URDR - Multiverse Defense
Mar. 10th, 2013 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassWhen Our Interdimensional Heroes (tm) are given the order from on high to "kill the green worm," you know things are about to get very strange, very fast. And it doesn't help that everything is in black and white.
[Our Heroes (tm) are called in for a last-minute briefing by their handler, Lena Cereghetti.]
Lena Cereghetti: "We have a mission for you, and this one comes right form the top."
Axcevent: "Don't they all?"
Lena Cereghetti: "...There are different levels of 'top'."
[The orders are a single scrawled sentence on a piece of parchment, 'Kill the Green Worm.']
Axcevent: "Are we sure the person at the top isn't a 7-year-old?"
[In addition to the scrawled sentence are the coordinates for Universe 1123 and a bar called The Lair. Moreover, we're told that our team has been specifically chosen for this mission.]
Anton Dragari: "The chance to get some attention is never a bad thing."
Eric the GM: "The look on Lena's face says, 'That depends from who.'"
[We make preparations to go to Universe 1123.]
Stuart: "Before we leave, I'll find one of my followers and grab a snack."
Robert: "You say that so casually."
[Given that we were missing two agents, including our usual healer, Lord Dragari requisitions a medic, whose name is Dr. Bernice Collier.]
Julie: "Has she been briefed on the minimal information we have?"
Eric the GM: "She looks worried enough that you suspect she knows."
[As part of our preparations, everyone dons period-appropriate clothes for 1920s Chicago, and Yalia dyes her hair to a more natural color from its previous bright pink.]
Eric the GM: "The world is in black and white."
Julie: "So the pink hair wouldn't have been a problem, huh?"
[We reflect on the fact that everything is in black and white.]
Anton Dragari: "It's a good look for you."
Axcevent: "What, bland?"
Anton Dragari: "Grey."
[The Lair is directly across the street from our ingress point. Recall that Yalia is still only about 15 years old.]
Anton Dragari: "Will they let you in?"
Yalia: "I'm wearing my grown-up clothes."
[The Lair is some sort of 1920s speakeasy. We approach the bar.]
Eric the GM: "The bartender gives you a winning smile that does not look in any way real."
[We go off to attempt to gather some information. Lord Dragari focuses in on a woman sitting by herself.]
Stuart: "I sit down next to the woman."
Eric the GM: "She greets you, and breathes smoke in your direction."
Stuart: "I don't breathe, so that's fine."
[The woman's name is Theresa, and there may be a bit of a miscommunication about what exactly Dragari is there for.]
Anton Dragari: "Maybe you could help me out."
Theresa: (suggestively) "I'm sure we can think of something."
[Lord Dragari cuts to the chase.]
Anton Dragari: "Does the term 'Green Worm' mean anything to you?"
Theresa: *drops her glass* "How stupid are you?"
Anton Dragari: "Quite."
[Axcevent, meanwhile, is trying to bribe the bartender for the same information.]
Eric the GM: "Your money disappears in no time at all. This is a man who knows how to palm a wad of cash."
[The bartender nods over to one corner of the bar and then leaves.]
Eric the GM: "If Plato had ever described the prototypical shadowed alcove, this would be it."
[Meanwhile, a man from a different corner of the bar has bought Yalia a drink. She goes over to speak with him.]
Bar Patron: "Edgar Ingham, private eye."
Yalia: "And what would a private eye be doing in a place like this?"
Robert: "It seems like a perfectly reasonable place for him to be doing business."
Julie: "True, but if we're doing this properly, we need to do this properly."
[Edgar Ingham is also investigating the Green Worm, who turns out to be some sort of local mob boss. One of the women in the shadowed corner, Mary Hill, is apparently working for him.]
Yalia: "Can I ask who you're working for?"
Edgar Ingham: "You can ask."
Yalia: "You're not gonna answer, are you?"
Edgar Ingham: "Not unless you can do a lot better than $20 a day."
Yalia: "...I'm not that curious."
Edgar Ingham: "Wise lady."
[Yalia returns to her companions and passes on the information she gained from Edgar Ingham.]
Axcevent: "Did you do anything I wouldn't do?"
Yalia: "I kissed him on the cheek."
Axcevent: "I might have done that."
[We go outside and 'commandeer' a car. i.e. We hotwire it. Talk turns to other odd skills that people have, and it turns out Yalia knows how to pilot a mecha.]
Eric the GM: "If you need to use mecha pilot in today's session, we've gone way off script. But not necessarily in a bad way."
[Of course, what with the world being black and white, it's hard to tell time. Lord Dragari asks a local newspaper boy.]
