Winds of Vesperia
Oct. 6th, 2014 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassWorlds collide! Now that Marc is home from his summer in Wyoming, it’s time for Garrett to kick the rest of the PCs into gear. Or, y’know, allow them to nearly tear each other apart. Whichever.
[After being slashed apart by DAX Prime’s plane-shifting axe, Garrett finds himself in the ‘Fields of Mercy.’]
Garrett: “There’s nothing here!”
Man: “Yes, I know. Isn’t it great?”
[Living in the Fields of Mercy for thousands of years tends to make you go a little stir-crazy.]
Garrett: “Do you come from somewhere else?”
Man: “I don’t remember. There’s only so many things you can keep memorized, you know. Isn’t that a great word, ‘memorized’? Mem… or…”
Garrett: “I don’t care.”
[Novelty is the single greatest commodity in the Fields of Mercy.]
Garrett: “Here, play with this rock.”
Man: (excited) “It’s a new rock!”
[Garrett searches for someone who can give him answers.]
Garrett: “You! You look like you have tow brain cells to rub together.”
Man: *dumb stare*
Garrett: “…I might need to reevaluate that statement.”
[Garrett realizes what his arrival in the Fields of Mercy means.]
Marc: “I know if I give this one something new, they’re all gonna want something new. And ‘something new’ will become my toenail. Or the next best thing.”
[People keep pumping Garrett for any form of new information.]
Man: “Your goddess, is she new?”
Garrett: “No, she’s thousands of--“
Man: (disappointed) “Thousands? Oh. That’s okay, I guess.”
[A woman named Iona approaches Garrett.]
Iona: “It’s nice to speak with someone who hasn’t completely lost their mind.”
[Iona fends off the hordes who are attacking Garrett in the hopes that he will give them something new.]
Kyn the GM: “By this point, she’s not even hacking at them to protect you – it’s just something new to do.”
[The way out of the Fields of Mercy is easy and apparent: a giant pillar of light that’s a portal to… somewhere.]
Garrett: “Don’t think, just jump. Don’t think, just jump. Don’t think, just jump. Oh, who am I kidding?”
[Garrett psychs himself up to jump through the portal.]
Garrett: “Repeat after me: ‘What could possibly go wrong?’”
Iona: “…”
Garrett: “I need ot hear it from an elf, damnit!”
[Garrett jumps through the portal, accidentally taking Iona with him.]
Iona: “What have you done?!”
Garrett: “I channeled an idiot.”
[Garrett and Iona have found themselves in a vast, dense forest.]
Animals: *howling*
Iona: “What’s out there?”
Garrett: “My guess would be wolves. I hate that that’s a guess.”
[Garrett and Iona fight off a pack of dire wolves and their werewolf leader.]
Iona: “We survived!”
Wolves in the Forest: *more howling*
Garrett: “Don’t speak too soon.”
[Garrett and Iona run from the next pack of wolves. As they’re running, the wolves are attacked by a giant dire boar.]
Iona: “We’re saved!”
Kyn the GM: “The dire boar turns and looks at you.”
Garrett: “You with the speaking too soon…”
[Another encounter involves purple worms, i.e. giant burrowing worms that jump out at their prey, Dune-style.]
Marc: “I jump and cast wall of stone.”
Kyn the GM: “It goes right through it because it can pass through earth.”
Julie: “You have miscalculated, sir.”
[A pack of monstrous vultures has been circling the fight with the purple worm.]
Garrett: *blasts vulture*
Kyn the GM: “Poor bastard. He was going for the worm, not you.”
Marc: “Oh, we’re eating that fucker.”
[Certain things become apparent now that Garrett and Iona are no longer in the Fields of Mercy.]
Iona: (surprised) “I’m hungry.”
Iona: (happy) “I’m hungry.”
Iona: (distressed) “I’m hungry!”
[Their entire time in the forest, the inhabitants have not stopped trying to kill them.]
Garrett: “Let’s get somewhere safe. Ish.”
[Garrett and Iona have both been wounded in their various fights.]
Garrett: *discovers wand of cure light wounds in his pack* “Y’know, I was keeping this around for nostalgic purposes…”
[Now that they have a moment to rest, Garrett and Iona take stock of each other and their equipment.]
Garrett: “What drunk smith made your armor?”
Iona: “The hierophant of my order.”
Garrett: “…Right.”
Iona: “He was drunk, though.”
[After quite a number of days of nonstop fighting, Garrett and Iona find a way out.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s not a slash. It looks like someone clawed reality.”
Garrett: “I don’t want to meet the thing that did that.”
Julie: “We met it.”
[Garrett and Iona deliberate to whether they should jump through the portal when a new hazard reveals itself.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s a dire T-rex. It’s nothing but tail, claw, and teeth.”
Garrett: “I hate this place.”
[Garrett and Iona make the obvious choice.]
Garrett: “Right. Through the hole?”
Iona: “Could it be worse than this?”
Garrett: “Possibly.”
Kyn the GM: “The dire T-rex charges you.”
Garrett: “Not by much!”
[Garrett and Iona jump through the portal to find themselves in a lake.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s really thick, this water. And coppery. And red. In fact, it’s not water.”
Garrett: “Right – we need to get over you asking “Could things be worse?’”
[Garrett has figured out where he is.]
Kyn the GM: “Welcome to Hell.”
Marc: “Is that what it says on the sign?”
[Recall that Garrett and Iona are in a lake of blood.]
Kyn the GM: “How’s your swimming?”
Marc: “Because of all that water in Vesperia?”
[A barge approaches with several hideous demons on it.]
Iona: *panics*
Garrett: “…I need to channel an idiot again.”
[Garrett jumps onto the barge.]
Kyn the GM: “So, you’re surrounded by demons. Roll initiative.”
Marc: “It’s a bluff check to sit down and pretend nothing is wrong, isn’t it?”
Kyn the GM: “…Yes.”
[Garrett sits down and pretends nothing is wrong.]
Kyn the GM: “I’m giving them a +10 to their sense motive, because really?!”
[Garrett is torn limb from limb by the demons, decapitated, and thrown back into the lake of blood, where he immediately regenerates.]
Garrett: “I hate calculated risks.”
[Garrett and Iona are not technically in Hell but in the Abyss.]
Kyn the GM: “In Hell, they have more personalized torture. In the Abyss, it’s all about numbers.”
[The tortures are myriad and varied.]
Kyn the GM: “You’re buried to your neck and eaten alive by fire ants.”
Marc: “That’s okay – it gives me time to think.”
Kyn the GM: “What are you thinking? Because all Iona’s thinking is ‘AAARRRGGGHHH!’”
[Another torture involves Iona being dominated to eat Garrett alive.]
Kyn the GM: “You get to feel the joy of being eaten alive.”
Julie: “By a person – not fire ants.”
Kyn the GM: “Totally different sensations.”
[Another torture involves Garrett being flung into a pit of giant vermin… including one that Garrett recognizes: Crawly. Who now has much more firepower at his disposal.]
Kyn the GM: “The Abyss has no time. You haven’t given him the cannons yet, but you will do it, so it’s done now.”
[Crawly decides to rescue Garrett so that he can get more toys in the future.]
Kyn the GM: “There’s nothing in this particular portion of the Abyss that can handle Crawly.”
