A moment of self-doubt
Feb. 26th, 2006 12:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassSo here I am, sitting at my computer, more-or-less unable to get up, paralized by the running dialogue in my head, "I can't do this. There's too much work. I'll never be able to write my papers. I'll never graduate. If my profs knew how much I was flailing, they'd kick me out now and save us both the long agony of deterioration..."
I know, objectively, that this isn't really true. I'll get to the end of semester, write my papers, do moderately decently on them, (hopefully) pass the Latin exam, and get my piece of paper that lets me add two more letters to the end of my name. But that doesn't stop the internal dialogue. This is what I hate most about grad school: the feeling of utter helplessness and despair that sometimes hits me.
Please note: this is not an opportunity for you to tell me:
1. how much more stress you have than I do. I'm not in a "world's most overwhelmed person" contest.
2. that I'm spoiled and that my life is wonderful. I know that already.
3. that I'm smart and will make it through. I know that too.
Blargh. I'm off to the library in the hopes that SOME of the articles I saw on IMB will be halfway-useful in my papers. I've got a month and a half left, and no solid research yet.
I know, objectively, that this isn't really true. I'll get to the end of semester, write my papers, do moderately decently on them, (hopefully) pass the Latin exam, and get my piece of paper that lets me add two more letters to the end of my name. But that doesn't stop the internal dialogue. This is what I hate most about grad school: the feeling of utter helplessness and despair that sometimes hits me.
Please note: this is not an opportunity for you to tell me:
1. how much more stress you have than I do. I'm not in a "world's most overwhelmed person" contest.
2. that I'm spoiled and that my life is wonderful. I know that already.
3. that I'm smart and will make it through. I know that too.
Blargh. I'm off to the library in the hopes that SOME of the articles I saw on IMB will be halfway-useful in my papers. I've got a month and a half left, and no solid research yet.