Anton Dragari: "Kid, what time is it?"
Eric the GM: "I'm trying to find a way to work in the phrase, 'It's Christmas!'"
[Yalia starts to hotwire the car.]
Axcevent: (singing) "The grey wire's connected to the grey wire. The grey wire's connected to the... grey wire."
[While waiting for the bar to close, we discuss the possibility that there is more to the 'Green Worm' mob boss than might normally be found in a universe like this, given that URDR is interested in him.]
Anton Dragari: "We have to always be prepared for a beholder in a box."
Yalia: "I hate those."
Anton Dragari: "Or necrons in a box."
Axcevent: "Y'know, a month ago, I wouldn't have said this, but... I hate those."
[The car does not have seatbelts. Thankfully, Lord Dragari has damage reduction if we crash.]
Stuart: "So long as the car's not a +2 car, I should be okay."
Eric: "And so long as you don't land on a werewolf claw or something."
[We trail Mary Hill's friends as they leave The Lair. They drop off the other woman at an apartment building and leave. We break-and-enter into her apartment and Lord Dragari grabs her mouth so that she won't scream.]
Eric the GM: "Make a grapple check. Low difficulty, but you could screw up. She certainly did."
[Axcevent, meanwhile, has gone up the fire escape to ensure the woman doesn't leave that way. Yalia lets him in.]
Eric the GM: "A ghostly grey face stares in from the window."
Yalia: "You're creepy when you do that!"
Axcevent: "Thank you."
[Lord Dragari begins the interrogation of Mary Hill's friend Cynthia.]
Anton Dragari: "If you don't scream, you deal with me. If you scream, you deal with my friend. He's not as nice as me."
Robert: "I wave. And pour myself some coffee grounds."
[Axcevent passes out coffee cups to everyone.]
Robert: "Wait a minute, I've just given her a weapon."
Stuart: "If she hits one of us with coffee, we'll destroy her."
[Cynthia seems to know nothing of use. Most of us realize that. Axcevent botches his sense motive roll.]
Robert: "I decide to choose beforehand what I choose to believe."
[We finish the interrogation, stun Cynthia, and tie her up.]
Stuart: "We take note of her number so we can call the police later and make sure she's okay. We're conscientious hackers."
[We return to The Lair. Lord Dragari once more forces the door open.]
Stuart: "This is my main contribution to the group."
Eric the GM: "And shooting helpless women."
Stuart: "Shooting her in this case was the courteous option."
[We descend into the basement of The Lair, where Anton Dragari finds one of the bouncers in bed, asleep. He wakes him and holds his mouth, beginning a yes-or-no interrogation.]
Anton Dragari: "You've probably been on the other side of this, once or twice?"
Bouncer: *nods*
Anton Dragari: "Good. Always nice to deal with a professional."
[Lord Dragari continues questioning the bouncer.]
Anton Dragari: "I'd rather not kill you."
Bouncer: *nods*
Anton Dragari: "I assume you'd rather I not kill you."
Bouncer: *nods*
[Lord Dragari gets the information we need, i.e. that Mary Hill has taken another corridor into the tunnel system below Chicago. Now we need to decide what to do with him.]
Anton Dragari: "If I let you live, what are the odds you report this conversation?"
Bouncer: "That depends on whether my boss is dead."
[Lord Dragari decides to leave the bouncer alone, on his word that he won't interfere. Axcevent has other ideas.]
Axcevent: "We changed our minds. We're tying you up."
Bouncer: *shoots him*
[We are forced to kill the bouncer in a brief but extremely deadly firefight, as guns do much more damage in this universe for reasons no one has ever been able to properly explain.]
Stuart: "This is the problem with trying to be courteous to these people and let them live. I should stop doing that."
[The bouncer is dead. Which means there's an opportunity for our resident vampire lord.]
Stuart: "I discreetly grab a snack. Waste not, want not."
[Reflecting on the possibly-pointless death of the bouncer.]
Stuart: "I think he would have been fine if we just left him."
Eric the GM: "You'll never know."
[We prepare to enter the tunnel system. The entrance door is very solid, very heavy, and very locked.]
Anton Dragari: "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Yalia: (deadpan) "You don't say."
[We eventually get through the door using the expedient of shooting the lock.]
Anton Dragari: "Axcevent, you wanna take point? You're more observant than me. ...No, what's the word? Not observant. Expendable."
[We think about how else we might have gotten through the door.]
Stuart: "Someone should get a lightsaber."
