[personal profile] eveglass
Another story written by Tony, who plays Cap'n Jass. This one's set sometime after last session but before the next. I've done some very light proofreading for readability.


The Burden of Responsibility


It was coming close to Eclipse. Normally, Jass would be in his cabin asleep, but he was standing at the head of his ship, looking out over the empty sky towards the land of Vardin. He turned his head when he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps. Esmeralda was walking up to him. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” her tone was light, but he could see the burden that she was carrying behind her eyes.

“I could say the same for you. Draw the short straw for watch?”

She shook her head, “DAX is on watch, what with never needing to sleep and all.”

Jass rolled his eyes, “Oh, so that’s how you get out of work.” She hit him in the shoulder then stood next to him, looking out to Vardin. “I got to be honest, Esmeralda, I think I bit off much more then I can chew this time.”

She looked at him then, genuine surprise on her face. “Honesty, Jass?” He looked at her and her sarcasm seemed to falter. His face was serious, and his eyes were hard. “I was just joking.” She said quietly.

He snorted and looked back out to Vardin. “I suppose Garret and DAX are rubbing off on me, what with their morals and good deeds.” She looked at him again, and though he seemed to be attempting jest, there was the lack of light heartedness that she’d come to know from her captain. “It’s one thing to have heard the stories, Esmeralda, it’s quite another to be living it. We’ve almost been killed in the past six months more times than I’ve ever thought possible. And that’s coming from me.” He sighed, and leaned against the railing of the ship. “I don’t know if I can do it, to be honest. When we hit the dead zone? I’ve never been so terrified in my life. I’d have faced ten Citadels and thousands of stars instead. At least I could control my ship, pick which beam I wanted to fly into to die.” His face darkened. “This whole getting involved with the Two Faced Lady, I should have thought twice.”

She poked his shoulder, “When do you ever do that?”

He snorted again and he set his hand on the hilt of his rapier. “Esmeralda, sooner or later, Falan, or Vardin, are going to find you. What can I do to stop them? What can you do? They’ll hit us with everything the moment they get wind, and you’ll…” he stopped speaking. He refused to face her.

She reached up to put a hand on his shoulder, “We’ll deal with that when the time comes. You were the one who told me when we first set out that ‘if’s shouldn’t be ruling your life.”

He didn’t budge. In point of fact, he crossed his arms stubbornly. “Have you ever thought about, you know, what you could do? Being Empress?”

It was Esmeralda’s turn to frown. “I have, and my mind hasn’t changed since the day I left Falan, Jass.”

He had the grace to look chagrined. “I’m sorry. I mean, I know it’s a caged life, but, so much possibility to fix what he’s done.”

She raised an eyebrow in the manner in which he knew he was in trouble. “Oh, so you’re an expert on how court works? I can just say whatever, and my council or people have no say? You think I can just change this or that, and it’ll be fine?”

He raised his hands defensively, “I’m sorry, you’re right. I have no idea. I’m sorry.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “It’s just, so much that I’m brushing off, and it’s catching up to me. I feel this weight on my soul, and as much as I try to ignore it, I can’t. I don’t know. Maybe it’s one of those nights.”

She softened and stroked his back. “We all have those, Jass.”

He nodded. “I ran away Esmeralda. From my family, from my responsibilities. My father, he was a merchant. He ran a big business in trades, and he and my mother were talking about how I was going to marry so-and-so’s daughter so that we could form a strong economy. My whole future was planned out; I had no say in it. When I was in Falan, I was on my last week of my mandatory service in Thalabon’s army, and I ran. I ran away. I didn’t want to go back. I’d found my freedom out here.” He waved his hands towards the sky. “And I didn’t want that taken from me.”

Esmeralda was quiet. She leaned her head on his shoulder and slipped an arm around his waist. “Believe it or not, I know, quite literally, how you feel.”

Jass didn’t say anything. He just enjoyed her embrace. He felt some of the heavy cloud on him drift off. He loved Esmeralda. Not true love, but she was the closest, most stable thing he’d ever had in his life. Her and Bast. He loved him too, but not in the way he wanted him to, and he knew that Esmeralda and him were the closest that friends could be, quite literally in some cases, but it was more than sexual or intimate; there were bonds between the three of them, and he could feel those same bonds ever so slowly beginning to tie themselves to Sela, to Garret, DAX, and Artemis. As much as he tried to think of it as business, the thought of finally dropping Garret off and parting ways, he felt a knife in his heart. It was a rare thing, and he’d never admit it out loud, but he cherished it.

He returned Esmeralda’s embrace. “Thanks, Essie, for being there.”

She smiled. “You’re my captain. We need you to fly the ship.”

He smiled and chuckled. “Ever the honest one. Go do some work, why don’t you? Instead of making poor DAX do everything.”

She smirked and gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled herself away from him. He almost protested, but let her go; the night started out black and bleak, but the right words and the right gestures, turned it into the dawn of a better day.

March 2018

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