[Crawly picks Garrett and Iona up in its mouth.]
Iona: “Maybe it’ll get better now.”
Garrett: “Sigil’s not watching. Neither is Orion.” *backhands her*
[Crawly carries Garrett and Iona through a war between angels and demons.]
Garrett: “I have never been so happy to have armed a horrible creature like this.”
[Upon reaching their destination, Garrett is immediately knocked out.]
Kyn the GM: “You wake up in a bed. A comfortable bed. That’s not trying to eat you.”
[In the room is an angel. Garrett engages in some light discussion.]
Angel: “We do not have holy books. We are what the books are written about.”
[The angel provides Garrett with food.]
Kyn the GM: “Ah, divine. Quite literally.”
[The angel spends a lot of time just staring at Garrett.]
Garrett: “Is your gaze going to purify me?”
Angel: “No. I am simply your watcher.”
Garrett: “You’re taking that awfully literally.”
[Garrett still knows nothing about the angel.]
Garrett: “Do you have a name?”
Angel: “Yes.”
Garrett: “May I know it?”
Angel: “No.”
[Garrett investigates his cell.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s a stone wall.”
Marc: “What kind of stone?”
Kyn the GM: “…Celestial stone?”
[All the time that Garrett’s been in his cell, the ground has been occasionally shuddering. It gets worse, to the point where one of the walls of his cell has cracked.]
Garrett: “You can’t keep telling me this is nothing!”
Angel: “All will be well.”
Julie: “Apparently he can.”
[The angel explains what’s going on. Sorta.]
Angel: “It is nothing.”
Julie: “I think he may be being literal.”
[After the next rumbling, not only does the wall crack, but so does the ceiling. Garrett looks up.]
Kyn the GM: “Good news: you’re all gonna die.”
[More of the same.]
Kyn the GM: “Imagine you’re on Titan looking up at Jupiter, and Jupiter has a giant mouth.”
[Garrett rescues Iona, but sadly they need to go get her armor. On the way, they start encountering the creatures the World Eater has unleashed. They will eat anything.]
Kyn the GM: “They are as likely to attack you as a lamppost.”
[As they enter the prison where Iona’s armor is being kept, a chained woman calls to them to save her.]
Garrett: “Why are you here?”
Woman: “I was judged dangerous.”
[Garrett investigates the chains holding the woman.]
Marc: “Are they just regular iron chains?”
Kyn the GM: (dismissively) “No.”
[The woman tries to get Garrett to rescue her.]
Kyn the GM: “A perfect crystalline tear…”
Marc: “Yeah, she’s lying to me. She’s pulling a Jass.”
[It turns out the woman is in fact a succubus. The very same succubus, in fact, that attacked Jass on the Bright Dawn.]
Succubus: “I remember you, dwarf!”
Garrett: “You’ll remember my captain more.”
Succubus: “So delicious.”
[The succubus still wants Garrett to rescue her.]
Garrett: “Why should I trust you?”
Succubus: “You can’t, really.”
[Garrett ultimately makes both the succubus and Iona – who is still ignorant of the succubus’s true nature – to swear not to harm each other, and frees the succubus on the promise that she’ll take him to Vesperia.]
Kyn the GM: “The succubus is thinking, ‘I could leave them, but I’ll probably need something to throw to the eating monsters first.’”
[The succubus leads them to the portal out of Mount Celestia.]
Kyn the GM: “There are three portals.”
Succubus: *pauses*
Garrett: “This is you knowing the way? Eenie-meenie-mienie-moe?!”
[The succubus pauses just long enough to see the World Eater shatter the ceiling of Mount Celestia.]
Succubus: “Hey, I just wanted to see heaven destroyed.”
Iona: “Wha…?”
[Garrett, Iona, and the succubus – whose name is Vaenia the Sinful – arrive at their next location, Arcadia.]
Kyn the GM: “A sphinx walks out of the forest.”
Iona: “Who’s good at riddles?”
Both Women: *stare at Garrett*
[Also appearing is a pixie called Sir Tinder. He’s very excitable.]
Vaenia: *flicks Tinder away*
Sir Tinder: “Did you just flick me? Did you just flick me? Did you just flick me?!” *casts 60-hp fireball*
[More of the same.]
Sir Tinder: “Ooh! You’re a dwarf! *flies into Garrett’s beard* It is true! They do keep gold in their beards!”
[The time has come for Garrett to reveal Vaenia’s identity to Iona.]
Vaenia: “What am I, Garrett?”
Iona: “Yes, what is she, Garrett?”
Tony: “I feel ya, bro.”
[Sir Tinder watches the inevitable fight between Iona and Vaenia.]
Sir Tinder: “This is so good. I haven’t had this much fun since last week!”
[Garrett, meanwhile, is having his own problems.]
Sir Tinder: “Did you just take my gold?”
Garrett: “It’s my gold.”
Sir Tinder: “Did you just take my gold?!”
Garrett: “Yes.”
Sir Tinder: “…Okay. You should really do something about the sphinx behind you, though.”
[How to deal with the sphinx’s riddles, succubus-style.]
Kyn the GM: “Vaenia drops her robes.”
Pat: “That’s her power.”
Julie: “She’s a succubus – it is her power.”
[Vaenia drains the sphinx of all its levels and then discards him. She prepares to enter Arcadia, naked.]
Garrett: “Do you have something against clothing?”
Vaenia: “On principle, yes.”
[Sir Tinder has watched the proceedings with interest.]
Sir Tinder: “I believe I shall lead you now.”
Garrett: “Beg pardon?”
Sir Tinder: “I am your leader!”
Julie: “Aw, he’s like Therrion.”
[Vaenia attempts to lead the party back into Vesperia via the elemental plane of water.]
Kyn the GM: “You’re never going to look at seafood the same way again.”
[The elemental plane of water entrance doesn’t work. Vaenia attempts to find the portal from the elemental plane of shadow, but can’t find it.]
Vaenia: “Portals don’t move unless entire planes move.”
Drindari: *tinkling laughter*
Vaenia: “Have you been irritating gods, dwarf?”
Garrett: “More like gods have been irritating me.”
[Garrett discovers a library in Mechanus that holds all knowledge and hopes that it will reveal how to return to Vesperia.]
Kyn the GM: “The great plane of Mechanus is literally the worst place for this party.”
[Garrett tries to figure out how to enter the library.]
Garrett: “I have a plan.”
Every Else: “Oh, no.”
Pat: (as Garrett) “I never said it was a good plan – just that it was a plan.”
[Garrett fails to find the answers in the library at Mechanus. Instead, he begins preaching the Church of Sigil in the City of Pain, hoping to find her more followers.]
Marc: “Garrett’s a bad priest.”
Kyn the GM: “Good cleric, horrible priest.”
[Kyn the GM reflects on Iona and Vaenia.]
Kyn the GM: “They both want to survive, and this seems to be the group to do it with.”
[Garrett’s preaching is interrupted by a vision.]
Kyn the GM: “You have a dream about a book.”
Marc: “Not another one!”
[Garrett returns to the Library of Mechanus and spends six months searching. Ultimately, he finds something.]
Garrett: “This is what we’ve been looking for.”