[Axcevent and Lord Dragari go first. Yalia and Dr. Collier are in the back.]
Stuart: "I don't want to get the doctor killed."
Julie: "They wouldn't let us requisition any more."
[In the room just beyond the solid door is a very small, bare room with a door at the far end. Also, as Axcevent discovers, some spike traps.]
Axcevent: *steps on trap and 'bleeds' smoke* "Don't step there."
Anton Dragari: *sniffs* "You really don't have blood!"
[We open the door at the far end of the room.]
Eric the GM: "Good news: you're definitely in a tunnel system. Bad news: it's not a storm drain."
Stuart: "There are times where Scent is not an asset."
[Just inside the entrance are two guards, one of whom looks bored and the other of whom looks asleep.]
Yalia: "We could stun them."
Anton Dragari: "Stunning is for innocent people."
[Axcevent manages to shoot the sleeping guy without any problem. Lord Dragari misses the other one, who promptly returns fire.]
Eric the GM: "Low-powered guns in this world do 6d6 damage. You've just been hit by a fireball."
[Anton Dragari is not happy about being shot.]
Stuart: "He does not die gently."
[We go through the sewer system a bit longer, take out a few more guards, and find a side-room housing three goons taking cover behind various tables and things. We think about how we want to deal with it.]
Anton Dragari: "Wait a second... thermal detonator!"
Yalia: "Will that level of technology work on this world?"
Anton Dragari: "Let's find out!"
[It works.]
Robert: "Whatever kind of sandwich he was eating, it's now toasted."
Eric the GM: "More like barbecued."
[We get into more firefights. Axcevent is shot.]
Eric the GM: "The bullet goes right through your shoulder. If you had bones, it would be a problem."
[Our healer is starting to run out of cure spells.]
Dr. Bernice Collier: "Stop getting shot!"
Axcevent: (dryly) "Thank you for the advice."
[We come to a long corridor without any cover. Lord Dragari contemplates using some wooden crates as cover, putting them over our heads in traditional cartoon style.]
Stuart: "Admittedly, this is probably a bad idea."
Eric the GM: "You left 'bad idea' three blocks ago You have renamed the proverbial 'fish in a barrel' to 'vampire in a crate.'"
[We contemplate how to get down the hallway. The good news is we just found a whole box of grenades.]
Anton Dragari: "On the count of 'throw'..."
[Stuart wants to throw an extra grenade that'll explode just before we get there. Julie and Robert are skeptical.]
Stuart: "I think you're overestimating the power of these grenades."
Julie: "I think overestimating the power of things that go boom in this universe is not a mistake."
[We throw the grenades and rush to the end of the hallway without getting shot. But the situation is still not ideal.]
Eric the GM: "There are no bodies, mostly because you spent time arguing loudly about who's gonna throw hand grenades."
[There are a number of guards in various alcoves along the next corridor. Axcevent throws a grenade. Well, almost.]
Robert: *rolls* "...This is probably not the best time to botch."
Stuart: "Can you regrow lost limbs?"
Robert: "We're about to find out."
Stuart: "Can the rest of us panic and run away?"
[Thankfully and unexpectedly, the grenade that landed next to Axcevent turned out to be a dud. All because the dice wanted us to live!]
Eric the GM: "You got absurdly unlucky, and then absurdly lucky, so it balances out."
[Lord Dragari shoots some of the remaining men with a tommy gun.]
Eric the GM: "It's a full-round action to shoot and scream. You don't technically have to scream, but stylistically it's the sort of thing people do in this genre."
[Sadly, the grenades we threw before mean that Yalia and Lord Dragari are deafened. We decide, via pantomime, to wait a few minutes and see if their hearing comes back.]
Julie: "Yalia's impressed with herself that she recognizes that tapping your wrist means 'time'."
[At a T-intersection, we find a red X and a green X, pointing to the two branching corridors.]
Yalia: "This worries me because it means there may be a Red Worm."
Axcevent: "But we don't want to kill the Red Worm."
Yalia: "He may want to kill us."
[Opening another door, a can of paint falls on Lord Dragari.]
Eric the GM: "You've never seen phosphorescent grey before..."
[We approach the final corridor. It's long and straight, with many men with guns in defensible positions. There's one guy in the middle with his bare hands raised who says he has been sent by the Green Worm to negotiate with us.]
Axcevent: "Do we try to talk?"
Yalia: *sees many men with guns* "...Yes."
[Lord Dragari is appointed negotiator for the group.]
Anton Dragari: "We don't want to engage in violence, but you did attack us first."
Julie: "That's totally untrue."
