URDR - Multiverse Defense

[eveglass]

This week, Our Heroes (tm) found themselves stranded without magic, technology, or equipment. On the other hand, they did have quite a lot of enemies to kill, and that's gotta count for something.


[Robert missed the last two sessions because of his new baby. This time, however, he was able to make it. The question is, how to bring his character back?]
Eric the GM: "Axcevent will be easy to reintroduce."
Julie: "He just happens to be wherever we wind up."
Eric the GM: "Something like that."

[Bubeh Yachneh has been apparently trying to do some sort of divination magic. It doesn't go well.]
Eric the GM: "She throws the chicken bones on the ground and stomps on them. It looks more like a temper tantrum as opposed to a spell-casting."

[The good news is that Bubeh Yachneh knows where the other two members of The Three are. The bad news is she can't get there. She can, however, tell Yalia where to find them. For certain values of 'tell.']
Eric the GM: "Has your character ever experienced the feeling of having an encyclopedia shoved up her nose?"

[Before we go, though, it's time to bring Axcevent back!]
Eric the GM: "She reaches her hand into Yalia's head. It feels close and squiggly. And when she pulls her hand back... Robert, this is something your character may have experienced before."

[Yes, Bubeh Yachneh pulls Axcevent out of Yalia's head.]
Stuart: "Give me a week of downtime and I'm totally gonna learn how to do that."

[Ah, the joys of simple NPCs...]
Eric the GM: "Vek'n is still with us, by the way."
Vek'n of Plaugg: "Welcome back!"
Axcevent: "It's good to see you. It's..."
Sabina: "A fair-to-middling experience."

[More of the same.]
Axcevent: "You're a comforting presence. Familiar."
Vek'n of Plaugg: "I remember you too!"

[Before we leave for the universe with the other two members of The Three, Anton Dregari does some magic.]
Anton Dregari: *hands everyone a blue skittle*
Axcevent: "Do I eat it?"
Anton Dregari: "Not before I tell you. You do not want to eat that early."
Eric the GM: "Sympathetic magic can be scary."

[We cross into the new universe. It feels as though we're passing through some kind of barrier. And when we arrive, we're all fatigued. Some of us worse than others.]
Eric the GM: (to Robert) "You feel like your eyes are on fire. Differently than usual."

[It rapidly becomes apparently to us that neither magic nor technology work in this universe, nor do most of our innate powers.]
Anton Dregari: "The inability to blow things up is vaguely disquieting."

[Walking through the desert where we have landed, we come across a camp of Nidhogg soldiers.]
Eric the GM: "You see a latrine, or possibly a TARDIS, in one corner."

[We try to figure out what to do about the camp of soldiers.]
Anton Dregari: (to Axcevent) "What are the chances you could sneak in, find a lone sentry, stab him to death, take his rifle, bring it back, and do it again until we're all armed?"
Axcevent: "...It started off good."

[We return to the river where we arrived. There are footprints and also hoofprints of about 20 horses.]
Stuart: "For all we know, one of the witches has hooves."
Sabina: "Or is riding a hose."
Stuart: "Well, that's the obvious explanation."

[We hear horses approaching but don't want to be found by them just yet.]
Eric the GM: "Roll hide."
Stuart: *botches* "Probably, based on my instincts, I'm focused on making myself invisible."

[None of us roll terribly well on our hide checks.]
Eric the GM: "Normally you'd be much better at this."
Sabina: "Normally I'd be a bush."
Eric the GM: "That would give you bonuses on your hide check."

[It turns out the horses are being ridden by some sort of Native American analogue.]
Eric the GM: "Do any of you... Yes, I remember Julie telling me she carried beads for just this eventuality."
Julie: "It's in the extradimensional pocket of my bag that I can't get to right now."
Eric the GM: "Still, I commend you on your planning."

[After some pantomiming, we get the scouts to lead us back to their village, where we play pictionary with their leader Ithachan in an attempt to get him to tell us where the witches are.]
Eric the GM: "You're getting the feeling you're getting your message across, even if he isn't."

[That evening, the natives set up a tent for us, and the scouts grudgingly give us two of their rabbits.]
Robert: "Do I know how to skin a rabbit?" *rolls 17*
Eric the GM: "In a number of dreams, you've skinned and gutted other life forms. Your background to now has well prepared you for these sorts of skills."

[Remember that you can aid another on spot checks. Even if the aid is sometimes ridiculous.]
Anton Dregari: "Axcevent, I know it's difficult, but with actual eyeballs you need to remember to move them."
Axcevent: "This is your aid?"

[We find out that the two witches are probably in a forest about a three-hour walk away.]
Yalia: "What I wouldn't give for a teleport."
Anton Dregari: "What I wouldn't give for a hovercraft with laser-guided weapons. ...Ooh, new spell: summon hovercraft!"

[The scout takes us to a clearing in the forest. He is obviously uncomfortable.]
Eric the GM: "In a sign of endless optimism, he tries saying something that none of you understand."

[We tell the scout he can leave. He is quite relieved.]
Eric the GM: "That would be a hilarious way for the campaign to end: lost in the woods."