Vaenia: “A fireplace?! We’ve passed millions of fireplaces!”
[The fireplace is in fact the Coldfire Hearth, the entrance to Tenebrous Hall, seat of Sigil.]
Garrett: “Under no circumstances are you to follow me.”
Everyone Else: (immediately) “Done.”
Garrett: “I’ll miss you too.”
[Garrett casts a silence spell over his companions so they won’t be able to hear the whispers from Tenebrous Hall.]
Julie, Kyn the GM, and Pat: *mime silent argument between Garrett’s companions*
Kyn the GM: “They’re horrible friends.”
Marc: “They really are.”
[Inside Tenebrous Hall, Garrett sees a book shrouded in shadows.]
Kyn the GM: “There are secrets mortals are not meant to know, and they’re in that book.”
[It turns out that Tenebrous Hall is… wrong. As though it were really the realm of someone else entirely.]
Garrett: *pauses a long time in front of the book*
Kyn the GM: “Marc, take the book.”
[Garrett takes the book and is chased back through the entrance by a colossal black panther, who rips out his spine.]
Iona: “What attacked you?!”
Garrett: “Drindari’s guard kitty.”
Bellows, Garrett’s cat companion: “Meow!”
[Garrett realizes that the book he stole is in fact the book of all Drindari’s secrets.]
Vaenia: “Do you know what’s in your hand, dwarf?”
Pat: “Payback.”
Tony: “Leverage.”
[Garrett has to decide whether to attempt to get answers from the book, or whether to try to be lucky and open it to precisely the page containing Drindari’s true name.]
Garrett: “Really, what good has thinking done me on this trip?”
[Garrett finds out Drindari’s true name, giving Sigil enough power to become a major god again and oust Drindari from her portfolio. Drindari is not about to take this lying down.]
Drindari: “Thank you, Master Garrett. You’ve been a perfect pawn.”
[Garrett realizes he’s saved Vesperia and his goddess.]
Garrett: “Ha!” *kisses Iona and Tinder*
Vaenia: *holds out arms to kiss him*
Julie: “Don’t kiss the succubus!”
Garrett: *high-fives Vaenia*
[Garrett pens a message to send to Jass.]
Tinder: “Ooh! Can I sign?”
Julie: (as Tinder) “’I memorized explosive runes today.’”
[Garrett ties the message to the ex-familiar cat Bellows.]
Iona: *throws Bellows into the portal*
Garrett: “I think he could have run it.”
Iona: “I really hate that cat.”
[Jass receives the letter. It is signed by all of Garrett’s companions, including Vaenia, whose name none of us have ever heard before.]
Queen T’ainesa: “’Kiss kiss’?”
Jass: “…How should I know?!”
[Other people have different priorities.]
Amber: “Why does a god recognize me?”
Jass: “That would be an excellent question to ask Garrett.”
[Sela interrupts the scene by barreling down, lance-first, towards T’ainesa. Jass jumps out, arms held wide, to stop her. This clearly will not work.]
Julie: “Amber will cast… oh, let’s be nice and call it a force wall instead of a prismatic wall, because she doesn’t want to kill the queen.”
[Jass tries to defuse the situation.]
Jass: “She’s fine.”
Sela: “We just agreed this morning that we have to kill her!”
Jass: “Vita agreed to that.”
[Sela tries to figure out what’s going on. People are not helping.]
Sela: “Someone’s gonna start explaining things to me in small words…”
Pat: “It’s okay, Garrett’s not here.”
[Sela’s been out of the loop on the latest developments.]
Queen T’ainesa: “You’ve been tricked by Vita again.”
Sela: “So you’ve cured yourself?”
Queen T’ainesa: “…No.”
[T’ainesa attempts to explain the situation. Or at least lay blame.]
Queen T’ainesa: *points to Jass* “It’s all your fault. Well, not you-you. The other you.”
[Sela explains that even if she wants to, she can’t just stop what she’s doing.]
Sela: “I swore on two goddesses! You made me do it!”
Queen T’ainesa: “Yes, but one of those goddesses has a high priestess right here who can release you from your oath. And the other is Sigil, so that should be enough.”
[The High Queen releases Sela from her oath to Elaurynt.]
Sela: “Very well. That leaves Sigil.”
Avari High Queen: “You will have to speak with one of their priests.”
SeSela: “You mean a priest of Zorn?”
[The situation is brought to a temporary standstill. T’ainesa realizes that Jass is beginning to shift again and decides to take him back to his quarters.]
Sela: “Enjoy. I believe he used to keep the ropes… well, you’d know better than I would.”
Queen T’ainesa: *laughs nervously*
[Once in his quarters, Jass shifts back into Nessa.]
Queen T’ainesa: “He… llo… I…”
Nessa: “—can speak your language.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Oh, good.”
Nessa: “Why it is everyone insists we’re retarded when they speak to us?”
[Tam visits Nessa. Queen T’ainesa attempts to figure out their relationship.]
Tam: “We’re not lovers. Well, we slept together a few times. Which I suppose means I slept with Jass. That man has no boundaries.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Really, Jass?!”
[Tam tries to explain the situation to Nessa.]
Tam: “On the bright side, you’re in front of the first human druid.”
Kyn the GM: (as Nessa) “What the hell’s a druid?”
Nessa: “You need to slow down with the revelations, Tam.”
[Necromancers and diviners arrive to attempt to figure out what’s happening to Jass/Nessa. At one point they accidentally trigger the transformation.]
Kyn the GM: “You wake up – you’re surrounded by humans.”
Tony: “It’s my worst nightmare.”
[The mages give their report. Option 1: a wish spell. Option 2…]
Amber: “Is there any change of separating the two souls into two bodies?”
Diviner: “Yes…”
Necromancer: *smirks*
[Jass/Nessa could be cured… by the High Magus of Necromancy. Who is in no mind to help us.]
Necromancer: “My archmagus is remarkably busy for the foreseeable future.”
Queen T’ainesa: “I’m making a demand.”
Necromancer: “We don’t take demands from pointy-ears.”
Amber: “What my colleague means to say…”
Queen T’ainesa: “I know what your colleague meant to say. Allow me to make a rebuttal: you really don’t want to piss me off.”
[Queen T’ainesa doesn’t yet quite understand the depths of the problem.]
Queen T’ainesa: “This is great! You can get your high magus…”
Amber: “I will certainly make every possibly effort to enlist his assistance, Your Majesty.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Wow, I can actually hear the ‘no chance in seven hells’ in that sentence.”
[Queen T’ainesa realized that Jass, posing as Nessa, seriously pissed off the High Mage of Necromancy right after the failed ritual.]
Queen T’ainesa: “Really, Jass? Just once could you not anger someone all-powerful?! Just once?!”
[Amber decides to see what she can do about things.]
Amber: “If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to cause problems within the Mage Corps.”
Nessa: “I wish I could watch.”
[Sela discusses the situation to her superior, High Magus Stephan of Transmutation.]
High Magus Stephan: “Tam has been… emotional about the Nessa issue.”
Amber: “Specialist Tam believes that Nessa is not dead.”
High Magus Stephan: “Technically, he’s right.”
Both, in perfect unison: “Technically.”
[Amber tries to find out what can be done to get the necromancers to agree to help Nessa/Jass. It’s not easy.]