[The Green Worm's mook continues the negotiations.]
Anton Dragari: "Go bring your boss our terms. We'll wait. We have the entire evening ahead of us. Running out of hand grenades, though."
Mook: "Glad to hear it!"
[Things devolve, inevitably, into combat. In which there are certain things you just don't want to hear when you're facing many men with super-powered guns.]
Stuart: "Is a 1 always a botch?"
[Thankfully, our guns are also super-powered.]
Eric the GM: "He just watched his friend get sublimated."
Stuart: "Sublimated?"
Eric: "Turned directly from a solid to a gas."
Stuart: "I'm amazed anyone walks around with a weapon in this world."
[We take out the guys at the near end of the hallway, leaving only four at the far end.]
Eric the GM: "Two start walking down the hall."
Robert: "This is not the wisest thing they could do."
Eric the GM: "Nope! They're not hired for their brains."
[The mook, who had taken our terms to the Green Worm, returns to witness that most of his companions are dead.]
Mook: *emerging from double-doors* "Good news! He says he's willing to... Oh."
[There are only two mooks left. Sadly, it's tricky for us to get to them, and they have line-of-fire down the hallway.]
Anton Dragari: "We've killed more than 20 of your colleagues today and we're getting bored. Thrown your guns into the pit and we'll let you live."
[Lord Dragari pretends to be hit crossing the hallway, when in fact he's just getting into a better position to throw a grenade at the last thug.]
Thug: "Not so tough now that you're full of holes, are you? Your friends better leave!"
Axcevent: "But you said once you filled us full of holes, you'd throw your gun into the pit!"
Thug: "I was lying, you idiot!"
[We finally take out the last thug and enter a long corridor filled with very large columns.]
Stuart: "Another corridor?"
Eric the GM: "This one is at least not a corridor of death."
[Eric the GM lied. It turns out there are little dart traps next to every column.]
Stuart: "We're not just leaving the planet when we kill the Worm. We're finding the architect of these tunnels and beating him to a pulp."
[The Green Worm, at the end of the corridor, decides to threaten us.]
Green Worm: "I have this whole area covered with guns, and as soon as one of you starts moving, you're all dead!"
Axcevent: "Silly Green Worm! Guns can't kill people unless you have people to shoot them!"
[There's a single guard watching over the Green Worm and Mary Hill.]
Green Worm: "Hey, Fred, what are you doing letting them get closer? Kill 'em or something!"
Anton Dragari: "Fred, $2000 if you shoot your boss."
*gunshot sounds*
Anton Dragari: "Fred? ...Fred? ...Why'd you shoot Fred?"
Mary Hill: "He was thinking about it."
[Behind the Green Worm and Mary Hill is a wall covered in runes and arcane symbols, talking about 'the wyrm that lies within' and how it must not be set free.]
Stuart: "I get the sense this isn't the Green Worm."
Eric the GM: "He is beyond clueless."
[We realize that we will have to unleash whatever the heck is behind the wall, which may be a green dragon.]
Anton Dragari: "On the bright side, at least whatever comes out probably won't have guns."
[Lord Dragari asks Axcevent to shoot the wall.]
Axcevent: "Why do you want me to do it?"
Anton Dragari: "On the mission report, I'd rather it didn't say I did it. I want to get promoted."
[Axcevent shoots the wall.]
Anton Dragari: "To be fair, I'm amazed you haven't done this by accident yet."
Green Worm: "Are you kidding? Do you know who I am?! I'm--"
Green Dragon: *eats him*
[Yes, friends, there's now a green dragon on the loose. It's a shame Yalia can only transport 3 people as a single-round action. More people take more time.]
Yalia: "Oh, I wish there was one less of us."
Anton Dragari/Stuart: "Give us a second and a bad roll, and there might be."
[The dragon finally knocks out all the support columns and the ceiling collapses in on it. Lord Dragari expresses what we're all thinking.]
Anton Dragari: "I hate this planet."
[We are not content with a simple collapsing ceiling. This is a green dragon we're dealing with.]
Stuart: "I come back with the crate of grenades. The entire crate."
Eric the GM: "Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
[We blow up an entire crate of super-powered grenades.]
Anton Dragari: "Are we sure it's dead?"
Yalia: "I don't know what else we can do to make it more dead."
[We realize there is something we have not investigated.]
Axcevent: "I wonder what's down the corridor with the red Xs."
Yalia: "A red dragon."
Axcevent: "God, I hope not!"
