mastery of the understatement.]
Breanan: "I must say, not the smartest move I ever made."
[Breanan and Gérard take stock of their fight with the river serpent.]
Breanan: "I had everything under control until 'the king' here tried to ram me."
Gérard: "That's the last time I try to defend your idiot moves."
Breanan: "You were trying to defend me?"
[A few hours later, we reach the Montaignais blockade of the river and are interrogated by some guards.]
Gérard: "We had a small problem with a river serpent."
Guard: "I see the fang. That was not a small serpent."
Gérard: "It was a small problem with a large serpent."
[The Montaignais guard tries to figure out what to make of all this.]
Guard: "Well, we did send you to Eisen to learn how to kill monsters, and you killed a sea serpent. Is that how they give tests in Eisen?"
Gérard: "...Yes."
[Our Heroes (tm) are taken into the Montaignais camp to bathe, eat, and refresh themselves.]
Marietta: "Oh, back in my element, surrounded by men. Montaignais men. Life is good!"
[Back in our second session, a lowly private was so stunned by Marietta's beauty he rode all the way to the Castillian front to make a name of himself for her honor. He has since been made a captain and earned many medals. Seeing Marietta, he gives them all to her, re-dons a private's uniform, and rides off to conquer the last remaining Castillian bastion.]
Kyn the GM: "He rides off into the sunset. Sorry, Pat, you just lost your horse."
[Other Montaignais officers, seeing the bravery of the newly-remade private, try to one-up each other to find ways to impress Marietta. Breanan gives them the theoretically sensible advice that they must find their passion and inspiration... so they all leave to find it, leaving Marietta alone.]
Breanan: "It always seems like my good intentions lead to your misfortune."
Marietta: (glaring) "Doesn't it, though?"
[The PCs return to Charouse, where Marietta is led away for her 'reunion' with her family, which involves Valentino beating her to within an inch of her life. A few hours later, Valentino dines with Breanan and Gérard.]
Breanan: "Vivianne's a good person."
Valentino: "Is she now?"
Breanan: "Yes, like you. I trust her the way I trust you. My heart sees the good in people."
[Things you don't want to hear from your GM.]
Kyn the GM: "Don't worry, I'm ending game after this torture scene."
[Kyn the GM does a truly horrible job of trying to assuage his players.]
Kyn the GM: "Things will get better. Not for a while, but they will get better."
And that's it for this time. This morning, I wrote a 6,700 word story describing two weeks of torture that happen to my character at the hands of people she trusts, because I'm that kind of a masochist. Join us again next week for the thrilling continuation!
[This is the way most conversations between Breanan and Gérard start off.]
Breanan: "Correct me if I'm wrong--"
Gérard: "You're wrong."
[Gérard plans to have everyone return to the village in the Dark Forest so he can deliver a letter from Vivianne to Sylvia. He wants to deliver it personally so he can tell Sylvia he disagrees with Vivianne. Marietta, naturally, dislikes this plan immediately.]
Marietta: "Write another letter expressing your doubts."
Gérard: "I'm not very expressive."
Marietta: "I am."
[Breanan pulls Gérard aside to try to convince him not to go into the Dark Forest.]
Breanan: "Only Theus knows what misadventures we might have on the road."
Kyn the GM: "..."
Gérard: "Why do you say these things? Why must you curse my life?"
[Because so many people are hunting her, Marietta asks the men to call her Béatrice instead. Breanan, naturally, flubs it immediately, while Gérard requires some convincing to finally give in.]
Gérard: "Very well, Gabrielle it is."
Marietta: "Given that you've now both gotten it wrong, we'll stick with Marietta."
[Rose 'the Manly' steals a river boat to take us from Eisen to Montaigne. Note that neither Gérard nor Breanan have any experience with boats.]
Rose: "Ready?"
Gérard: "So how does this work, exactly?"
[Gérard gets annoyed when both Rose and Breanan interpret his figures of speech literally.]
Marietta: "You're both too literal for him."
Rose: "I'm not literate!"
Marietta: "Precisely my point."
[Along the river, we encounter a 30-foot-long river serpent.]
Breanan: "Here, fishy, fishy, fishy..."
Kyn the GM: "Why do you do this to yourself, Pat?"
[How to fight a river serpent? I suggest not following Breanan's example.]
Pat: "I jump in its mouth and stab it."
Marc: "What?!"
Kyn the GM: "Did you just say you jump... in its mouth?"
[Breanan does indeed jump in the river serpent's mouth, and then fails to do any appreciable damage. The river serpent begins to swallow him.]
Marc: "We're about to lose Breanan in the most idiotic way possible."
[Gérard, trying to rescue Breanan by swinging onto the river serpent's back, instead manages to land squarely in its mouth and is swallowed as well.]
Marietta: "So... they were human sacrifices, weren't they?"
Rose: "Yup."
[Sliding down the gullet of the river serpent, Breanan slices all the down with his new Dracheneisen sword... and deals 10 dramatic wounds.]
Kyn the GM: (to Julie) "How to explain the scene that explodes in front of your face... literally."
[Breanan, taking stock of the scene, demonstrates his mastery of the understatement.]
Breanan: "I must say, not the smartest move I ever made."
[Breanan and Gérard take stock of their fight with the river serpent.]
Breanan: "I had everything under control until 'the king' here tried to ram me."
Gérard: "That's the last time I try to defend your idiot moves."
Breanan: "You were trying to defend me?"
[A few hours later, we reach the Montaignais blockade of the river and are interrogated by some guards.]
Gérard: "We had a small problem with a river serpent."
Guard: "I see the fang. That was not a small serpent."
Gérard: "It was a small problem with a large serpent."
[The Montaignais guard tries to figure out what to make of all this.]
Guard: "Well, we did send you to Eisen to learn how to kill monsters, and you killed a sea serpent. Is that how they give tests in Eisen?"
Gérard: "...Yes."
[Our Heroes (tm) are taken into the Montaignais camp to bathe, eat, and refresh themselves.]
Marietta: "Oh, back in my element, surrounded by men. Montaignais men. Life is good!"
[Back in our second session, a lowly private was so stunned by Marietta's beauty he rode all the way to the Castillian front to make a name of himself for her honor. He has since been made a captain and earned many medals. Seeing Marietta, he gives them all to her, re-dons a private's uniform, and rides off to conquer the last remaining Castillian bastion.]
Kyn the GM: "He rides off into the sunset. Sorry, Pat, you just lost your horse."
[Other Montaignais officers, seeing the bravery of the newly-remade private, try to one-up each other to find ways to impress Marietta. Breanan gives them the theoretically sensible advice that they must find their passion and inspiration... so they all leave to find it, leaving Marietta alone.]
Breanan: "It always seems like my good intentions lead to your misfortune."
Marietta: (glaring) "Doesn't it, though?"
[The PCs return to Charouse, where Marietta is led away for her 'reunion' with her family, which involves Valentino beating her to within an inch of her life. A few hours later, Valentino dines with Breanan and Gérard.]
Breanan: "Vivianne's a good person."
Valentino: "Is she now?"
Breanan: "Yes, like you. I trust her the way I trust you. My heart sees the good in people."
[Things you don't want to hear from your GM.]
Kyn the GM: "Don't worry, I'm ending game after this torture scene."
[Kyn the GM does a truly horrible job of trying to assuage his players.]
Kyn the GM: "Things will get better. Not for a while, but they will get better."
And that's it for this time. This morning, I wrote a 6,700 word story describing two weeks of torture that happen to my character at the hands of people she trusts, because I'm that kind of a masochist. Join us again next week for the thrilling continuation!
