Be it resolved that...

I occasionally joke that the internet is my addiction. Usually, I'm only joking. But lately I've been spending a lot of time on my computer doing absolutely nothing, and I don't like this situation.

I'm going to take things in baby-steps, so here's my resolution for today:

Unless I'm writing Daily Breadcrumbs or working on job-hunting, I will use the computer for no more than 5 minutes every hour today, and one hour this evening.

And now, my time's up. Gotta go!

Exercise = Endorphins

I hit a low today. Sometime this afternoon, I got completely overwhelmed with the class I'm supposed to start teaching tomorrow. I'd planned my lesson, but I wasn't sure if I had enough material. I didn't know if I'd be able to present it properly, to hold the attention of my students, or to teach well. The more I thought about it, the more distraught I became. It all culminated with me, sitting on the steps at De l'Eglise metro, my body shuddering with tears. I knew I should go to karate, the ostentible reason I was at De l'Eglise in the first place, but I just couldn't move.

I am forever grateful to Liz (terheyt), brought to me by fate or chance, who noticed me there, listened to me rant while trying to hold back tears, and got me up and moving to the dojo.

I arrived at the dojo. I got changed. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and not do the class. I determined to at least enter the main area of the dojo. I walked in. I started, very slowly, doing warm-ups.

Class started. There was no turning back now. Despite a lingering headache, I actually made it through the warm-ups. We started doing the main part of the class. I helped my partner; she helped me. At some point during all this, the tension went out of the back of my neck and my headache subsided. I didn't feel like crying anymore.

At the end of the class, I realized I was feeling pretty good. I wasn't worried about the class anymore. Oh, it'll still be a challenge. It's still outside of my comfort zone. But at least now it's a challenge I'm willing to take on. I remembered somewhere along the way that I'm actually a good teacher, and I like what I do once I actually stand up in front of the class. It'll be a long two weeks as I prep and present a whole bunch of lessons I've never done before, but I'm up for it. Or, at least, I am for the moment, and that's what's important.

Yay for endorphins.