And that's it. Our Heroes (tm) steal some loot and return to URDR headquarters, only a little worse for wear, to find themselves promoted, given better equipment, and told to be ready for the next time. Because no good deed goes unpunished.
[Our Heroes (tm) are called in for a last-minute briefing by their handler, Lena Cereghetti.]
Lena Cereghetti: "We have a mission for you, and this one comes right form the top."
Axcevent: "Don't they all?"
Lena Cereghetti: "...There are different levels of 'top'."
[The orders are a single scrawled sentence on a piece of parchment, 'Kill the Green Worm.']
Axcevent: "Are we sure the person at the top isn't a 7-year-old?"
[In addition to the scrawled sentence are the coordinates for Universe 1123 and a bar called The Lair. Moreover, we're told that our team has been specifically chosen for this mission.]
Anton Dragari: "The chance to get some attention is never a bad thing."
Eric the GM: "The look on Lena's face says, 'That depends from who.'"
[We make preparations to go to Universe 1123.]
Stuart: "Before we leave, I'll find one of my followers and grab a snack."
Robert: "You say that so casually."
[Given that we were missing two agents, including our usual healer, Lord Dragari requisitions a medic, whose name is Dr. Bernice Collier.]
Julie: "Has she been briefed on the minimal information we have?"
Eric the GM: "She looks worried enough that you suspect she knows."
[As part of our preparations, everyone dons period-appropriate clothes for 1920s Chicago, and Yalia dyes her hair to a more natural color from its previous bright pink.]
Eric the GM: "The world is in black and white."
Julie: "So the pink hair wouldn't have been a problem, huh?"
[We reflect on the fact that everything is in black and white.]
Anton Dragari: "It's a good look for you."
Axcevent: "What, bland?"
Anton Dragari: "Grey."
[The Lair is directly across the street from our ingress point. Recall that Yalia is still only about 15 years old.]
Anton Dragari: "Will they let you in?"
Yalia: "I'm wearing my grown-up clothes."
[The Lair is some sort of 1920s speakeasy. We approach the bar.]
Eric the GM: "The bartender gives you a winning smile that does not look in any way real."
[We go off to attempt to gather some information. Lord Dragari focuses in on a woman sitting by herself.]
Stuart: "I sit down next to the woman."
Eric the GM: "She greets you, and breathes smoke in your direction."
Stuart: "I don't breathe, so that's fine."
[The woman's name is Theresa, and there may be a bit of a miscommunication about what exactly Dragari is there for.]
Anton Dragari: "Maybe you could help me out."
Theresa: (suggestively) "I'm sure we can think of something."
[Lord Dragari cuts to the chase.]
Anton Dragari: "Does the term 'Green Worm' mean anything to you?"
Theresa: *drops her glass* "How stupid are you?"
Anton Dragari: "Quite."
[Axcevent, meanwhile, is trying to bribe the bartender for the same information.]
Eric the GM: "Your money disappears in no time at all. This is a man who knows how to palm a wad of cash."
[The bartender nods over to one corner of the bar and then leaves.]
Eric the GM: "If Plato had ever described the prototypical shadowed alcove, this would be it."
[Meanwhile, a man from a different corner of the bar has bought Yalia a drink. She goes over to speak with him.]
Bar Patron: "Edgar Ingham, private eye."
Yalia: "And what would a private eye be doing in a place like this?"
Robert: "It seems like a perfectly reasonable place for him to be doing business."
Julie: "True, but if we're doing this properly, we need to do this properly."
[Edgar Ingham is also investigating the Green Worm, who turns out to be some sort of local mob boss. One of the women in the shadowed corner, Mary Hill, is apparently working for him.]
Yalia: "Can I ask who you're working for?"
Edgar Ingham: "You can ask."
Yalia: "You're not gonna answer, are you?"
Edgar Ingham: "Not unless you can do a lot better than $20 a day."
Yalia: "...I'm not that curious."
Edgar Ingham: "Wise lady."
[Yalia returns to her companions and passes on the information she gained from Edgar Ingham.]
Axcevent: "Did you do anything I wouldn't do?"
Yalia: "I kissed him on the cheek."
Axcevent: "I might have done that."
[We go outside and 'commandeer' a car. i.e. We hotwire it. Talk turns to other odd skills that people have, and it turns out Yalia knows how to pilot a mecha.]
Eric the GM: "If you need to use mecha pilot in today's session, we've gone way off script. But not necessarily in a bad way."
[Of course, what with the world being black and white, it's hard to tell time. Lord Dragari asks a local newspaper boy.]
Anton Dragari: "Kid, what time is it?"
