Some afternoon introspection
Jan. 13th, 2007 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eveglassI was speaking with Marc yesterday, and I considered (as I often have, over the last two months) how different I feel in the "real world" as compared to being a post-secondary student or in the SCA.
Put simply, in both academia (as a student) and in the SCA, I understand the system and know how to work it.
In terms of academia, I've been a student for a long time: 18 years, 7 of which were at the post-secondary level. I understand how to be a student. I know what needs to be done to succeed. I know who to speak to, what work to do, and when the work needs to be done. I know exactly how long it takes me to write a paper of various lengths; I know how long it will take me to read any given article; more importantly, I know whether I actually need to read any given article, or whether I can get by with skimming or skipping it entirely. I know how to approach professors, how to approach other students, and how to speak to both so that I get the results I want.
I've also been in the SCA a long time, and know how to work that system, as well. I know how to manage people at SCA events, how to find needed information, and how to help out. I can run service for feasts and A&S competitions. I can work at gate / troll, set-up, tear-down, and any other number of areas. I can teach effective workshops. More importantly, I know who to talk to when I need help or when other people need help. And, if I don't know who to talk to, I know who does.
At the present moment, off the top of my head, I can think of five peers (ie: people who have been in the SCA for a long time and have high-level awards) whom I would be comfortable asking for favours, even very large favours. They, between them, know just about every important person in the East Kingdom and probably quite a few important people in other kingdoms as well. If I felt the desire to, I could get Important Things (tm) done. Even though I have never actually put this hypothesis to the test, the knowledge that I could do so fills me with a certain confidence I don't have in most other areas of my life (outside academia, anyway).
In short, I know those two areas. I know how to work those systems.
Contrarily, I have no idea how to work the systems I'm currently trying to work, namely cegep teaching. Sure, I have a few contacts at Dawson, and I'll probably be doing a few hours a week at the learning centre there. But my current contacts and my current experiences are not enough to Get Things Done. I simply don't know the system well enough: I don't know who to talk to, or how, or when. I feel intimidated talking to department heads, even though I probably shouldn't. I've been informed by two separate departments that I'm not on their short-list of applicants, but I don't know much I can do that would substantially change my current situation. It's highly frustrating.
Now, I know the counter-argument: "Julie," my hypothetical interlocutor would say to me, "you were in post-secondary education for seven years, and in the SCA for nearly eight. You didn't know what you were doing when you first joined. It's taken you time and effort to gain the knowledge you currently have."
This, as far as it goes, is entirely true. But it doesn't make my present situation any less frustrating, only more understandable.
I have taken to saying lately, "If I were doing a PhD, it would take me 5-6 years. Therefore, if I get a job teaching cegep within the next 5 years, I'm still ahead of the game." This line of thought gives me some sort of comfort.
I've been out of school for eight and a half months. In that time, I've spent three months as a secretary, one month at Pennsic, a month and a half job-hunting, a month doing TESL training, and two months working part-time as an ESL teacher. I've handed in CVs to various cegep departments, spoken to a few people, and attempted to meet with some (though my no means enough) people I think should be my contacts in that field. I feel like I've wasted my time since last May. I'm still intimidated by ESL teaching, and despite 70 hours of teaching experience under my belt, I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing.
All this is to say that I'm feeling very much out of my element. I knew what I was doing when I was a student. I still know what I'm doing in the SCA. In the Real World (tm)? Not so much.
Somehow, this is starting to feel like a well-worn rut of mental reasoning. Stupid brain.
Put simply, in both academia (as a student) and in the SCA, I understand the system and know how to work it.
In terms of academia, I've been a student for a long time: 18 years, 7 of which were at the post-secondary level. I understand how to be a student. I know what needs to be done to succeed. I know who to speak to, what work to do, and when the work needs to be done. I know exactly how long it takes me to write a paper of various lengths; I know how long it will take me to read any given article; more importantly, I know whether I actually need to read any given article, or whether I can get by with skimming or skipping it entirely. I know how to approach professors, how to approach other students, and how to speak to both so that I get the results I want.
I've also been in the SCA a long time, and know how to work that system, as well. I know how to manage people at SCA events, how to find needed information, and how to help out. I can run service for feasts and A&S competitions. I can work at gate / troll, set-up, tear-down, and any other number of areas. I can teach effective workshops. More importantly, I know who to talk to when I need help or when other people need help. And, if I don't know who to talk to, I know who does.
At the present moment, off the top of my head, I can think of five peers (ie: people who have been in the SCA for a long time and have high-level awards) whom I would be comfortable asking for favours, even very large favours. They, between them, know just about every important person in the East Kingdom and probably quite a few important people in other kingdoms as well. If I felt the desire to, I could get Important Things (tm) done. Even though I have never actually put this hypothesis to the test, the knowledge that I could do so fills me with a certain confidence I don't have in most other areas of my life (outside academia, anyway).
In short, I know those two areas. I know how to work those systems.
Contrarily, I have no idea how to work the systems I'm currently trying to work, namely cegep teaching. Sure, I have a few contacts at Dawson, and I'll probably be doing a few hours a week at the learning centre there. But my current contacts and my current experiences are not enough to Get Things Done. I simply don't know the system well enough: I don't know who to talk to, or how, or when. I feel intimidated talking to department heads, even though I probably shouldn't. I've been informed by two separate departments that I'm not on their short-list of applicants, but I don't know much I can do that would substantially change my current situation. It's highly frustrating.
Now, I know the counter-argument: "Julie," my hypothetical interlocutor would say to me, "you were in post-secondary education for seven years, and in the SCA for nearly eight. You didn't know what you were doing when you first joined. It's taken you time and effort to gain the knowledge you currently have."
This, as far as it goes, is entirely true. But it doesn't make my present situation any less frustrating, only more understandable.
I have taken to saying lately, "If I were doing a PhD, it would take me 5-6 years. Therefore, if I get a job teaching cegep within the next 5 years, I'm still ahead of the game." This line of thought gives me some sort of comfort.
I've been out of school for eight and a half months. In that time, I've spent three months as a secretary, one month at Pennsic, a month and a half job-hunting, a month doing TESL training, and two months working part-time as an ESL teacher. I've handed in CVs to various cegep departments, spoken to a few people, and attempted to meet with some (though my no means enough) people I think should be my contacts in that field. I feel like I've wasted my time since last May. I'm still intimidated by ESL teaching, and despite 70 hours of teaching experience under my belt, I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing.
All this is to say that I'm feeling very much out of my element. I knew what I was doing when I was a student. I still know what I'm doing in the SCA. In the Real World (tm)? Not so much.
Somehow, this is starting to feel like a well-worn rut of mental reasoning. Stupid brain.