High Magus Stephan: “My colleague was kind enough to give me his schedule for the next five years.”
[Another potential option is a wish spell. Though that may not be any better.]
High Magus Stephan: “What’s the first lesson we taught you about wish spells?”
Amber: “’’Wish spells have unintended consequences and must be phrased precisely, without any loopholes through which reality can shift in manners unexpected.’”
High Magus Stephan: “Now, tell me, looking at the situation we’re in, how many loopholes do you see?”
Amber: “…I admit it will be complicated.”
[Back to Plan A.]
Amber: “What will High Mage Ivan of Necromancy require?”
High Mage Stephan: “He requires nothing. He’s a vindictive monster.”
[High Magus Stephan has a few words of warning for Amber.]
High Magus Stephan: “Don’t even think of heroically sacrificing yourself.”
Amber:”I have no intention of heroically sacrificing myself.”
Pat: “You’re talking to the wrong party member.”
[But wait, there’s more!]
High Magus Stephan: “As it stands, there’s a more pressing issue.”
Amber: “Oh? Is this something I am or am not yet aware of?”
[The plan is to have ‘Nessa’ go to the City of Pain to escape the many people who would want to laud her as a hero, and who don’t know that she’s also Jass.]
Tony: “Classified information: welcome to being the top brass.”
[After the meeting, Amber catches up on other priorities, like dealing with the fact that she slept with an ancient black dragon.]
Julie: “Amber goes back to her quarters. She makes sure she has a vial of antitox for the drunkenness and/or hangover she is absolutely going to have, pulls out the first bottle of elven wine, fills up a glass, and starts drinking.”
[The Mage Corps have created a magic item to allow Jass/Nessa to control their transformations. Jass will take charge of the body on the mission to the City of Pain to meet with Garrett. Amber lays out the situation for Nessa.]
Nessa: “What do I have to do?”
Amber: “Literally nothing.”
[Amber is given the item to trap Nessa away and allow Jass control of the body.]
Kyn the GM: “They give it to you. You’re her friend.”
Julie: “That makes it harder! Oh boy, oh boy! Thank you ever so much, Archmagus!”
[Amber enters with the magic item, i.e. a pair of chainless shackles.]
Julie: “Who is it?”
Kyn the GM: “It’s still Nessa. I’m gonna make this as hard as humanly possible for you.”
Julie: “Of course you are.”
[Jass takes control of his body again.]
Queen T’ainesa: “I should hit you for sleeping with a man!”
Jass: “I told you I’d never sleep with another woman.”
Queen T’ainesa: “You’re a horrible human being.”
Jass: “I am, actually. I’m an even worse elf.”
[Amber leaves to go consult with the engineers regarding retrofitting Jass’ ship to fly in the astral plane.]
Amber: “Specialist Tam, if you’ll come with me?”
Julie: “Mostly, Amber doesn’t want to leave Tam alone with Jass and T’ainesa, not that she’ll tell him that.”
[Jass explains to his crew what happened with Vita.]
Kyn the GM: “A number of the female crew members go off to take cold showers.”
Julie: “Amber still has moments like that too.”
Pat: “I feel so violated.”
Julie: “You didn’t have sex with a black dragon.”
[The elves and the humans begin retrofitting Jass’ ship.]
Pat: “After one night, the elves have drawn a perfect square and are beginning to contemplate how to lay out the plans. The humans have the equipment and are like, ‘Okay, where do we put it?’”
[There is also the question of food for the journey.]
Julie: “The mages set up hydroponics bays in one of the spare…”
Elven Cleric: *casts spell to create food*
Julie: (as human mage) “Oh, hey, that’s handy!”
[Meanwhile, back with Garrett…]
Sir Tinder: “Are they here yet?”
Julie: “Inside the egg, it’s only been a few days. That means that outside it’s been… twenty minute?”
Sir Tinder: “Are they here yet? Are they here yet? It’s been so long!”
[Few people know what’s actually happened to Nessa… not even Felicity, her co-pilot.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “Is she alive?”
Tam: “Yes, she’s alive.”
Lieutenant Felicity: “Then why isn’t she here?”
Tam: “…It’s complicated.”
[The time you know you’re gonna have some issues…]
Kyn the GM: “Felicity volunteers to be on the mission to the astral plane.”
Tony: “…That’s your problem to figure out.”
[Felicity is trying to get anyone to help her. Anyone at all.]
Amber: “I’m sorry, Felicity, I can’t grant your request.”
Julie: “It’s okay, Amber has a reputation as a cold-hearted bitch anyway. Why change now?”
[Felicity seeks answers from the source.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “Is she dead?”
Jass: “No. She’s not dead. Technically.”
Lieutenant Felicity: “Technically’?”
[Jass transforms into Nessa so that they might speak. Sadly, you’ll recall that all of Felicity’s interactions with Nessa have actually been with Jass, posing as Nessa, so the real Nessa doesn’t remember her co-pilot at all.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “I loved you!”
Julie: “Welcome to the club.”
[Felicity takes her own life, sending shock waves through the fleet. Tam is particularly shaken. Amber agrees to investigate.]
Tam: “Can you find out what happened? And keep me posted?”
Pat: “You know him well enough that you know you should absolutely not tell him anything.”
[Amber figures out that Felicity has talked to Jass. She follows up.]
Crewmate: “Captain, another human to see you.”
Jass: “Who is it?”
Crewmate: “The one you did not sleep with… when you were you.”
[Jass apologizes. Again.]
Jass: “I’m sorry. I can only say that so often.”
[Just as Amber’s leaving, Jass asks the obvious question.]
Jass: “Is she all right?”
Amber: “No.”
[This pretty much sums up the entire campaign for the last few sessions.]
Tony: “Jass goes to the funeral if he’s allowed.”
Pat: “Would you just take this dagger out of my back?”
Tony: “Sure, I picked it out of the twenty billion in mine.”
Kyn the GM: “You guys are so horrible. I love it.”
[Amber plans to speak to Tam.]
Julie: “She’s trying to decide how much to tell him.”
Pat: “Lie! For the love of God, lie!”
[Amber breaks absolutely no news to Tam.]
Amber: “I don’t know. Divinations don’t work on the dead.”
High Magus Ivan of Necromancy: *steps out of the shadows* “You know what does work? Necromancy.”
Julie: “This is Amber’s poker face with zero bluff.”
[High Magus Ivan informs Tam that Felicity spoke to Jass shortly before she died.]
Kyn the GM: “I rolled to see how much of an asshole he is. I rolled 92% asshole.”
[Ivan just likes driving in the knife deeper.]
High Magus Ivan: *patting Tam’s back, but staring directly at Amber* “It’s a shame when you trust someone and they betray your trust.”
Julie: “The funny thing is that he trusted Amber in the first place.”
[Amber reflects on High Magus Ivan.]
Julie: “I knew I didn’t like him for a reason… completely aside from the fact that he wanted to kill tens of thousands of elves.”
[Tam is not pleased at what he found out about Jass and Felicity.]
Tam: “He’s got a year. Once I’m out of the military, I’m killing him.”
Julie: (as Amber) “…Well, I’ve got a year before I need to solve that problem.”