Eric the GM: "I'm trying to find a way to work in the phrase, 'It's Christmas!'"
[Yalia starts to hotwire the car.]
Axcevent: (singing) "The grey wire's connected to the grey wire. The grey wire's connected to the... grey wire."
[While waiting for the bar to close, we discuss the possibility that there is more to the 'Green Worm' mob boss than might normally be found in a universe like this, given that URDR is interested in him.]
Anton Dragari: "We have to always be prepared for a beholder in a box."
Yalia: "I hate those."
Anton Dragari: "Or necrons in a box."
Axcevent: "Y'know, a month ago, I wouldn't have said this, but... I hate those."
[The car does not have seatbelts. Thankfully, Lord Dragari has damage reduction if we crash.]
Stuart: "So long as the car's not a +2 car, I should be okay."
Eric: "And so long as you don't land on a werewolf claw or something."
[We trail Mary Hill's friends as they leave The Lair. They drop off the other woman at an apartment building and leave. We break-and-enter into her apartment and Lord Dragari grabs her mouth so that she won't scream.]
Eric the GM: "Make a grapple check. Low difficulty, but you could screw up. She certainly did."
[Axcevent, meanwhile, has gone up the fire escape to ensure the woman doesn't leave that way. Yalia lets him in.]
Eric the GM: "A ghostly grey face stares in from the window."
Yalia: "You're creepy when you do that!"
Axcevent: "Thank you."
[Lord Dragari begins the interrogation of Mary Hill's friend Cynthia.]
Anton Dragari: "If you don't scream, you deal with me. If you scream, you deal with my friend. He's not as nice as me."
Robert: "I wave. And pour myself some coffee grounds."
[Axcevent passes out coffee cups to everyone.]
Robert: "Wait a minute, I've just given her a weapon."
Stuart: "If she hits one of us with coffee, we'll destroy her."
[Cynthia seems to know nothing of use. Most of us realize that. Axcevent botches his sense motive roll.]
Robert: "I decide to choose beforehand what I choose to believe."
[We finish the interrogation, stun Cynthia, and tie her up.]
Stuart: "We take note of her number so we can call the police later and make sure she's okay. We're conscientious hackers."
[We return to The Lair. Lord Dragari once more forces the door open.]
Stuart: "This is my main contribution to the group."
Eric the GM: "And shooting helpless women."
Stuart: "Shooting her in this case was the courteous option."
[We descend into the basement of The Lair, where Anton Dragari finds one of the bouncers in bed, asleep. He wakes him and holds his mouth, beginning a yes-or-no interrogation.]
Anton Dragari: "You've probably been on the other side of this, once or twice?"
Bouncer: *nods*
Anton Dragari: "Good. Always nice to deal with a professional."
[Lord Dragari continues questioning the bouncer.]
Anton Dragari: "I'd rather not kill you."
Bouncer: *nods*
Anton Dragari: "I assume you'd rather I not kill you."
Bouncer: *nods*
[Lord Dragari gets the information we need, i.e. that Mary Hill has taken another corridor into the tunnel system below Chicago. Now we need to decide what to do with him.]
Anton Dragari: "If I let you live, what are the odds you report this conversation?"
Bouncer: "That depends on whether my boss is dead."
[Lord Dragari decides to leave the bouncer alone, on his word that he won't interfere. Axcevent has other ideas.]
Axcevent: "We changed our minds. We're tying you up."
Bouncer: *shoots him*
[We are forced to kill the bouncer in a brief but extremely deadly firefight, as guns do much more damage in this universe for reasons no one has ever been able to properly explain.]
Stuart: "This is the problem with trying to be courteous to these people and let them live. I should stop doing that."
[The bouncer is dead. Which means there's an opportunity for our resident vampire lord.]
Stuart: "I discreetly grab a snack. Waste not, want not."
[Reflecting on the possibly-pointless death of the bouncer.]
Stuart: "I think he would have been fine if we just left him."
Eric the GM: "You'll never know."
[We prepare to enter the tunnel system. The entrance door is very solid, very heavy, and very locked.]
Anton Dragari: "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Yalia: (deadpan) "You don't say."
[We eventually get through the door using the expedient of shooting the lock.]
Anton Dragari: "Axcevent, you wanna take point? You're more observant than me. ...No, what's the word? Not observant. Expendable."
[We think about how else we might have gotten through the door.]
Stuart: "Someone should get a lightsaber."
[Axcevent and Lord Dragari go first. Yalia and Dr. Collier are in the back.]
Stuart: "I don't want to get the doctor killed."
