![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Winds of Vesperia
As we close this momentous chapter of Winds of Vesperia, let us take stock of where things stand. The king is dead and three queens have risen. The warforged is once more his true self. A paladin has regained his wings. And one lone dwarf is lost forever in the vastness of the planes.
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
[We open the session, as always, with a call for music.]
Kyn the GM: "It a dark, stormy night. We're starting with combat, by the way."
Charles: "Dark, stormy combat. Got it."
[The flaw in having a dark, stormy night in Vesperia is that there really aren't any storm clouds.]
Kyn the GM: "It's stormy! They use fucking spells to make it stormy! Happy?!"
[This will be the last session before Marc leaves for the summer.]
Pat: "So long as we have time to get Marc out of the game. I'm sure you have a plan."
Kyn the GM: "I do."
Pat: "Without killing him."
Kyn the GM: "I didn't say that."
[We start with everyone favorite Secundus of Sigil.]
Kyn the GM: "Which people would Garrett be camping with?"
Marc: "Probably the priests."
Kyn the GM: "Eesh that's bad for the priests."
[As chain lightening comes down amongst the priests and clerics, over in the officer's camp someone has been summoning monstrous scorpions. Three huge ones and one gargantuan one, to be precise.]
Lucius: *shoots the gargantuan scorpion*
Kyn the GM: "Round 2. The gargantuan one..."
Julie: "Has noticed someone is shooting at him."
[Jass jumps on the back of the gargantuan scorpion.]
Kyn the GM: *botches roll for the scorpion*
Gargantuan Monstrous Scorpion: *halfheartedly attempts to buck Jass* "...Eh, I'm sure that worked."
[The gargantuan scorpion may have lost track of Jass, but that doesn't mean there aren't a plethora of other targets.]
Kyn the GM: "The one who was supposed to attack Jass this round can't find him."
Julie: (as the scorpion) "Eat all the officers!"
[Things start to go poorly.]
Charles: "I got grappled."
Julie: "Why'd you go and do that?!"
Charles: "I wanted a hug."
Julie: "From a scorpion?!"
Charles: "I take what I can get."
[Jass is stung by the scorpion in the course of battle. The poison does Con damage.]
Officer: "He's not hurt -- he's poisoned. We need to wait for the clerics."
Kyn the GM: "Chain lightening explodes from the sky."
Julie: (as officer) "Those clerics?"
[The clerics are busy dealing with the chain lightening. Thankfully, we have luck on our side.]
Kyn the GM: "Dr. McNinja sucks the poison right out of the wound."
Julie: "When did Dr. McNinja get here?!"
Charles: "He's always been here."
[Lucius is injured. Jass is poisoned. Things don't look so great for Our Heroes (tm).]
Tony: "I heal Lucius."
Kyn the GM: "You can't get up. You have 2 Con."
Jass: "Come here, Lucius. Let me touch you."
[You know it's a real battle when...]
Jass: "I lost my shirt again."
[Meanwhile, a wall of stone has descended over all the eagles that the cavalry uses as mounts. Only a few escape unscathed.]
Kyn the GM: "Obviously Maxilia, being a dragon, can't be among eagles."
Tony: (as officer) "I don't understand. We had 10 of them here last night."
[Garrett has realized that all the spells are emanating from a scrying pool in the clouds. He flies up to go do something about it. Sela follows.]
Marc: "I have full immunity from electricity."
Julie: "...Oh, this is gonna hurt me."
[Garrett manages to seal the portal. Just before he does...]
Marc: "He gets a dwarven salute."
Tony: "That's a bare ass."
[It turns out that the Garrett that closed the portal was not in fact the real Garrett, who was safely quite a bit farther away. Sela was less-far away and got caught in the lightening blast.]
Therrion: "Oh, great Skyness you are! Can't even tell that the dwarf wasn't real!"
Garrett: "I'm refraining from saying anything about Therrion."
[In the aftermath of the battle, a war council is called.]