Join us Friday for the grand finale! Or at least, the grand cliffhanger! I have a feeling it’s gonna be a doozie…
[After being slashed apart by DAX Prime’s plane-shifting axe, Garrett finds himself in the ‘Fields of Mercy.’]
Garrett: “There’s nothing here!”
Man: “Yes, I know. Isn’t it great?”
[Living in the Fields of Mercy for thousands of years tends to make you go a little stir-crazy.]
Garrett: “Do you come from somewhere else?”
Man: “I don’t remember. There’s only so many things you can keep memorized, you know. Isn’t that a great word, ‘memorized’? Mem… or…”
Garrett: “I don’t care.”
[Novelty is the single greatest commodity in the Fields of Mercy.]
Garrett: “Here, play with this rock.”
Man: (excited) “It’s a new rock!”
[Garrett searches for someone who can give him answers.]
Garrett: “You! You look like you have tow brain cells to rub together.”
Man: *dumb stare*
Garrett: “…I might need to reevaluate that statement.”
[Garrett realizes what his arrival in the Fields of Mercy means.]
Marc: “I know if I give this one something new, they’re all gonna want something new. And ‘something new’ will become my toenail. Or the next best thing.”
[People keep pumping Garrett for any form of new information.]
Man: “Your goddess, is she new?”
Garrett: “No, she’s thousands of--“
Man: (disappointed) “Thousands? Oh. That’s okay, I guess.”
[A woman named Iona approaches Garrett.]
Iona: “It’s nice to speak with someone who hasn’t completely lost their mind.”
[Iona fends off the hordes who are attacking Garrett in the hopes that he will give them something new.]
Kyn the GM: “By this point, she’s not even hacking at them to protect you – it’s just something new to do.”
[The way out of the Fields of Mercy is easy and apparent: a giant pillar of light that’s a portal to… somewhere.]
Garrett: “Don’t think, just jump. Don’t think, just jump. Don’t think, just jump. Oh, who am I kidding?”
[Garrett psychs himself up to jump through the portal.]
Garrett: “Repeat after me: ‘What could possibly go wrong?’”
Iona: “…”
Garrett: “I need ot hear it from an elf, damnit!”
[Garrett jumps through the portal, accidentally taking Iona with him.]
Iona: “What have you done?!”
Garrett: “I channeled an idiot.”
[Garrett and Iona have found themselves in a vast, dense forest.]
Animals: *howling*
Iona: “What’s out there?”
Garrett: “My guess would be wolves. I hate that that’s a guess.”
[Garrett and Iona fight off a pack of dire wolves and their werewolf leader.]
Iona: “We survived!”
Wolves in the Forest: *more howling*
Garrett: “Don’t speak too soon.”
[Garrett and Iona run from the next pack of wolves. As they’re running, the wolves are attacked by a giant dire boar.]
Iona: “We’re saved!”
Kyn the GM: “The dire boar turns and looks at you.”
Garrett: “You with the speaking too soon…”
[Another encounter involves purple worms, i.e. giant burrowing worms that jump out at their prey, Dune-style.]
Marc: “I jump and cast wall of stone.”
Kyn the GM: “It goes right through it because it can pass through earth.”
Julie: “You have miscalculated, sir.”
[A pack of monstrous vultures has been circling the fight with the purple worm.]
Garrett: *blasts vulture*
Kyn the GM: “Poor bastard. He was going for the worm, not you.”
Marc: “Oh, we’re eating that fucker.”
[Certain things become apparent now that Garrett and Iona are no longer in the Fields of Mercy.]
Iona: (surprised) “I’m hungry.”
Iona: (happy) “I’m hungry.”
Iona: (distressed) “I’m hungry!”
[Their entire time in the forest, the inhabitants have not stopped trying to kill them.]
Garrett: “Let’s get somewhere safe. Ish.”
[Garrett and Iona have both been wounded in their various fights.]
Garrett: *discovers wand of cure light wounds in his pack* “Y’know, I was keeping this around for nostalgic purposes…”
[Now that they have a moment to rest, Garrett and Iona take stock of each other and their equipment.]
Garrett: “What drunk smith made your armor?”
Iona: “The hierophant of my order.”
Garrett: “…Right.”
Iona: “He was drunk, though.”
[After quite a number of days of nonstop fighting, Garrett and Iona find a way out.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s not a slash. It looks like someone clawed reality.”
Garrett: “I don’t want to meet the thing that did that.”
Julie: “We met it.”
[Garrett and Iona deliberate to whether they should jump through the portal when a new hazard reveals itself.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s a dire T-rex. It’s nothing but tail, claw, and teeth.”
Garrett: “I hate this place.”
[Garrett and Iona make the obvious choice.]
Garrett: “Right. Through the hole?”
Iona: “Could it be worse than this?”
Garrett: “Possibly.”
Kyn the GM: “The dire T-rex charges you.”
Garrett: “Not by much!”
[Garrett and Iona jump through the portal to find themselves in a lake.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s really thick, this water. And coppery. And red. In fact, it’s not water.”
Garrett: “Right – we need to get over you asking “Could things be worse?’”
[Garrett has figured out where he is.]
Kyn the GM: “Welcome to Hell.”
Marc: “Is that what it says on the sign?”
[Recall that Garrett and Iona are in a lake of blood.]
Kyn the GM: “How’s your swimming?”
Marc: “Because of all that water in Vesperia?”
[A barge approaches with several hideous demons on it.]
Iona: *panics*
Garrett: “…I need to channel an idiot again.”
[Garrett jumps onto the barge.]
Kyn the GM: “So, you’re surrounded by demons. Roll initiative.”
Marc: “It’s a bluff check to sit down and pretend nothing is wrong, isn’t it?”
Kyn the GM: “…Yes.”
[Garrett sits down and pretends nothing is wrong.]
Kyn the GM: “I’m giving them a +10 to their sense motive, because really?!”
[Garrett is torn limb from limb by the demons, decapitated, and thrown back into the lake of blood, where he immediately regenerates.]
Garrett: “I hate calculated risks.”
[Garrett and Iona are not technically in Hell but in the Abyss.]
Kyn the GM: “In Hell, they have more personalized torture. In the Abyss, it’s all about numbers.”
[The tortures are myriad and varied.]
Kyn the GM: “You’re buried to your neck and eaten alive by fire ants.”
Marc: “That’s okay – it gives me time to think.”
Kyn the GM: “What are you thinking? Because all Iona’s thinking is ‘AAARRRGGGHHH!’”
[Another torture involves Iona being dominated to eat Garrett alive.]
Kyn the GM: “You get to feel the joy of being eaten alive.”
Julie: “By a person – not fire ants.”
Kyn the GM: “Totally different sensations.”
[Another torture involves Garrett being flung into a pit of giant vermin… including one that Garrett recognizes: Crawly. Who now has much more firepower at his disposal.]
Kyn the GM: “The Abyss has no time. You haven’t given him the cannons yet, but you will do it, so it’s done now.”
[Crawly decides to rescue Garrett so that he can get more toys in the future.]
Kyn the GM: “There’s nothing in this particular portion of the Abyss that can handle Crawly.”
[Crawly picks Garrett and Iona up in its mouth.]
Iona: “Maybe it’ll get better now.”