Julie: "They wouldn't let us requisition any more."
[In the room just beyond the solid door is a very small, bare room with a door at the far end. Also, as Axcevent discovers, some spike traps.]
Axcevent: *steps on trap and 'bleeds' smoke* "Don't step there."
Anton Dragari: *sniffs* "You really don't have blood!"
[We open the door at the far end of the room.]
Eric the GM: "Good news: you're definitely in a tunnel system. Bad news: it's not a storm drain."
Stuart: "There are times where Scent is not an asset."
[Just inside the entrance are two guards, one of whom looks bored and the other of whom looks asleep.]
Yalia: "We could stun them."
Anton Dragari: "Stunning is for innocent people."
[Axcevent manages to shoot the sleeping guy without any problem. Lord Dragari misses the other one, who promptly returns fire.]
Eric the GM: "Low-powered guns in this world do 6d6 damage. You've just been hit by a fireball."
[Anton Dragari is not happy about being shot.]
Stuart: "He does not die gently."
[We go through the sewer system a bit longer, take out a few more guards, and find a side-room housing three goons taking cover behind various tables and things. We think about how we want to deal with it.]
Anton Dragari: "Wait a second... thermal detonator!"
Yalia: "Will that level of technology work on this world?"
Anton Dragari: "Let's find out!"
[It works.]
Robert: "Whatever kind of sandwich he was eating, it's now toasted."
Eric the GM: "More like barbecued."
[We get into more firefights. Axcevent is shot.]
Eric the GM: "The bullet goes right through your shoulder. If you had bones, it would be a problem."
[Our healer is starting to run out of cure spells.]
Dr. Bernice Collier: "Stop getting shot!"
Axcevent: (dryly) "Thank you for the advice."
[We come to a long corridor without any cover. Lord Dragari contemplates using some wooden crates as cover, putting them over our heads in traditional cartoon style.]
Stuart: "Admittedly, this is probably a bad idea."
Eric the GM: "You left 'bad idea' three blocks ago You have renamed the proverbial 'fish in a barrel' to 'vampire in a crate.'"
[We contemplate how to get down the hallway. The good news is we just found a whole box of grenades.]
Anton Dragari: "On the count of 'throw'..."
[Stuart wants to throw an extra grenade that'll explode just before we get there. Julie and Robert are skeptical.]
Stuart: "I think you're overestimating the power of these grenades."
Julie: "I think overestimating the power of things that go boom in this universe is not a mistake."
[We throw the grenades and rush to the end of the hallway without getting shot. But the situation is still not ideal.]
Eric the GM: "There are no bodies, mostly because you spent time arguing loudly about who's gonna throw hand grenades."
[There are a number of guards in various alcoves along the next corridor. Axcevent throws a grenade. Well, almost.]
Robert: *rolls* "...This is probably not the best time to botch."
Stuart: "Can you regrow lost limbs?"
Robert: "We're about to find out."
Stuart: "Can the rest of us panic and run away?"
[Thankfully and unexpectedly, the grenade that landed next to Axcevent turned out to be a dud. All because the dice wanted us to live!]
Eric the GM: "You got absurdly unlucky, and then absurdly lucky, so it balances out."
[Lord Dragari shoots some of the remaining men with a tommy gun.]
Eric the GM: "It's a full-round action to shoot and scream. You don't technically have to scream, but stylistically it's the sort of thing people do in this genre."
[Sadly, the grenades we threw before mean that Yalia and Lord Dragari are deafened. We decide, via pantomime, to wait a few minutes and see if their hearing comes back.]
Julie: "Yalia's impressed with herself that she recognizes that tapping your wrist means 'time'."
[At a T-intersection, we find a red X and a green X, pointing to the two branching corridors.]
Yalia: "This worries me because it means there may be a Red Worm."
Axcevent: "But we don't want to kill the Red Worm."
Yalia: "He may want to kill us."
[Opening another door, a can of paint falls on Lord Dragari.]
Eric the GM: "You've never seen phosphorescent grey before..."
[We approach the final corridor. It's long and straight, with many men with guns in defensible positions. There's one guy in the middle with his bare hands raised who says he has been sent by the Green Worm to negotiate with us.]
Axcevent: "Do we try to talk?"
Yalia: *sees many men with guns* "...Yes."
[Lord Dragari is appointed negotiator for the group.]
Anton Dragari: "We don't want to engage in violence, but you did attack us first."
Julie: "That's totally untrue."
[The Green Worm's mook continues the negotiations.]
