Buckle Those Swashes 2.0 -- part 2

[eveglass]

It's time for another installment of everyone's favorite heroics-filled roleplaying game! Tonight, with a full slate of players, we had a full seven hours of gaming! Let the quotes begin!


Plot recap
As Valentino and his retinue prepare to leave the opera, there is a mighty explosion and the front wall of the opera house is blown away! On the front lawn sits a contraption which turns out to be a series of rotating cannons, which proceed to turn the reception area of the opera house into so much red mist and splinters. Gérard (played by Marc), with little thought to his own safety, slides across the blood-slick floor to disable the cannon, kill a few of the gunners, and set fire to their pile of gunpowder. It explodes in a mighty explosion! Huzzah!

Meanwhile, Natalia has roused Sir Brandon Allister (played by Pat) and taken a carriage to hurry towards the scene, spurred on by the horrors she has seen in the threads. They arrive just in time for the gigantic explosion, which spooks the horses and sends the carriage, Natalia still inside, careening towards the inferno. Gérard, again with little thought to his own safety (or, indeed, his now-broken rib), rushes up alongside the carriage and catches Natalia as she jumps out.

Valentino sets up a field hospital at his manor, and through the night and well into the next day tends the wounded. When there are no more wounded, everyone in the household falls into an exhausted sleep.

The next day, it is revealed that the Montaignais newspapers are hailing Gérard as a national hero. Also, that Abbot André (played by Ian) has an appointment with l'Impératrice the next day. All the PCs go out so that Abbot André can find an appropriate gift. He accompanies Gérard to speak to a black-market collector of religious artifacts and finds a beautiful onyx-and-ivory rosary for the Empress. Also, he discovers a thousand-year-old relic, another rosary, this one of black opals, and pledges to return it to a place of honor in Ussura, and in exchange will bring the price (3,000 Guilders, a fortune!) to the black marketeer's grandson in Castille.

Then we go clothes shopping. Kyn the GM yet again manages to turn a dress into a major plot point.

Gérard, Brandon, and Marietta (played by Julie) go to visit Didiet, who gets outraged at Brandon (exiled from Avalon for killing one of his brothers-in-arms) and goes on a tirade against Fate Witches.

The next day, Marietta, Abbot André, and Gérard visit with l'Impératrice. She and André discuss the political situation between their two nations, and then l'Impératrice offers Gérard a promotion to become a full musketeer, on order of l'Empreur. Gérard hems and haws, feeling that he's not ready, and eventually the captain of the musketeers is summoned away from lunch with his wife to discuss the matter. It is agreed that Gérard will get his promotion... eventually. Meanwhile, he's going to take some classes on etiquette. First lesson: never refuse a gift from l'Empreur.

The Quotes

[Kyn the GM had a little trouble keeping his nationalities straight.]
André: "This is good, yes?"
Musketeer NPC: "Si! I mean, oui!"

[To escape the cannon fire, Abbot André rushes headlong down some stairs. Well, more tumbles than rushes. Thankfully, he's not seriously hurt.]
André: "They make the stairs very soft here, like the Montaignais themselves."

[After the cannons have fired twice, there is very little left in the reception hall of the opera house except rubble and corpses. Still, as Gérard rushes towards them, they prepare to fire again.]
Kyn the GM: "You don't know what they're aiming for. They're probably trying to kill you. You feel kind of honored."

[Abbot André directs a more-or-less orderly evacuation, providing a little religious encouragement as people pass him.]
André: "Theus will reward you, but Theus does not want to see you yet. Come, now..."

[How I missed Pat-isms...]
Pat: "If you can't handle smoking, don't use gunpowder."

[The gigantic explosion caused by the destruction of the cannon propels Gérard forward and away. In the aftermath of the battle, a musketeer captain notices Gérard is wounded.]
Gérard: "It's just a flesh wound, a broken rib."
Captain: "A broken rib is not a flesh wound, frère."
Pat (as Gérard): "I have another twelve."
Ian (as Gérard): "It was my spare."

[Marc uses a somewhat halting French accent when speaking as Gérard. Which is great, except for the fact that Montaignais is, in fact, Gérard's mother tongue.]
Gérard: "How do I say this in this language?"
Valentino: "You mean Montaigais?"
Brandon: "You gave him too much whiskey."

[Never let it be said that Abbot André is a subtle creature.]
André: "I storm off in frustration! (I say that as I storm off in frustration.)"

[The next morning, Valentino shows Gérard a front-page newspaper article describing his (Gérard's) heroic deeds the night before.]
Kyn the GM: "Man, you are heroic."

[Abbot André wants to find a religious item to gift to the Empress. Sadly, such things are prohibited in Montaigne.]
André (to Gérard, jovially): "Sir! Friend! You will introduce me to the criminal element!"

[André has just revealed to Sir Brandon, an excellent horseman, that he can shapeshift into a horse.]
Ian: "You're picturing yourself riding me, aren't you?"

[We go clothes shopping, and Sir Brandon uses his noble signet to give us essentially carte blanche to buy whatever we want. Marietta gets a mischievous gleam in her eye.]
Pat: "This is gonna be my dad: first he's exiled, now this?!"

[Abbot André wants to be fashionable, but also to reflect his heritage as an Ussuran commoner.]
Kyn the GM: "Ussuran commoners look like they wear potato sacks."
Ian: "Yes. I want them to make a fashionable potato sack."
Kyn the GM: "So... three raises?"

[Gérard has pledged that he will never wear noble clothing again. So Sir Brandon does what any reasonable person would do: give him alcohol until he can't see straight.]
Kyn the GM: "Take into consideration that you are now... supple."
Ian: "Now's when we get him the heels."

