Buckle Those Swashes 2.0

[eveglass]

Buckle Those Swashes 2.0

Thrilling courtly adventures! Last night's session saw the grand ball of Valentino Vestini, in which it would be proved once and for all who has the more beautiful women: Vodacce or Montaigne? The grand posturing! The dances! The witty repartee!

Oh, and Marietta got kidnapped by Eisen horsemen who seem to think she's some sort of "dragon princess." Just because we didn't have enough to do.


[Valentino's party has become a grand competition to see which nation has the more beautiful women, Montainge or Vodacce. The Vodacce princes take stock of the situation.]
Kyn the GM: "Only a Vestini would put so much effort into putting down a Montaignais bluff."

[Breanan is the very image of an Avalonian: chivalrous, upstanding, and to the point.]
Marietta: "You have the subtlety of an Avalonian knight."
Breanan: "I am an Avalonian knight."
Marietta: "Precisely."

[Didiet is giving Gérard lessons in etiquette as part of his supplemental Musketeer training. Things are not going well.]
Didiet: "Are you saying this uniform does not inspire courage and loyalty?"
Gérard: "Exactly! Why do you think I refused it?!"
Didiet: *levelling a pistol at him* "You should run now."

[If I had a nickel for every time I heard this phrase in relation to Gérard…]
Didiet: "We're going to have to take drastic steps, because you are an idiot."

[Gérard gets… tongue-tied, sometimes.]
Didiet: "There are two ways to inspire people: through word and through deed. And I can tell you, through word is not the way for you."

[Gérard continue to put his foot in his mouth, to the point where Didiet prepares to shoot him, and has his ward Ethan preparing another pistol.]
Didiet: "It's not the second pistol you should be worried about."
Kyn the GM: "And now you have a hole in your ass."

[Julie offers helpful advice to Gérard's player Marc.]
Julie: "Here's a shovel. It's bedrock about 25 feet down, but you can get through that."

[We were so close to a breakthrough. So very close.]
Didiet: "How do we defend justice?"
Gérard: "With our minds!"
Didiet: "And?"
Gérard: "And with our hearts!"
Didiet: "And?"
Gérard: "I don't know any other inspiring organs."

[Didiet discovers he needs to take a different line of reasoning.]
Didiet: "When you looked at a Musketeer as a boy, what was your first thought?"
Gérard: "'I should probably run away.'"

[Gérard's heroic deeds are well known among his brethren. So they think nothing of the fact that he managed to acquire a few invitations to Valentino's party.]
Musketeer: "Any man who would mount a cannon would mount a fine verbal offensive against a Vodacce."
Gérard: *grunts*

[In their duelling to choose who will attend Valentino's party, the Musketeers realize they may have made a small oversight.]
Musketeer: "All right, we have just under six hours to find the most beautiful women in Montaigne."

[Abbot André, meanwhile, has been going to the various noble Montaignais houses hearing confessions. He has also taken it upon himself to find beautiful Montaignais women to bring to Valentino's party. Let the double-entendres begin!]
Kyn the GM: "You do get a rise in confessions."

[The women who come to give confession to Abbot André decide that the best way to gain an invitation is to flirt with him. Maybe more than flirt.]
André: "It's a good thing this is a contest of beauty and not of virtue."

[Abbot André has been very busy hearing confessions from beautiful women. Let the double-entendres continue!]
Julie: "Dear God, what has this man been doing?!"
Ian: "Planting the seed of God!"

[There is one small oversight in Abbot André's plan.]
Ian: "Can I only invite one?"
Kyn the GM: "Well, since Valentino didn't say you could invite anyone, you can invite as many as you want!"

[Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker and Mathilde his wife arrive to help Marietta dress for the party. Mathilde is wearing pants, her husband a kilt.]
Kyn the GM: "He is a shell of the berserker he used to be."

[And yet another from the annals of Pat-isms.]
Pat: "You don't break something that works."

[Sir Breanan Allistair, knight of Avalon, is introduced to the subtleties of Vodacce parties.]
Kyn the GM: "It's almost like every motion is calculated, every word…"
Julie: "In fact, it's not like that, it is that."

[The Montaignais Musketeers show up at the party with their beautiful women.]
Kyn the GM: "It's as though every Montaignais only has one goal in mind: rattle the Vodacce."

[The Vodacce courtesans lead the counter-offensive in the game of beauty. Let the double-entendres continue!]
Musketeer: "I will always be willing to sacrifice myself to the blow of a Vodacce courtesan."