Garrett: “Sigil’s not watching. Neither is Orion.” *backhands her*
[Crawly carries Garrett and Iona through a war between angels and demons.]
Garrett: “I have never been so happy to have armed a horrible creature like this.”
[Upon reaching their destination, Garrett is immediately knocked out.]
Kyn the GM: “You wake up in a bed. A comfortable bed. That’s not trying to eat you.”
[In the room is an angel. Garrett engages in some light discussion.]
Angel: “We do not have holy books. We are what the books are written about.”
[The angel provides Garrett with food.]
Kyn the GM: “Ah, divine. Quite literally.”
[The angel spends a lot of time just staring at Garrett.]
Garrett: “Is your gaze going to purify me?”
Angel: “No. I am simply your watcher.”
Garrett: “You’re taking that awfully literally.”
[Garrett still knows nothing about the angel.]
Garrett: “Do you have a name?”
Angel: “Yes.”
Garrett: “May I know it?”
Angel: “No.”
[Garrett investigates his cell.]
Kyn the GM: “It’s a stone wall.”
Marc: “What kind of stone?”
Kyn the GM: “…Celestial stone?”
[All the time that Garrett’s been in his cell, the ground has been occasionally shuddering. It gets worse, to the point where one of the walls of his cell has cracked.]
Garrett: “You can’t keep telling me this is nothing!”
Angel: “All will be well.”
Julie: “Apparently he can.”
[The angel explains what’s going on. Sorta.]
Angel: “It is nothing.”
Julie: “I think he may be being literal.”
[After the next rumbling, not only does the wall crack, but so does the ceiling. Garrett looks up.]
Kyn the GM: “Good news: you’re all gonna die.”
[More of the same.]
Kyn the GM: “Imagine you’re on Titan looking up at Jupiter, and Jupiter has a giant mouth.”
[Garrett rescues Iona, but sadly they need to go get her armor. On the way, they start encountering the creatures the World Eater has unleashed. They will eat anything.]
Kyn the GM: “They are as likely to attack you as a lamppost.”
[As they enter the prison where Iona’s armor is being kept, a chained woman calls to them to save her.]
Garrett: “Why are you here?”
Woman: “I was judged dangerous.”
[Garrett investigates the chains holding the woman.]
Marc: “Are they just regular iron chains?”
Kyn the GM: (dismissively) “No.”
[The woman tries to get Garrett to rescue her.]
Kyn the GM: “A perfect crystalline tear…”
Marc: “Yeah, she’s lying to me. She’s pulling a Jass.”
[It turns out the woman is in fact a succubus. The very same succubus, in fact, that attacked Jass on the Bright Dawn.]
Succubus: “I remember you, dwarf!”
Garrett: “You’ll remember my captain more.”
Succubus: “So delicious.”
[The succubus still wants Garrett to rescue her.]
Garrett: “Why should I trust you?”
Succubus: “You can’t, really.”
[Garrett ultimately makes both the succubus and Iona – who is still ignorant of the succubus’s true nature – to swear not to harm each other, and frees the succubus on the promise that she’ll take him to Vesperia.]
Kyn the GM: “The succubus is thinking, ‘I could leave them, but I’ll probably need something to throw to the eating monsters first.’”
[The succubus leads them to the portal out of Mount Celestia.]
Kyn the GM: “There are three portals.”
Succubus: *pauses*
Garrett: “This is you knowing the way? Eenie-meenie-mienie-moe?!”
[The succubus pauses just long enough to see the World Eater shatter the ceiling of Mount Celestia.]
Succubus: “Hey, I just wanted to see heaven destroyed.”
Iona: “Wha…?”
[Garrett, Iona, and the succubus – whose name is Vaenia the Sinful – arrive at their next location, Arcadia.]
Kyn the GM: “A sphinx walks out of the forest.”
Iona: “Who’s good at riddles?”
Both Women: *stare at Garrett*
[Also appearing is a pixie called Sir Tinder. He’s very excitable.]
Vaenia: *flicks Tinder away*
Sir Tinder: “Did you just flick me? Did you just flick me? Did you just flick me?!” *casts 60-hp fireball*
[More of the same.]
Sir Tinder: “Ooh! You’re a dwarf! *flies into Garrett’s beard* It is true! They do keep gold in their beards!”
[The time has come for Garrett to reveal Vaenia’s identity to Iona.]
Vaenia: “What am I, Garrett?”
Iona: “Yes, what is she, Garrett?”
Tony: “I feel ya, bro.”
[Sir Tinder watches the inevitable fight between Iona and Vaenia.]
Sir Tinder: “This is so good. I haven’t had this much fun since last week!”
[Garrett, meanwhile, is having his own problems.]
Sir Tinder: “Did you just take my gold?”
Garrett: “It’s my gold.”
Sir Tinder: “Did you just take my gold?!”
Garrett: “Yes.”
Sir Tinder: “…Okay. You should really do something about the sphinx behind you, though.”
[How to deal with the sphinx’s riddles, succubus-style.]
Kyn the GM: “Vaenia drops her robes.”
Pat: “That’s her power.”
Julie: “She’s a succubus – it is her power.”
[Vaenia drains the sphinx of all its levels and then discards him. She prepares to enter Arcadia, naked.]
Garrett: “Do you have something against clothing?”
Vaenia: “On principle, yes.”
[Sir Tinder has watched the proceedings with interest.]
Sir Tinder: “I believe I shall lead you now.”
Garrett: “Beg pardon?”
Sir Tinder: “I am your leader!”
Julie: “Aw, he’s like Therrion.”
[Vaenia attempts to lead the party back into Vesperia via the elemental plane of water.]
Kyn the GM: “You’re never going to look at seafood the same way again.”
[The elemental plane of water entrance doesn’t work. Vaenia attempts to find the portal from the elemental plane of shadow, but can’t find it.]
Vaenia: “Portals don’t move unless entire planes move.”
Drindari: *tinkling laughter*
Vaenia: “Have you been irritating gods, dwarf?”
Garrett: “More like gods have been irritating me.”
[Garrett discovers a library in Mechanus that holds all knowledge and hopes that it will reveal how to return to Vesperia.]
Kyn the GM: “The great plane of Mechanus is literally the worst place for this party.”
[Garrett tries to figure out how to enter the library.]
Garrett: “I have a plan.”
Every Else: “Oh, no.”
Pat: (as Garrett) “I never said it was a good plan – just that it was a plan.”
[Garrett fails to find the answers in the library at Mechanus. Instead, he begins preaching the Church of Sigil in the City of Pain, hoping to find her more followers.]
Marc: “Garrett’s a bad priest.”
Kyn the GM: “Good cleric, horrible priest.”
[Kyn the GM reflects on Iona and Vaenia.]
Kyn the GM: “They both want to survive, and this seems to be the group to do it with.”
[Garrett’s preaching is interrupted by a vision.]
Kyn the GM: “You have a dream about a book.”
Marc: “Not another one!”
[Garrett returns to the Library of Mechanus and spends six months searching. Ultimately, he finds something.]
Garrett: “This is what we’ve been looking for.”
Vaenia: “A fireplace?! We’ve passed millions of fireplaces!”
[The fireplace is in fact the Coldfire Hearth, the entrance to Tenebrous Hall, seat of Sigil.]
