The (new) D&D game with no name!

[eveglass]

Further adventures in the Bound Wildwood. This week, Our Heroes (tm) discover that politics move surprisingly quickly in a region where there aren't any people.


[We reflect on the fact that we are already level 4, after two and a half weeks of game-time.]
Shawn: "We have been learning quite rapidly."
Eric: "Pain will do that."

[The session begins. Some of us have priorities.]
Shawn: "Do we get to the murdering?"
Julie: "You just had some murdering!"
Shawn: "That was last week!"

[On the map taken from the blind elven bandits is an area marked 'redwood.']
Adam the GM: "A redwood is a unique type of fey known for granting wishes."
Robert: "Ooh! That never goes badly!"
Eric: "A fey granting wishes? I see no way in which that could go wrong."

[A plan is hatched.]
Aarevan: "To the redwood!"
Kastin: "Are we not going to bring back the dog and Sir Aloysius?"
Aarevan: "To the redwood... eventually!"

[We can't reach Riverbend Fort in one day, and must camp for the night. Astonishingly, nothing happens.]
Sabina: "A full night of rest? That never happens!"

[It turns out that Riverbend Fort has changed hands in the last few days and is now flying the flag of the pro-human nation of Thenton.]
Adam the GM: "Kastin looks mostly human."
Julie: "Sure, if you don't know what a human looks like and don't look too close."

[Our previous charter to explore the woods was with the nation of Engova, which has been on-and-off at war with Thenton for a very long time.]
Liriel: "I say we should identify the success factor for today: go in, get supplies, don't get stabbed, and don't stab anyone."
Atraxian: "It all depends on how you define success."

[We have no idea how the Thenton contingent will treat us, since none of us are human and we hold a charter from their sometime enemy. Still, we need to make a decision.]
Julie: "Are we going to the newly-Thentonized fort?"
Eric: "Yes! And you're in the lead!"

[Atraxian binds himself up in rags and pretends to be a leper, so as not to reveal that he's a lizardoid race no one's ever seen before.]
Atraxian: *starts coughing*
Aarevan: "Psst! Lepers don't cough!"
Atraxian: "I don't know how to fake pieces of myself falling off."

[The guards at the gate are courteous but firm.]
Gate Guard: "You may enter, but you must leave your weapons at the gate."
Shawn: "I cut off my hands."

[The man in charge, a Silver Clad named Sir Garland, seems to know a remarkable amount about most of our races, even though he himself is human.]
Sir Garland: "I imagine, as a goblin, you're from Tylweth Teg."
Sionach: "I was!"
Sir Garland: "...Were?"
Sionach: "I'm not there now!"

[Sir Garland gets a look at Atraxian, still pretending to be a leper.]
Sir Garland: "Is he diseased? Should I remove the disease?"
Shawn: "It depends on how high level you need to be to cure mental illness."

[Atraxian reveals himself. Sir Garland assumes he's a lizardfolk, because no one has ever seen anyone of Atraxian's race before.]
Sir Garland: "You've traveled far from your tribe in the swamp!"
Atraxian: "...Sure, we'll go with that."

[We inform Sir Garland about the green dragon that we encountered a few days ago.]
Aarevan: "No one saw it."
Sionach: "I saw it."
Aarevan: "I thought you just said you saw something moving."
Sionach: "I did. The dragon was moving."

[We also tell Sir Garland about yesterday's encounter, with the bandits that we killed.]
Kastin: "We encountered four bandits whose eyes had been burnt out, but they were not yet dead."
Sionach: "...Then we wished them well and sent them on their way!"

[There is a smith in the fort now, so Kastin and Sionach go to get their weapons repaired.]
Sionach: "You also need to fix my dogslicer."
Smith: "..."
Sionach: "Pointy-stabby thing."
Smith: "You've just described 75% of the weapons here."

[Because their weapons won't be ready until tomorrow, the party spends the night at the fort. Kastin takes the opportunity to play some Siege, this world's equivalent of chess.]
Kastin: "Goblins can only go forward and back."
Sionach: "You're wrong!" *jumps on table and scatters the pieces*

[This didn't actually happen, but would have been hilarious if it did.]
Atraxian: "Sionach, did you spend all the money for food on funny hats?"
Sionach: "No..."
Atraxian: "Sionach?"
Sionach: (chagrined) "Yes."

[One of the soldiers tells Aarevan about a creature they're supposed to be looking for. Sadly, Aarevan botches his roll to identify what it is.]
Eric: (deadpan) "Oh, they're here for anteaters. That sounds harmless. I'm sure they won't be eaten by the things they're trying to capture."

[The creature turns out to be a disenchanter, a creature that eats the magic out of magical items. The viceroy of the Thenton town of Lochwell wants it for his new arena.]
Shawn: "How intelligent is it?"
Eric: "More intelligent than the person who thinks keeping one of these is a good idea."

[Sir Garland asks if we'd help them capture disenchanters.]
Atraxian: "Is there any... compensation for this?"
Sir Garland: "Of course! We wouldn't ask you to do something so dangerous without compensation."
Atraxian: "You'd be surprised."