[In the first Buckle Those Swashes, there was Alphonse the Crazy Tailor. In this game, we've got...]
Kyn the GM: "This guy is a berserker of fashion!"

[To make Abbot André's fashionable robes, Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker declares that it must be covered in black feathers, a color that is sadly undersupplied in Montaigne.]
Kyn the GM (pointing to Pat): "Don't worry, he's paying!"
Pat: "...What?"
Marc: "There's suddenly a lack of crows in the city."

[Gérard also hates wearing a codpiece. So Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker declares that he will wear pants, and above them assless chaps. And on the crotch, an embroidered sunburst.]
Ian: "Not only is it not a codpiece, it's a target! Completely exposed! Gérard who mounts the cannon!"

[More of the same.]
Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker: "You do not need a codpiece, you are a codpiece!"

[Gérard also receives thigh-high boots.]
Kyn the GM: "It's done up with bucklers."
Julie: "Don't you mean buckles?"
Ian: "Bucklers, because he's a shield of Montaigne."
Kyn the GM: "Si! Oui!"

[Gérard's new clothes are both fashionable and functional.]
Kyn the GM: "This man can seduce a woman in court, walk outside, and kill her husband in a duel, all without undoing a button."

[Just a slip of the tongue, or is it?]
Kyn the GM: "The sun embezzled on high..."
Ian: "I think you mean emblazoned."

[Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker takes stock of his work on Gérard's outfit.]
Jean-Sebastien the Fashion Berserker: "If it wasn't for the fact that I abhor Theus and all religion, I would pray."

[Meanwhile, Marietta is having an even more stunning outfit put together. She reveals herself to the rest of the party, including Gérard with his sun-embroidered pants.]
Kyn the GM: "Roll seduction."
Pat: "The sun is rising!"

[After a moment, the tailor's wife throws a cloak about Marietta's shoulders.]
Kyn the GM: "It feels like the sun has set."
Marc (sadly): "So it has."

[It's time for a running theme!]
Kyn the GM: "Yet again, I somehow made a game about a dress."

[Valentino discusses his current difficulties with Abbot André, in which it is revealed that he must keep events around him so chaotic that even a super-powerful Fate Witch can't see through them.]
Julie: "It's like the backwards Valentino: a man so cunning people assume he's incompetent!"

[Abbot André doesn't quite understand Valentino's motivations.]
André: "This is madness!"
Valentino: "This. Is. Vodacce!"

[Didiet may have certain preconceptions about Valentino, not all of them wrong.]
Didet: "Just because he'a s conniving, black-hearted, villainous man doesn't mean he doesn't have his good qualities."

[Didiet has a very pretty handsome young boy serving him. We suspect he can see the strands of fate, which is impossible. Only women can be Fate Witches.]
Kyn the GM: "She-- He turns away."
Julie: "I will not metagame that slip of the tongue. No, I won't!"

[Sir Brandon is slightly shaken after his encounter with Didiet and the latter's outburst towards Valentino.]
Brandon: "I don't believe I need Valentino to justify himself to me. I believe in him."
Marietta: "As do I."
Ian: "I believe he's as honorable as any Vodacce man."

[Marietta reveals to Valentino that she has had a new dress made.]
Valentino: "Are you by chance trying to outdo my wife's dress?"
Marietta: "I am trying to do nothing! Whether the tailors have any rivalry, though..."

[From the department of lines that didn't come out quite the way you intended...]
Noble Musketeer (to Gérard): "I knew being your friend had benefits!"

[Valentino has announced that he will host a grand party a few days hence.]
Musketeer (to Gérard): "We're happy, frère, that you remember we're a fraternité! Where you go, we go! And now you are going to a Vestini party!"

[The musketeers determine that they will outshine Valentino's women by bringing the most beautiful Montaignais women they can find. Sadly, there are far more musketeers than invitations.]
Male musketeer: "You have boobs! You can't go to a party where the quest is to bring the most beautiful Montaignais women!"
Female musketeer: "What are you saying about my looks?"
Male musketeer: "...Oh, boy."

[The musketeers choose who will go to the party as any reasonable musketeer would do: they challenge each other to duels, en masse.]
Kyn the GM: "So the rest of the day becomes a 'tactical combat situation.'"

[Repeat after me: no good can come of this.]
Gérard: "My brothers have also taken it upon themselves to prove that Montaignais women are more beautiful than Vodacce women."
Valentino: "Oh, really..."

[The PCs go to make their appointment with the Empress. Well, mostly.]
Pat: "I just realized something: I'm not there."

[Gérard has just refused a promotion to the rank of musketeers, l'Empreur's own proclamation, on the grounds that he's not worthy yet. Marietta and André roll sense motive on the Empress and utterly fail to read her.]
Pat: "I rolled 65."
Julie: "But you're not there."
Kyn the GM: "Where you are, you get the sensation... that I don't give a damn."
Pat: "Interesting."

[Still at the meeting with the Empress.]
André: "May I be blunt in question?"
Empress: "..."
Pat: "Here, want to make another character sheet?"

[Just sensible advice.]
André (to Gérard): "It is never good to gain a sunburst but lose a head."

[Gérard is given a dressing-down by Captain Jean-Marie, head of all musketeers. Things are not looking good.]
Captain Jean-Marie: "Who do you serve?"
Gérard: "..."
Captain Jean-Marie: "This is not a trick question."

[From the department of running jokes...]
Captain Jean-Marie (to Gérard): "So you believe that l'Empreur's judgement would bring dishonor to the musketeers?"
Pat: "Here, have a new character sheet."


So that's it for this week. Join us next time when we have another party, and probably lots more fighting. Yay!