Garrett: “Under no circumstances are you to follow me.”
Everyone Else: (immediately) “Done.”
Garrett: “I’ll miss you too.”
[Garrett casts a silence spell over his companions so they won’t be able to hear the whispers from Tenebrous Hall.]
Julie, Kyn the GM, and Pat: *mime silent argument between Garrett’s companions*
Kyn the GM: “They’re horrible friends.”
Marc: “They really are.”
[Inside Tenebrous Hall, Garrett sees a book shrouded in shadows.]
Kyn the GM: “There are secrets mortals are not meant to know, and they’re in that book.”
[It turns out that Tenebrous Hall is… wrong. As though it were really the realm of someone else entirely.]
Garrett: *pauses a long time in front of the book*
Kyn the GM: “Marc, take the book.”
[Garrett takes the book and is chased back through the entrance by a colossal black panther, who rips out his spine.]
Iona: “What attacked you?!”
Garrett: “Drindari’s guard kitty.”
Bellows, Garrett’s cat companion: “Meow!”
[Garrett realizes that the book he stole is in fact the book of all Drindari’s secrets.]
Vaenia: “Do you know what’s in your hand, dwarf?”
Pat: “Payback.”
Tony: “Leverage.”
[Garrett has to decide whether to attempt to get answers from the book, or whether to try to be lucky and open it to precisely the page containing Drindari’s true name.]
Garrett: “Really, what good has thinking done me on this trip?”
[Garrett finds out Drindari’s true name, giving Sigil enough power to become a major god again and oust Drindari from her portfolio. Drindari is not about to take this lying down.]
Drindari: “Thank you, Master Garrett. You’ve been a perfect pawn.”
[Garrett realizes he’s saved Vesperia and his goddess.]
Garrett: “Ha!” *kisses Iona and Tinder*
Vaenia: *holds out arms to kiss him*
Julie: “Don’t kiss the succubus!”
Garrett: *high-fives Vaenia*
[Garrett pens a message to send to Jass.]
Tinder: “Ooh! Can I sign?”
Julie: (as Tinder) “’I memorized explosive runes today.’”
[Garrett ties the message to the ex-familiar cat Bellows.]
Iona: *throws Bellows into the portal*
Garrett: “I think he could have run it.”
Iona: “I really hate that cat.”
[Jass receives the letter. It is signed by all of Garrett’s companions, including Vaenia, whose name none of us have ever heard before.]
Queen T’ainesa: “’Kiss kiss’?”
Jass: “…How should I know?!”
[Other people have different priorities.]
Amber: “Why does a god recognize me?”
Jass: “That would be an excellent question to ask Garrett.”
[Sela interrupts the scene by barreling down, lance-first, towards T’ainesa. Jass jumps out, arms held wide, to stop her. This clearly will not work.]
Julie: “Amber will cast… oh, let’s be nice and call it a force wall instead of a prismatic wall, because she doesn’t want to kill the queen.”
[Jass tries to defuse the situation.]
Jass: “She’s fine.”
Sela: “We just agreed this morning that we have to kill her!”
Jass: “Vita agreed to that.”
[Sela tries to figure out what’s going on. People are not helping.]
Sela: “Someone’s gonna start explaining things to me in small words…”
Pat: “It’s okay, Garrett’s not here.”
[Sela’s been out of the loop on the latest developments.]
Queen T’ainesa: “You’ve been tricked by Vita again.”
Sela: “So you’ve cured yourself?”
Queen T’ainesa: “…No.”
[T’ainesa attempts to explain the situation. Or at least lay blame.]
Queen T’ainesa: *points to Jass* “It’s all your fault. Well, not you-you. The other you.”
[Sela explains that even if she wants to, she can’t just stop what she’s doing.]
Sela: “I swore on two goddesses! You made me do it!”
Queen T’ainesa: “Yes, but one of those goddesses has a high priestess right here who can release you from your oath. And the other is Sigil, so that should be enough.”
[The High Queen releases Sela from her oath to Elaurynt.]
Sela: “Very well. That leaves Sigil.”
Avari High Queen: “You will have to speak with one of their priests.”
SeSela: “You mean a priest of Zorn?”
[The situation is brought to a temporary standstill. T’ainesa realizes that Jass is beginning to shift again and decides to take him back to his quarters.]
Sela: “Enjoy. I believe he used to keep the ropes… well, you’d know better than I would.”
Queen T’ainesa: *laughs nervously*
[Once in his quarters, Jass shifts back into Nessa.]
Queen T’ainesa: “He… llo… I…”
Nessa: “—can speak your language.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Oh, good.”
Nessa: “Why it is everyone insists we’re retarded when they speak to us?”
[Tam visits Nessa. Queen T’ainesa attempts to figure out their relationship.]
Tam: “We’re not lovers. Well, we slept together a few times. Which I suppose means I slept with Jass. That man has no boundaries.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Really, Jass?!”
[Tam tries to explain the situation to Nessa.]
Tam: “On the bright side, you’re in front of the first human druid.”
Kyn the GM: (as Nessa) “What the hell’s a druid?”
Nessa: “You need to slow down with the revelations, Tam.”
[Necromancers and diviners arrive to attempt to figure out what’s happening to Jass/Nessa. At one point they accidentally trigger the transformation.]
Kyn the GM: “You wake up – you’re surrounded by humans.”
Tony: “It’s my worst nightmare.”
[The mages give their report. Option 1: a wish spell. Option 2…]
Amber: “Is there any change of separating the two souls into two bodies?”
Diviner: “Yes…”
Necromancer: *smirks*
[Jass/Nessa could be cured… by the High Magus of Necromancy. Who is in no mind to help us.]
Necromancer: “My archmagus is remarkably busy for the foreseeable future.”
Queen T’ainesa: “I’m making a demand.”
Necromancer: “We don’t take demands from pointy-ears.”
Amber: “What my colleague means to say…”
Queen T’ainesa: “I know what your colleague meant to say. Allow me to make a rebuttal: you really don’t want to piss me off.”
[Queen T’ainesa doesn’t yet quite understand the depths of the problem.]
Queen T’ainesa: “This is great! You can get your high magus…”
Amber: “I will certainly make every possibly effort to enlist his assistance, Your Majesty.”
Queen T’ainesa: “Wow, I can actually hear the ‘no chance in seven hells’ in that sentence.”
[Queen T’ainesa realized that Jass, posing as Nessa, seriously pissed off the High Mage of Necromancy right after the failed ritual.]
Queen T’ainesa: “Really, Jass? Just once could you not anger someone all-powerful?! Just once?!”
[Amber decides to see what she can do about things.]
Amber: “If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to cause problems within the Mage Corps.”
Nessa: “I wish I could watch.”
[Sela discusses the situation to her superior, High Magus Stephan of Transmutation.]
High Magus Stephan: “Tam has been… emotional about the Nessa issue.”
Amber: “Specialist Tam believes that Nessa is not dead.”
High Magus Stephan: “Technically, he’s right.”
Both, in perfect unison: “Technically.”
[Amber tries to find out what can be done to get the necromancers to agree to help Nessa/Jass. It’s not easy.]
High Magus Stephan: “My colleague was kind enough to give me his schedule for the next five years.”