Anton Dragari: "Go bring your boss our terms. We'll wait. We have the entire evening ahead of us. Running out of hand grenades, though."
Mook: "Glad to hear it!"
[Things devolve, inevitably, into combat. In which there are certain things you just don't want to hear when you're facing many men with super-powered guns.]
Stuart: "Is a 1 always a botch?"
[Thankfully, our guns are also super-powered.]
Eric the GM: "He just watched his friend get sublimated."
Stuart: "Sublimated?"
Eric: "Turned directly from a solid to a gas."
Stuart: "I'm amazed anyone walks around with a weapon in this world."
[We take out the guys at the near end of the hallway, leaving only four at the far end.]
Eric the GM: "Two start walking down the hall."
Robert: "This is not the wisest thing they could do."
Eric the GM: "Nope! They're not hired for their brains."
[The mook, who had taken our terms to the Green Worm, returns to witness that most of his companions are dead.]
Mook: *emerging from double-doors* "Good news! He says he's willing to... Oh."
[There are only two mooks left. Sadly, it's tricky for us to get to them, and they have line-of-fire down the hallway.]
Anton Dragari: "We've killed more than 20 of your colleagues today and we're getting bored. Thrown your guns into the pit and we'll let you live."
[Lord Dragari pretends to be hit crossing the hallway, when in fact he's just getting into a better position to throw a grenade at the last thug.]
Thug: "Not so tough now that you're full of holes, are you? Your friends better leave!"
Axcevent: "But you said once you filled us full of holes, you'd throw your gun into the pit!"
Thug: "I was lying, you idiot!"
[We finally take out the last thug and enter a long corridor filled with very large columns.]
Stuart: "Another corridor?"
Eric the GM: "This one is at least not a corridor of death."
[Eric the GM lied. It turns out there are little dart traps next to every column.]
Stuart: "We're not just leaving the planet when we kill the Worm. We're finding the architect of these tunnels and beating him to a pulp."
[The Green Worm, at the end of the corridor, decides to threaten us.]
Green Worm: "I have this whole area covered with guns, and as soon as one of you starts moving, you're all dead!"
Axcevent: "Silly Green Worm! Guns can't kill people unless you have people to shoot them!"
[There's a single guard watching over the Green Worm and Mary Hill.]
Green Worm: "Hey, Fred, what are you doing letting them get closer? Kill 'em or something!"
Anton Dragari: "Fred, $2000 if you shoot your boss."
*gunshot sounds*
Anton Dragari: "Fred? ...Fred? ...Why'd you shoot Fred?"
Mary Hill: "He was thinking about it."
[Behind the Green Worm and Mary Hill is a wall covered in runes and arcane symbols, talking about 'the wyrm that lies within' and how it must not be set free.]
Stuart: "I get the sense this isn't the Green Worm."
Eric the GM: "He is beyond clueless."
[We realize that we will have to unleash whatever the heck is behind the wall, which may be a green dragon.]
Anton Dragari: "On the bright side, at least whatever comes out probably won't have guns."
[Lord Dragari asks Axcevent to shoot the wall.]
Axcevent: "Why do you want me to do it?"
Anton Dragari: "On the mission report, I'd rather it didn't say I did it. I want to get promoted."
[Axcevent shoots the wall.]
Anton Dragari: "To be fair, I'm amazed you haven't done this by accident yet."
Green Worm: "Are you kidding? Do you know who I am?! I'm--"
Green Dragon: *eats him*
[Yes, friends, there's now a green dragon on the loose. It's a shame Yalia can only transport 3 people as a single-round action. More people take more time.]
Yalia: "Oh, I wish there was one less of us."
Anton Dragari/Stuart: "Give us a second and a bad roll, and there might be."
[The dragon finally knocks out all the support columns and the ceiling collapses in on it. Lord Dragari expresses what we're all thinking.]
Anton Dragari: "I hate this planet."
[We are not content with a simple collapsing ceiling. This is a green dragon we're dealing with.]
Stuart: "I come back with the crate of grenades. The entire crate."
Eric the GM: "Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
[We blow up an entire crate of super-powered grenades.]
Anton Dragari: "Are we sure it's dead?"
Yalia: "I don't know what else we can do to make it more dead."
[We realize there is something we have not investigated.]
Axcevent: "I wonder what's down the corridor with the red Xs."
Yalia: "A red dragon."
Axcevent: "God, I hope not!"
And that's it. Our Heroes (tm) steal some loot and return to URDR headquarters, only a little worse for wear, to find themselves promoted, given better equipment, and told to be ready for the next time. Because no good deed goes unpunished.