[There is a wooden 'castle' in the clearing. We knock on the front door. A woman answers.]
Woman: "Who are you?"
Anton Dregari: "...I think we work for you."

[The woman is in fact one of the Three, Kayla Ash. She invites us to have tea with her.]
Eric the GM: "Someone's put more enthusiasm than skill into the construction of this table."

[After some tea, we get down to serious conversation.]
Kayla Ash: "Why have you come looking for us?"
Anton Dregari: "There's the naive reason and the more realistic reason."

[Kayla is aware of what happened to URDR headquarters.]
Kayla Ash: "It's over. We've lost."
Fox: "So what are you planning on doing?"
Kayla Ash: "Hide?"

[Not everyone has given up, of course.]
Fox: "Bubeh Yachneh said to meet at the tree."
Kayla Ash: "Of course she would say that. She probably has visions of getting back together, crushing our enemies, and drinking the marrow from their bones."
Anton Dregari: "I have those same visions, including the marrow part."

[Anton Dregari is not willing to give up on URDR yet.]
Anton Dregari: "God damn it, I spent ten years contributing to the pension fund!"

[Anton is also not willing to resign himself to staying on this plane forever.]
Anton Dregari: "I have students waiting for me who need my help."
Yalia: "They really do."

[We offer our services to the two witches. Because really, who else is going to?]
Anton Dregari: "I know, it's terrifying that we're the best URDR has to offer. But our success rate has been moderately good so far."

[Reluctantly, Kayla calls down the last member of The Three, Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde.]
Eric the GM: "A young woman dressed in one of the most ridiculous outfits you've ever seen comes down the stairs."
Kayla Ash: "She's been a teenager for over 3000 years. She has no conception of irony."

[Lilith is... excitable.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "You know how to get off the planet?"
Fox: "We're going to know how to get off the planet."
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "I like you! You're hopeful!"

[Kayla offers us some refreshments.]
Kayla Ash: "What would you like?"
Axcevent: "We have a choice?"
Kayla Ash: "I've been stockpiling this place for a long time, and my preservation spells failed two days ago."

[We get some of the backstory of URDR.]
Fox: "What did you think you were protecting the multiverse from when you started URDR?"
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "Evil!"

[And yet more.]
Anton Dregari: "Are any of the stories about witches eating people true?"
Kayla Ash: "It depends which of us."
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "I'm a vegetarian!"

[More URDR backstory.]
Eric the GM: "Two of the three of them liked the idea of minions."
Julie: "Which one didn't?"
Eric the GM: "Lilith believed in doing things herself."

[We reflect on meeting the members of The Three.]
Anton Dregari: "You're way more fun than Bubeh Yachneh."
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "And less murdery!"
Anton Dregari: "That's also good."

[We prepare to attack the Nidhogg camp. Kayla has a small cache of relatively primitive weapons.]
Stuart: *looking at his sheet* "I can use a sword!"
Sabina: "Things are looking up already!"

[Of course, even attacking the camp, we're not sure what we'd be looking for.]
Anton Dregari: "With luck, there's a big pulsing machine with blinking lights we can just turn off."

[We prepare to head out.]
Anton Dregari: "Does anyone else have the unshakable feeling that this mission is gonna go smoothly? Or is that just Lilith?"

[We arrive at the camp. Things are much as we left them: tents, some cargo containers, a few trucks, etc.]
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "I could make that truck explode."
Axcevent: "How?"
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "With this ball of string and this cigarette lighter."
Anton Dregari: "I like her."

[The operation commences!]
Stuart: "We start sneaking in."
Julie: "This is gonna go horribly wrong."

[Axcevent's ability to 'sweep' an area allows him to notice everything of importance in a glance. Things like the guard towers, the foxhole, and a mouse.]
Stuart: "Is the mouse a threat?"
Eric the GM: "Probably not. You don't think there are any shapeshifters or skiller rabbits on this world."

[Axcevent sneaks toward the foxhole, and botches his roll.]
Eric the GM: "The two guys in the foxhole stand up and start shooting what appears to be laser fire."
Robert: "That is so not fair!"

[Combat ensues.]
Sabina: "How loud or bright is this?"
Eric the GM: "Loud enough and bright enough."

[After the first round of unanticipated combat.]
Julie: "I think this plan just went badly."
Sabina: "When the first roll of the plan is a botch..."
Stuart: "Look, this group is bad at plans but good at improvising."

[Combat continues to ensue.]
Robert: "I take three attacks."
Julie: "You have three attacks."
Robert: "Yup."
Eric the GM: "And you'll need 'em."

[Anton Dregari comes in to the foxhole to back up his colleague.]
Stuart: "I will attack someone other than Axcevent."
Robert: "I approve of that."

[Yalia and Fox, meanwhile, steal a truck. The keys are in the ignition and everything.]
Eric the GM: "They weren't planning on an attack, frankly."
Julie: "Neither were we."