[Another potential option is a wish spell. Though that may not be any better.]
High Magus Stephan: “What’s the first lesson we taught you about wish spells?”
Amber: “’’Wish spells have unintended consequences and must be phrased precisely, without any loopholes through which reality can shift in manners unexpected.’”
High Magus Stephan: “Now, tell me, looking at the situation we’re in, how many loopholes do you see?”
Amber: “…I admit it will be complicated.”
[Back to Plan A.]
Amber: “What will High Mage Ivan of Necromancy require?”
High Mage Stephan: “He requires nothing. He’s a vindictive monster.”
[High Magus Stephan has a few words of warning for Amber.]
High Magus Stephan: “Don’t even think of heroically sacrificing yourself.”
Amber:”I have no intention of heroically sacrificing myself.”
Pat: “You’re talking to the wrong party member.”
[But wait, there’s more!]
High Magus Stephan: “As it stands, there’s a more pressing issue.”
Amber: “Oh? Is this something I am or am not yet aware of?”
[The plan is to have ‘Nessa’ go to the City of Pain to escape the many people who would want to laud her as a hero, and who don’t know that she’s also Jass.]
Tony: “Classified information: welcome to being the top brass.”
[After the meeting, Amber catches up on other priorities, like dealing with the fact that she slept with an ancient black dragon.]
Julie: “Amber goes back to her quarters. She makes sure she has a vial of antitox for the drunkenness and/or hangover she is absolutely going to have, pulls out the first bottle of elven wine, fills up a glass, and starts drinking.”
[The Mage Corps have created a magic item to allow Jass/Nessa to control their transformations. Jass will take charge of the body on the mission to the City of Pain to meet with Garrett. Amber lays out the situation for Nessa.]
Nessa: “What do I have to do?”
Amber: “Literally nothing.”
[Amber is given the item to trap Nessa away and allow Jass control of the body.]
Kyn the GM: “They give it to you. You’re her friend.”
Julie: “That makes it harder! Oh boy, oh boy! Thank you ever so much, Archmagus!”
[Amber enters with the magic item, i.e. a pair of chainless shackles.]
Julie: “Who is it?”
Kyn the GM: “It’s still Nessa. I’m gonna make this as hard as humanly possible for you.”
Julie: “Of course you are.”
[Jass takes control of his body again.]
Queen T’ainesa: “I should hit you for sleeping with a man!”
Jass: “I told you I’d never sleep with another woman.”
Queen T’ainesa: “You’re a horrible human being.”
Jass: “I am, actually. I’m an even worse elf.”
[Amber leaves to go consult with the engineers regarding retrofitting Jass’ ship to fly in the astral plane.]
Amber: “Specialist Tam, if you’ll come with me?”
Julie: “Mostly, Amber doesn’t want to leave Tam alone with Jass and T’ainesa, not that she’ll tell him that.”
[Jass explains to his crew what happened with Vita.]
Kyn the GM: “A number of the female crew members go off to take cold showers.”
Julie: “Amber still has moments like that too.”
Pat: “I feel so violated.”
Julie: “You didn’t have sex with a black dragon.”
[The elves and the humans begin retrofitting Jass’ ship.]
Pat: “After one night, the elves have drawn a perfect square and are beginning to contemplate how to lay out the plans. The humans have the equipment and are like, ‘Okay, where do we put it?’”
[There is also the question of food for the journey.]
Julie: “The mages set up hydroponics bays in one of the spare…”
Elven Cleric: *casts spell to create food*
Julie: (as human mage) “Oh, hey, that’s handy!”
[Meanwhile, back with Garrett…]
Sir Tinder: “Are they here yet?”
Julie: “Inside the egg, it’s only been a few days. That means that outside it’s been… twenty minute?”
Sir Tinder: “Are they here yet? Are they here yet? It’s been so long!”
[Few people know what’s actually happened to Nessa… not even Felicity, her co-pilot.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “Is she alive?”
Tam: “Yes, she’s alive.”
Lieutenant Felicity: “Then why isn’t she here?”
Tam: “…It’s complicated.”
[The time you know you’re gonna have some issues…]
Kyn the GM: “Felicity volunteers to be on the mission to the astral plane.”
Tony: “…That’s your problem to figure out.”
[Felicity is trying to get anyone to help her. Anyone at all.]
Amber: “I’m sorry, Felicity, I can’t grant your request.”
Julie: “It’s okay, Amber has a reputation as a cold-hearted bitch anyway. Why change now?”
[Felicity seeks answers from the source.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “Is she dead?”
Jass: “No. She’s not dead. Technically.”
Lieutenant Felicity: “Technically’?”
[Jass transforms into Nessa so that they might speak. Sadly, you’ll recall that all of Felicity’s interactions with Nessa have actually been with Jass, posing as Nessa, so the real Nessa doesn’t remember her co-pilot at all.]
Lieutenant Felicity: “I loved you!”
Julie: “Welcome to the club.”
[Felicity takes her own life, sending shock waves through the fleet. Tam is particularly shaken. Amber agrees to investigate.]
Tam: “Can you find out what happened? And keep me posted?”
Pat: “You know him well enough that you know you should absolutely not tell him anything.”
[Amber figures out that Felicity has talked to Jass. She follows up.]
Crewmate: “Captain, another human to see you.”
Jass: “Who is it?”
Crewmate: “The one you did not sleep with… when you were you.”
[Jass apologizes. Again.]
Jass: “I’m sorry. I can only say that so often.”
[Just as Amber’s leaving, Jass asks the obvious question.]
Jass: “Is she all right?”
Amber: “No.”
[This pretty much sums up the entire campaign for the last few sessions.]
Tony: “Jass goes to the funeral if he’s allowed.”
Pat: “Would you just take this dagger out of my back?”
Tony: “Sure, I picked it out of the twenty billion in mine.”
Kyn the GM: “You guys are so horrible. I love it.”
[Amber plans to speak to Tam.]
Julie: “She’s trying to decide how much to tell him.”
Pat: “Lie! For the love of God, lie!”
[Amber breaks absolutely no news to Tam.]
Amber: “I don’t know. Divinations don’t work on the dead.”
High Magus Ivan of Necromancy: *steps out of the shadows* “You know what does work? Necromancy.”
Julie: “This is Amber’s poker face with zero bluff.”
[High Magus Ivan informs Tam that Felicity spoke to Jass shortly before she died.]
Kyn the GM: “I rolled to see how much of an asshole he is. I rolled 92% asshole.”
[Ivan just likes driving in the knife deeper.]
High Magus Ivan: *patting Tam’s back, but staring directly at Amber* “It’s a shame when you trust someone and they betray your trust.”
Julie: “The funny thing is that he trusted Amber in the first place.”
[Amber reflects on High Magus Ivan.]
Julie: “I knew I didn’t like him for a reason… completely aside from the fact that he wanted to kill tens of thousands of elves.”
[Tam is not pleased at what he found out about Jass and Felicity.]
Tam: “He’s got a year. Once I’m out of the military, I’m killing him.”
Julie: (as Amber) “…Well, I’ve got a year before I need to solve that problem.”
Join us Friday for the grand finale! Or at least, the grand cliffhanger! I have a feeling it’s gonna be a doozie…
