The voice of doom!

[eveglass]

We've got a double-header this week. Not too many quotes last week, so I decided to just roll them in today. That means you get a two-for-one special of Doom! Let's begin, shall we?


[You always know where you stand in our gaming group.]
Andrew the GM: "If I was a madman..."
Eric: "If?"

[Recall that Alaric, a.k.a. the Crimson Phantom, a.k.a. the new incarnation of Pelor, has a somewhat checkered history as a mass-murderer.]
Alaric: "Why did I do this again?"
Neyrr: "Partly because the world depends on it, partly to obtain redemption for your horrid black soul."

[It's good to be the guy in charge.]
Dunkirk, a member of the Blackfeet: "You were sorting through pig shit all night?"
Zath: "Not me personally. I have people to do that for me."

[Our GM should really know better than to give us these sorts of openings.]
Andrew the GM: "Don't make me come up with a background for every NPC in the game. We'll be here forever."
Eric: "How much experience is it worth?"

[Zath has just discovered an illithid in the city.]
The Mad Crafter, one of Neyrr's subordinates: "You're dealing with a small cabal then. Or a large cabal. How many have you found?"
Zath: "Just one."
The Mad Crafter: "Hmm... size unknown, then."

[From the department of running jokes...]
Bob: "This isn't Neyrr's fault."
Andrew the GM: "It's always Neyrr's fault!"

[A line that will either lead to really good things, or to really bad things.]
Eric: "I'm helping!"


[This is why you need to remember your math, kids.]
Andrew the GM: "Half of them are hostile, half are looking impressing, and half don't have any idea what's going on."

[Neyrr is in the Elven City. Elves are pointing and whispering.]
Eric: "It's like Shelezar but pointier."

[Sadly, this is usually true.]
Eric: "Anything that frightens the people of Shelezar tends to work in my favour."

[Sometimes I'm really, really jealous of Neyrr's stats.]
Eric: "I roll a two!"
Andrew the GM: "Two?"
Eric: "Well, this is me, so 37."

[This is only amusing because in a fight between the Champion of Kord and Neyrr's brother, the Champion will get his ass whupped.]
The Champion of Kord: "The Champion does not want to hurt your brother!"

[Ah, Neyrr's method of problem solving...]
Eric: "All I had to do was lie through my teeth: the solution to 9 out of 10 problems."

[Really, how often do you get to use this line in a fantasy game?]
Neyrr: "I have a small weapon of mass destruction I want to drop on them."

[I love Neyrr's plans.]
Eric: "I consider this a win-win-win-win-win situation."

[Neyrr is trying to explain the situation to some dwarves, who are being dense.]
Neyrr: "Obviously, I need to speak in lesser-intelligence terms."

[Asera's sister-in-arms, Li Mae, has arrived from Very Far Away Places (tm) to inform Asera of the continuing struggle to free the rest of their people from werebeasts. This is just one of those times where we recall the sorts of connections the party has made so far.]
Li Mae: "Can you teleport an army?"
Neyrr: "No, but I know a guy."

[An occasion where you get the sense that Asera isn't really ready to start the explaining.]
Asera: "I'll explain it to you when you're sober."
Li Mae (drunkenly): "I'm sober!"
Asera: "Have another drink."

[So true, so true.]
Neyrr (to Rinn): "I don't care if the Witch King designed you to kill other Deathless because I break all the rules."

[Azlo trying to make a joke.]
Azlo: "I'm dead serious, 'dead' being the key phrase."

[Azure and Gredgeslorth, gods of murder and magic respectively, are forming an alliance with Moradin, god of dwarves. They have elaborate presents. Pelor finds out about the alliance at the last minute and wants in.]
Andrew the GM (as Moradin): "What are you giving me a small sun for?"
Eric (as Pelor): "I can only make the one thing!"

[People should really learn not to ask Neyrr questions when there's truth-detecting magic around. It always ends badly.]
Andrew the GM: "You hear a horrible snapping sound as a zone of truth dies."

[Andrew the GM sometimes has to rephrase things so that they have their desired effect.]
Andrew the GM: "This guy's horrible!
All the players: *stare blankly*
Andrew the GM "Way more horrible than you guys thought!"

[Neyrr wants to tell his brother, the Right Hand, that he's sending him in alone against a massive horde of werebeasts because he doesn't trust the Right Hand not to indiscriminately kill his allies in the middle of a battle. This is what he actually says:]
Neyrr: "Brother, I promised you great battle. Would I send other people to take away your glory?"

[The Right Hand is a simple creature...]
The Right Hand: "Smells like wet dog."
Neyrr: "Yes! That's the direction you should go destroy things."

[I wish this sort of thing happened less.]
Neyrr: "I'm just telling you what the voice in my head is saying."

[Neyrr is nigh indestructible. Not that the person speaking to him knows that.]
Neyrr: "By all means, shoot me if it makes you feel better."

[Sometimes you have to spell these things out.]
Neyrr: "One of us is trustworthy and known for keeping their word. It's not you."

[I really love Neyrr's turns of phrase sometimes. This particular one explains why he killed the Fat Man while he was in bed, sleeping.]
Neyrr: "It was self-defense. Slightly preemptive."

[Igor is a member of the Fat Man's thieves' guild. He's trying to defect to the Blackfeet.]
Igor: "Why haven't you killed the Fat Man's son yet?"
Neyrr: "Expediency."
Igor: "Good answer."
Eric: "Actually, I have no idea what I meant by that."

[When asking Neyrr a question like this, you can pretty much take the answer as a given.]
Igor: "Have you ever seen anyone laugh themselves to death?"
Neyrr: "Yes."


And that's it for this time, kids! Next week, we visit the god of the dwarves, and if we're really lucky we get to see an entire army of thieves' guilds try to destroy Neyrr Jesond. It won't work, but it'll be fun to watch! See you then!