[The tide of "battle" shifts back and forth across the ballroom floor. Valentino is playing bookie for all the bets.]
Valentino: "I think I may have planned this a bit too well."

[I'm not sure whether this is a misinterpretation or wilful ignorance.]
Valentino: "It wouldn't be the first Vestini party to begin with a fight. Or end with one."
Breanan: "I'll try not to disappoint you."

[Abbot André's fate strands are so unusual and so powerful that he rattles every Fate Witch he encounters. Of which there are many at the party.]
Abbot André (to his guest): "The party's in full swing. We'll be incognito."
Julie: "No, you won't."

[The Vodacce Fate Witches rally back with the arrival of Natalia, and luck begins to go badly for the Montaignais.]
Musketeer: "No, no, chérie! I did not mean… Cows are very beautiful creatures!"

[Marietta, gem of Vestini province, makes her grand appearance.]
Julie: "I nod to the courtesans, as if to say, 'let's do this.'"
André (to his guest): "Cécile, watch this game. It is very entertaining."

[The Vodacce have brought forth Marietta, but the Montaignais still have a few of their nobles in reserve.]
Ian: "I'm worried the Vodacce are blowing the big guns early."
Julie: "You haven't seen me dance yet."

[Gérard… is not a good dancer. Thankfully, his dance partner is.]
Julie: "Are you man enough to let a woman lead?"

[Gérard lets his dance partner lead.]
Gérard: "Let it never be said that in Montaigne the men are without their daintiness."

[Gérard leads a group of commoner Musketeers onto the dance floor.]
Ian: "I need to distract the Fate Witches or the Musketeers are all going to fall on their faces in public."

[There's a method to André's madness.]
André: "If there's an unfair fight, I need to make sure it's equally unfair."

[Gérard accidentally steps on Cécile's dress, ripping it all the way up. Abbot André notices that Jean-Sebastien the ex-Fashion Berserker is still around, and intervenes.]
André: "Could you help her with her dress?"
Mathilde: "Is Breanan's signet still good?"
André: "So she can dance with the Avalonian, it must be!"
Breanan: "…What?"

[Marietta is approached by Jean-Marie Rois et Reines, captain of the Musketeers and an excellent dancer who wants to turn the tables back to his own side.]
Jean-Marie: "Let's see how the gem sparkles under pressure."
Marietta: "I trust the Captain has better feet than his men."

[Oh, semantics. They come into play even in 7th Sea.]
Valentino: "The Ussuran has sided with the Montaignais."
André: "No, I sided with the losing team!"

[Towards the end of the evening, when it is clear that the Vodacce have won this fight, there is the sound of musket-fire from the front courtyard. There are at least fifteen men outside.]
Breanan: "Cowards! Come in here and fight with swords like men!"
Attacker: "Why fight with swords when we have cannon?"
Julie: "Oh, that's not good."

[Gérard and Breanan are given brute squads, which enhance their own rolls.]
Julie: "I need brute squad courtesans."

[Gérard kills a bunch of the attackers, but misses a particularly fancy attack roll and finds himself face-to-face with an entire brute squad.]
Gérard: "I don't suppose we could talk about this?"
Attacker: "Give us the girl."
Gérard: "No!"
Attacker: "That was our talking."

[Marietta escapes the house on Breanan's horse, only to be caught in the crossfires of mounted Eisen warriors. Abbot André attempts to stop them.]
Ian: "If the men won't stop, the next round I say it in horse."

[Marietta and Cécile begin to fall off the unsaddled horse.]
Pat: "I love my horse more than I love women."

[Marietta falls off the horse and breaks her leg. The Eisen are on her in an instant, levelling spears at her chest.]
Eisen: "Princess, live?"
Marietta: *surrendering* "Live! …Wait, did you just call me Princess?"

[The Eisen ride off with Marietta as the other PCs finish dealing with the rest of the attackers.]
Valentino: "Who's injured?
Marietta: "Me."
Kyn the GM: "You're not there."

[The PCs decide to follow Marietta. Sadly, Gérard is not a very competent rider. Thankfully, Abbot André can transform into a horse.]
André: "I ride better as horse than on horse."
Natalia (to Gérard): "Ride him."
André: "…What?"


And that's it for this time! Next week, come back to see if we answer the following pressing questions: Is Marietta some sort of Dragon Princess? Who's the brother the Eisen are taking her to see? Will the other PCs catch up in time? And, most importantly, can Valentino find some way to profit from all of this? Join us next time and find out!