Kyn the GM: "Jericho starts the bad news."
DAX: "We got attacked?"
Everyone Else: *facepalm*
[Everyone gets their marching orders. For DAX, that involves taking the warforged and the warstriders to Pelsari in advance of the rest of the army and harrowing the walls.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Go now."
DAX: "For the Empire!"
Queen T'ainesa: "..."
DAX: "No?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Just go."
Julie: "And it was going so well!"
[More orders.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Garrett, see what you can do about these attacks."
Garrett: "To guard against them or to deal with them when they occur?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Yes."
[Jass, meanwhile, has orders to go talk to some assassins that Queen T'ainesa has hired to come along with the army. They are immediately visible in the mess tent.]
Marc: "They're bad assassins."
Tony: "They're good assassins. They just stand out from the rest of the army."
[Some background on the assassins.]
Kyn the GM: "They're magekillers. They kill... well, they kill everything. They prefer killing mages."
[Jass enters the bar in full-on dread pirate mode.]
Bartender: "Oh, look. I need to go wash... my goat."
[Jass lays out the commission for the assassins: kill the mages who caused the surprise attack on the army.]
Assassin: "Vardin archmages in a stronghold waiting to be attacked."
Jass: "Think of the bragging rights."
[The assassins agree in principle. Now it's time to haggle for price.]
Assassin: "Two thousand gold, and when she's queen, any..."
Jass: "Misdemeanors?"
Assassin: "...in the past..."
Jass: "What misdemeanors? I didn't hear about any."
[Jass settles on a price that might be slightly what T'ainesa wants but he figures is the best he can get.]
Tony: "I don't wanna push my luck with them."
Kyn the GM: "Good choice. They are your level."
Pat: "And they've been studying you for five minutes."
[The deal done, Jass takes a sip of his drink, and when he looks up again, the assassins have disappeared. In plain sight, as it were.]
Tony: "It must suck to play hide and seek in the assassin's guild."
[Jass delivers a report of his meeting with the assassins... as well as their price.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Of course. Because you and Sela think gold literally comes out of my ass."
Jass: "You do--"
Queen T'ainesa: "Shut up!"
[How to disseminate information 101.]
Marc: "I had wanted to get Jass to spread the rumor, but then I realized I have DAX around. I can just say something in his presence."
[We discover that the Falan archmages have accomplices in the camp.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Shall I have them picked up?"
Lucius: "Discreetly."
Queen T'ainesa: "I hate discreetly."
[Jass has intercepted a letter from the conspirators.]
Tony: "I don't look at it -- it might be warded."
Kyn the GM: *looks disappointed*
Tony: "I was a thief! I used to be a pirate!"
[Queen T'ainesa sends Jass and Garrett to deal with the conspirators. Garrett is planning on reading his mind at a discreet distance. We all know how this is going to end up.]
Queen T'ainesa: (to Sela) "I need you to meet up with Jass and Garrett in case... Who am I kidding? It's these two. Of course there will be trouble."
[We approach the conspirators.]
Kyn the GM: "Jass and Garrett, roll bluff."
Julie: "I don't need to roll bluff. I don't know what's going on."
[Meanwhile, DAX is moving forward with the non-living members of the army.]
Kyn the GM: "It's fun to travel with the warforged. None of this stopping to pee, eat, sleep..."
Pat: "Their social skills kinda suck, though."
[At the walls, DAX encounters the warforged general Eggbreaker.]
Eggbreaker: *fails all 7 of his attacks* "You're still alive."
DAX: "Of course!"
[Massive damage is dealt by both warforged.]
Marc: "Both armies are sorta like, 'What the fuck just happened?!'"
[Though victorious, DAX falls into unconsciousness from his wounds. It's time for DAX Prime to take over!]
DAX Prime: "It's about time."
DAX: "You're gonna kill a lot of innocent people!"
DAX Prime: "Good."
[DAX Prime is unleashed.]