[Yalia is driving the tanker trailer towards the largest tent. She must now decide whether to drive through it or not.]
Yalia: "I'm worried the portal may be in the tent."
Fox: "If a few bullets damage it, it's not a very good portal."
Eric the GM: "I think she's worried about what a truck will do to it."

[The tent is sadly just a mess tent. We think of more options.]
Fox: "Lilith, how long will it take to rig this truck to blow?"
Lilith Silvermoon Moonchilde: "A few seconds. The bigger question is how long will it take to run away?"

[Yalia drives the truck into one of the watchtowers.]
Eric the GM: "Two bodies fly out of the watchtower, don't land nearly as gracefully as Yalia, and... *rolls* ...won't be getting up again."

[Anton and Axcevent have taken out the guys in the foxhole and stolen an armored personnel carrier.]
Eric the GM: "Sabina makes the excellent point that the DCs for drive checks are much lower if you don't care about hitting obstacles."

[Axcevent takes the driver's seat. Anton takes the machine gun.]
Anton Dregari: "Find me targets!"
Eric the GM: "You've already taken care of a few targets when testing the gun."
Anton Dregari: "Find me more targets!"

[Our enemies, meanwhile, are shooting at us. Mostly ineffectively.]
Eric the GM: "At least some of these losers can take pride in the fact that they're shooting someone other than themselves."

[Axcevent drives over a bunch of Nidhogg solders while Anton Dregari shoots more.]
Stuart: "Do you feel guilty about slaughtering enemies?"
Robert: "Imaginary enemies?"
Stuart: "I'm asking in character."
Robert: "...I'm a living nightmare."

[Following immediately from the last set of quotes.]
Anton Dregari: "I can see why no one invited you to the parties back at URDR."
Axcevent: (suddenly enraged) "There were parties?!"

[Meanwhile, Kayla is being helpful in her own way.]
Eric the GM: "The second watchtower falls and you hear triumphant ululation."
Sabina: "Huh. Someone has a really high climb check."
Eric the GM: "Actually, a really sharp sword."

[Lilith is dealing with some of the soldiers as well.][Things you don't want to hear from your GM in the middle of a combat.]
Eric the GM: *rolls* "Finally! ...Nothing you're aware of happens."

[We've taken out most of the soldiers, though we weren't really planning on having to do it.]
Eric the GM: "There were a variety of ways you could have dealt with this."
Julie: "Yes, and most of them involved not botching the first roll."

[Axcevent is still driving through the camp.]
Eric the GM: "Tent. Tent. Speed bump. Tent."
Robert: "That probably wasn't a speed bump, was it?"
Eric the GM: *shrugs*

[Most of the soldiers are dead. But most is not all.]
Eric the GM: "You see two soldiers at the latrine. One is on his hands and knees, doing something."
Julie: "Ah, so it is a TARDIS."

[It turns out the soldier is fiddling with some wires connecting to a big, blinking machine.]
Fox: *shoots the soldier*
Eric the GM: "The soldier lets go of the wires, rolls out of the way, and the lights deactivate."
Yalia: "That's probably a good thing. I think."

[Now that the soldier is dead, we investigate the machine.]
Eric the GM: "You're reasonably certain this is a bomb."
Julie, Robert, and Sabina, in quick succession: "Oh."

[Anton Dregari goes to remove some of the wires from the machine.]
Yalia: "Don't touch things when you don't know what they do! That's my job!"

[We still don't know how to get off-world. Anton Dregari acts on Yalia's hunch that the energy in the suits is what is allowing the soldiers to use magic and tech.]
Anton Dregari: *reaches into soldier's brain* "...This may have been a bad idea."
Eric the GM: (delighted) "It was!"

[We find two caches of a metallic powder buried beneath the camp.]
Julie: "I take some in my hand and try to dimension door."
Eric the GM: "You successfully dimension door. A small amount of the powder disappears."
Yalia: "...I have a plan!"

[Axcevent takes some of the powder as well.]
Eric the GM: "As you watch, his eyeballs melt and run out of his eyes."
Axcevent: "That's so much better!"

[Some people have been worse off than others, admittedly.]
Anton Dregari: "How long have we been here?"
Yalia: "Two days?"
Anton Dregari: (dismayed) "Lord Dregari's been decomposing for two days in the sun."

[We return to our companions and apply some of the powder to Vek'n, who has been a statue since we arrived on-plane. He has no idea any time has passed.]
Eric the GM: "He offers to heal everyone, but the moment he casts a spell, he uses up the last of the powder and freezes up again."
Yalia: "...He had no way of knowing."

[The session ends as we are all able to leave this universe. We discuss some future plans.]
Anton Dregari: "It's time I learned to plane-shift on my own."
Yalia: "No! That's my job!"

[We can also get some new equipment now that we've got a bit of downtime. Yalia intends to take her bag to the Netherhells to get it further enhanced.]
Julie: "If the guys in the Netherhells have any other ideas, I'm open to them."
Eric the GM: "They have many ideas, most of which strike you as bad, bad ideas."


And that's it for this time! Next time, back on the offensive! If we can figure out where to find the people we want to attack, of course. Don't bother us with details!