A bit of introspection
Mar. 9th, 2006 07:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassIn the last week, at least three separate people (the Master of Massey College, the registrar of Massey College, and a professor I greatly admire) have all said I should return and do my PhD. I've had a hard time putting into words why I think this is a bad idea. Yes, I love the Middle Ages. Yes, I love trying to unravel the Latin language (though I might like it more if I didn't have an exam looming over me). So why shouldn't I stay on and work on my PhD?
Today in class I was given a perfect example of what I don't like about academia. We're reading the Dragmaticon by William of Conches. It's a wonderful book of medieval natural philosophy and I've enjoyed reading it. In fact, I'm inspired for a few SCA projects I want to do when I return to Montreal.
In class today, someone asked the seemingly-innocent question of when it was written. Apparently there's a controversy over this. Understand that in academia, there's a controversy over everything. A previous scholar of William of Conches, a man named Ranke, set the date in the late 1140s, for a variety of reasons not worth going into here. A contemporary scholar, who gave a talk at UofT last week, sets the date in the mid 1140s, for other reasons not worth going into. I see a conference paper or journal article approaching in the near future.
Now, bear with me... whichever of these two scholars is right, this book was written over 850 years ago! In my mind, a five-year difference doesn't really matter. This is why I'm not cut out to be an academic.
In academia, you can't have interests. To me, "interest" is the desire to read a book (say, William of Conches' Dragmaticon) and maybe google the author or read a general-interest secondary source about it (eg: something I'd find at Chapters). To an academic, "interest" means you're reading scholarly articles about it, perhaps writing scholarly articles about it, and generally know a heck of a lot about it, its author, its circumstances, etc. I don't care about all that. I just want to read the book.
For a paper I'm writing, I'm currently looking at travel writing in the middle ages (pilgrim accounts and pilgrim guides). There are a surprising number of them. But I can't just read them. I need to read about them. I need to find something scholarly and insightful about them. I need to write about them. I can't just enjoy them for what they are: I don't have time.
I especially don't like researching and writing on a deadline. I hate the feeling running out of time and just then finding the perfect article or book that would help me immensely. I hate the pressure of 3 papers due in one week, and feeling like I'm not making progress in any of them. And, apparently, if I stay in academia, this is what the rest of my life is going to be like: running from one deadline to another, spending most of my time reading things I'm not interested in, and writing things I find superfluous.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I don't want to do my PhD. Much as I love having access to thousands of primary texts (written in the middle ages), I don't want the pressure of needing to read dozens of articles for every medieval text, or needing to produce my own articles for any topic I'm interested in. My interests don't run that deep.
I told the registrar of Massey that it is possible that something could happen in the next month and a half to make me change my mind and want to do a PhD. I don't know what this might be. Quite frankly, I can't imagine anything that would make me change my mind, but stranger things have happened.
No, as it stands now, I'm perfectly content leaving with only two more letters after my name, and leaving the deep research on obscure topics to those with interest in such things.
Today in class I was given a perfect example of what I don't like about academia. We're reading the Dragmaticon by William of Conches. It's a wonderful book of medieval natural philosophy and I've enjoyed reading it. In fact, I'm inspired for a few SCA projects I want to do when I return to Montreal.
In class today, someone asked the seemingly-innocent question of when it was written. Apparently there's a controversy over this. Understand that in academia, there's a controversy over everything. A previous scholar of William of Conches, a man named Ranke, set the date in the late 1140s, for a variety of reasons not worth going into here. A contemporary scholar, who gave a talk at UofT last week, sets the date in the mid 1140s, for other reasons not worth going into. I see a conference paper or journal article approaching in the near future.
Now, bear with me... whichever of these two scholars is right, this book was written over 850 years ago! In my mind, a five-year difference doesn't really matter. This is why I'm not cut out to be an academic.
In academia, you can't have interests. To me, "interest" is the desire to read a book (say, William of Conches' Dragmaticon) and maybe google the author or read a general-interest secondary source about it (eg: something I'd find at Chapters). To an academic, "interest" means you're reading scholarly articles about it, perhaps writing scholarly articles about it, and generally know a heck of a lot about it, its author, its circumstances, etc. I don't care about all that. I just want to read the book.
For a paper I'm writing, I'm currently looking at travel writing in the middle ages (pilgrim accounts and pilgrim guides). There are a surprising number of them. But I can't just read them. I need to read about them. I need to find something scholarly and insightful about them. I need to write about them. I can't just enjoy them for what they are: I don't have time.
I especially don't like researching and writing on a deadline. I hate the feeling running out of time and just then finding the perfect article or book that would help me immensely. I hate the pressure of 3 papers due in one week, and feeling like I'm not making progress in any of them. And, apparently, if I stay in academia, this is what the rest of my life is going to be like: running from one deadline to another, spending most of my time reading things I'm not interested in, and writing things I find superfluous.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I don't want to do my PhD. Much as I love having access to thousands of primary texts (written in the middle ages), I don't want the pressure of needing to read dozens of articles for every medieval text, or needing to produce my own articles for any topic I'm interested in. My interests don't run that deep.
