Books of 2010: 35. Click, by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman

[eveglass]

I very much enjoyed the Brafmans' first book, Sway, which described the irrational forces that guide our daily behaviors. (My review here.) So I was very much looking forward to their latest book, Click, subtitled "The magic of instant connections," and thankfully it didn't disappoint. We've all had those instant connections: love at first sight, a new friend you can talk to as though you've known each other your whole lives, a business connection who takes your game to the next level. The Brafman brothers argue in Click that these sorts of magical, instantaneous connections are not pure chance, but that we all have the ability to foster and encourage them.

The Brafmans point out five qualities behind "click" moments: 1. Vulnerability (if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and exposed, others will naturally feel closer to you and reciprocate). 2. Physical proximity (we're more likely to form a connection with our roommate than the guy down the hall, or our colleague in the next cubicle compared to one on another floor). 3. Resonance (being "in the zone" and actively engaging with the people around you encourages them to do the same). 4. Similarity (the more similarities you have with someone, even over trivial matters, the more likely you are to connect with them). 5. Safe Place (going through an adverse experience with someone, or being part of a defined "in-group").

In the last few chapters, the Brafmans describe that some people are naturally better at forming "click" connections with others. We've all met the sort of people who just naturally make friends wherever they go, and moreover who maintain those friendships over time. (My stepmom is a good example of this.) The Brafman brothers argue that these people are "high self-monitors," meaning that they modulate their own behaviors to match the people they're with, usually subconsciously. However, they add, we can use the five factors described in the main part of the book to encourage our own "click" experiences, because they bring out the best in us.

All told, this was a great book, and I very much enjoyed it. Highly recommended.