[We brainstorm ideas for capturing disenchanters.]
Shawn: "First, we try to get a male disenchanter. Robert, dress up as a female disenchanter."
Adam the GM: "Andrew's not here."
Shawn: "That's a good point."

[Sir Garland also asks if we could help them kill the creature that burned the eyes out of all the people previously living in the fort.]
Kastin: "Quite frankly, I'd rather not meet the thing that killed the people who were here before you."
Aarevan: "But if we do meet it, we'll do our best to kill it!"
Kastin: "Indeed."

[We leave the fort and need to figure out which way to go.]
Atraxian: "We know where the eye-burning thing is."
Liriel: "And we know where the wish-granting fey is."
Sionach: "And we know where a dragon is."
Aarevan: "Are we just listing the things we know now?"
Sionach: "I thought we were playing a game."

[We decide to go west, towards the redwood.]
Sabina: "The way we're going is the opposite direction from the green dragon. This does not seem to be an undesirable plan."

[Aarevan hears some voices speaking elven.]
Atraxian: "I say we ambush them and kill them."
Kastin: "That seems to be your solution to most things."
Atraxian: "Most times, I ignore the ambush and go straight to the killing."

[We need to decide what to do about the still-distant elves.]
Julie: "Should we draw weapons?"
Eric: "I shout in elven, 'Hell, out there!'"
Julie: "I draw my weapons."

[Atraxian tries to get the elves to go away.]
Aarevan: "Get you gone before I report you to the Stag Lord!"
Adam the GM: "Bluff check."
Eric: "...Bluff check? Are you sure you don't mean diplomacy check? Philosophically, what is a lie?"

[A red-clad elf walks out of the woods eating an apple.]
Elf: "Your elven needs work."
Aarevan: "...That's fair. But it's pretty good for my third language."

[Aarevan's not fooling anyone.]
Efl: "Your friends are very loud."
Aarevan: "They're not elves."
Elf: (sardonically) "We know."

[Aarevan's bluff of reporting the elves to the Stag Lord failed, in large part, because these elves do not serve the Stag Lord.]
Elf: "Not every elf serves the Stag Lord."
Aarevan: "Every elf I've ever met. I'm personally relieved not every elf serves the Stag Lord. It makes me think the world is a better place."

[So far, the conversation with the elf has been only in elven, which Aarevan speaks but none of the rest of us do.]
Aarevan: "Do you speak common?"
Elf: "Yes."
Aarevan: "Can we switch to that?"
Elf: "No."

[The elf accuses us of having brought the creature who burns out people's eyes.]
Aarevan: "We didn't bring the creature. We wouldn't have the foggiest idea of how to do that."
Elf: "Is that not the first thing a person who brought the creature would say?"
Aarevan: "I imagine the first thing such a person would say would be something diabolical, followed by maniacal laughing."

[Combat inevitably ensues.]
Shawn: "Sionach gets a surprise round, which I assume will involve fire."

[The fight is joined with the elf's three more-heavily-armored friends, who happened to have been nearby.]
Adam the GM: "One of the elves comes up and touches Kastin."
Eric: "Bad enough they're trying to kill us; now they're just being inappropriate!"

[Sionach's surprise round does, indeed, involve setting someone on fire.]
Robert: "The elf is still on fire."
Adam the GM: "Is it a full-round action to put yourself out?"
Robert: "Yes."
Eric: "You have to stop, drop, and roll."

[The fight continues, but it's clear that there's some sort of enchantment magic going on, and also that the main elf seems to be absorbing some of the damage dealt to his companions, who continue to fight long after they should be dead.]
Sabina: "Are we sure they're elves?"
Eric: "They look like elves."
Julie: "But we have to be prepared that anything we meet in this forest is a fey."

[Atraxian cast color spray on one of the elves, blinding him.]
Adam the GM: "He's rolling on the ground."
Shawn: (as elf) "My eyes! My beautiful eyes!"
Robert: "He was already rolling on the ground from being on fire."
Shawn: (as elf) "My eyes! My beautiful eyes and skin!"

[Sionach throws another bomb.]
Robert: "He takes 8 damage... and he's on fire."
Sabina: "It's always funnier when you add that addendum."

[The fight continues.]
Shawn: "I throw a mind blade. I botch."
Julie: "Be more useful!"

[Sadly, the elf Kastin is fighting has some sort of enchantment whereby you must roll a will save to hit him. Kastin fails to do so.]
Julie: "I'm useless too!"
Shawn: "Useless twin powers, activate! Form of... botched roll!"

[The color spray, in addition to blinding the elf, also caused him to drop everything he was holding.]
Adam the GM: "He spends the round looking for his sword."
Julie: "Good job on the color spray!"
Shawn: "It's actually a useful magical item! Who knew!"

[The combat is still not over when the game ends at 10:30, though Kastin was down to 6 hit points and Aarevan got knocked down so hard he was dying.]
Julie: "I really wish Biere was here -- I could use my tank right now."


And that's it for this week. Next week: more combat! Yay!