I told the registrar of Massey that it is possible that something could happen in the next month and a half to make me change my mind and want to do a PhD. I don't know what this might be. Quite frankly, I can't imagine anything that would make me change my mind, but stranger things have happened.
No, as it stands now, I'm perfectly content leaving with only two more letters after my name, and leaving the deep research on obscure topics to those with interest in such things.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 03:19 am (UTC)my worry, though, is what can I do with my MA? I realise this question constitutes a deep lack of imagination on my part, but I wonder from time to time why I'm bothering to do this... What's my next step?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 03:24 am (UTC)2. You can do whatever you can do with a BA, only more. You've got a leg up on all those people who just have BAs.
In my mind, if the only reason you're staying in school to get a PhD is because you can't think of a job you want to do, it's the wrong reason. (Note: this applies equally to me.)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 03:32 am (UTC)Honestly, the main reason I'm considering a PhD is for an easy move to another city/country. So long as I get a decent package, it's the easiest way to move and adjust if I should leave Canada.
The job thing scares me, since education doesn't seem to be as important/as big an advantage as it used to be. I find myself looking for the same jobs now as everyone else, with or without a Ba.
Again, lack of imagination. The jobs I want involove working with my hands, but they don't pay enough to justify the money spent on school.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 02:38 pm (UTC)If you feel as though your education has enriched your life, made you a more knowledgeable person and gosh darn it, ya just like bein' smert, then it has served it's purpose.
Don't let the general modern mentality pressure you. Traditionally, academia begets academia. Or, to phrase that in a sentence that actually makes sense; education historically serves the purpose of enriching the minds of intelligent individuals so that they may carry on the knowledge and instruct future generations (and sit around cafes smoking pipes debating topics that the common man would go "wha' fu'?").
If it helps, here's a little tid-bit.
The current education process, that encourages education as a means towards a career objective, has reached the point where an individual who has a degree in carpentry after only four years of education, will, by the general public, be considered a better carpenter than an individual who has taken over his father's business after apprenticing with him his whole life as what used to be tradition with this trade. (sorry for the long sentence)
Who has sponsored and suggested the growth of such programs? Who has funded the expansion of Cegeps, colleges and universities to fit more students? Who has lent the schools money if and only if they offer a wider variety of programs and make room for more students in each one?
The banks.
Why?.....
.... the profitability of student loans.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 04:40 pm (UTC)Obnoxiously, I feel that I know less now than I did when I started my M.A., with the possible exception of my Latin competance. I'm sure in time I'll be able to shift through the various Knowledge (tm) I've supposedly acquired over the last 6 months, but I'll be damned if I can do it now.
and sit around cafes smoking pipes debating topics that the common man would go "wha' fu'?"
Yup. You should hear what some of the PhD people in my department joke about. (Or read
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 12:55 pm (UTC)He's been there, done that - and for a long time it sucked his soul.
But he's starting to come back to the reason he first started doing it - which was his love of music.
Anyway, talk to him before you make any decisions, ok?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 02:41 pm (UTC)She's young, she has her whole life to change her mind and do her phd if she so chooses. Her gramps is proof of that.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 03:39 pm (UTC)And, for Emerlion's benefit, Ian is refering to the fact that my grandfather went back to school after retiring, got his B.A. and his M.A., and was on the road to his PhD before bureaucracy got in his way and he was forced to call it quits. My other grandfather, after retiring, went back to school and got his law degree from McGill.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 07:21 pm (UTC)Nor am I going to apologize for my comment. If eveglass has any issues with what I wrote, I know she will talk to me about it. She knows I am only pointing her towards someone who has been in her exact same position who might help her feel less guilty and more secure in her decision.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 08:26 pm (UTC)Also, knowing Ian the way I do, I'll say that he wasn't yelling at you. He really does talk like that and he's just trying to add some emotion to a generally emotionless medium. He's not asking you to apologize, just venting some frustration. (Ian, if I've gotten any of this wrong, feel free to correct me.)
As always, I'm happy to accept advice if either of you has anything more to say on the topic.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 09:10 pm (UTC)I will add that there is only one exclamation point directed at the reader, the other one is directed at god for not gifting me with perfect spelling.
People don't like being yelled at in person, not just in lj, and that doesn't stop me either. When someone deserves to be yelled at, I will yell at them. I'm an aggressive dick that way, people liking me is rather secondary (strangely they do anyways, I've never understood that, 'cuz I;m not even pretty!?!)
Lastly, in the same manner that you expect that Julie can respond to you herself (which is an entirely different issue), you could have told her this in person or sent her a private e-mail. When you commented on the open forum of LJ, you rolled your dice and set yourself up for what I like to call the lj game (okay, I don't really like to call it that, but I'm in a rush to get to work and couldn't think of a better name).
Other than that....er..... yeah.... everything Julie said.
;)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 09:18 pm (UTC)If I remember correctly, the common name for an emerlion strikes a coord in my Arthurian legend fanboy side.
That, and I like anybody who has the balls to try and take me down a peg, most people just grumble and back off.