DAX Prime: "I'm gonna kill everyone in the city."
Marc: "Why not just kill the king?"
[All actions have consequences.]
Pat: "Wait a sec, I just realized I'm not allowed to go Prime on Falan soil!"
Kyn the GM: *evil grin*
[Queen T'ainesa's orders are beginning to get more desperate.]
Kyn the GM: "She's not good. And the war is starting to wear at her..."
Pat: "Patience?"
Kyn the GM: "Morality."
[The news reaches the army's camp.]
Queen T'ainesa: "DAX Prime has been released."
Lucius: "At least we don't need to worry about our lack of siege engines."
[A glimpse into DAX Prime's mentality.]
Kyn the GM: "Warstriders are like presents! Rip them open and there's an elf inside!"
[Sela's cohort Aethil agrees to teleport Sela and Garrett into Pelsari in the hopes that they can deactivate DAX Prime.]
Garrett: "We'll see you inside the walls."
Sela: "Make sure Therrion doesn't eat anyone untoward."
[Sela informs Jericho of where she's going.]
Sela: "We're going to stem the tide of destruction."
Jericho: "Why?"
Sela: "Because it's a tide of destruction."
[Sela and Garrett arrive in the city, only to discover all sorts of aberrations unleashed by DAX Prime's rift ax.]
Kyn the GM: "These ones are bipedal creatures with just a jaw, and boy do they love to eat!"
[Sela and Garrett fight the aberration they arrived on top of.]
Kyn the GM: "Its action is to use its animated eyeballs on you. You have no idea what that means."
[The aberration is attacking an innocent family, including a young girl.]
Kyn the GM: "You have initiative. What do you do?"
Julie: "I attack what looks like its head. So much for invisibility."
[The little aberrations are problematic enough. And that's all before we get to DAX Prime.]
Sela: "What do you need to do?"
Garrett: "I need to get its attention."
Sela: "...Are you sure?"
[Amidst a raging DAX Prime...]
Sela: "I hate to ask this, Aethil, but you don't have another teleport spell to get us out of here, do you?"
Aethil Azadre: "..."
Sela: "That's what I thought."
[As we're trying to figure out what to do about DAX Prime, an even larger problem appears.]
Kyn the GM: "It is vile, anathema to any pure creature."
Julie: "Don't I wish I were Lucius now."
[The aberration is a yuan ti anathema, a CR 32 creature. DAX Prime engages with it.]
Yuan-Ti Anathema: "You cannot defeat me!"
DAX Prime: "I'm not here to defeat you -- I'm here to destroy you!"
[As the fight rages, Garrett manages to get inside DAX Prime's head, where Aradon and DAX are waiting in a small room.]
Garrett: "Do you know what he's fighting right now?"
DAX: "..."
Aradon: "A Yuan-Ti Anathema."
DAX: "...That's what I was gonna say."
[Garrett tries to open a window to the outside, but fails.]
Aradon: "There's nothing you can do. This is my mind! ...Our mind. ...His mind."
[Garrett tries to get Aradon and DAX to listen to him.]
Garrett: "DAX, you're an idiot. Aradon, you're... less of an idiot, but still an idiot."
[Garrett has a plan. If only he get his audience to understand it.]
Garrett: "I need you working in concert."
Aradon: "Concert?! I have a musical instrument!" *starts playing penny-whistle*
DAX: *starts singing*
[More of the same.]
Garrett: "I need you both to push forward."
DAX: "But who will win?"
Aradon: *facepalms* "...You make yourself facepalm. There aren't many people who can say that."
[Garrett tries to explain that his plan is to have DAX and Aradon work against DAX Prime while he, Garrett, accesses the matrix from the outside. In other words...]
Aradon: "Okay, Prime defeats the anathema, we push, Garrett distracts it from the outside until he runs out of time. Got it."
[DAX Prime defeats the anathema.]
Aradon: "Okay, we're supposed to push."
DAX and Aradon: *push at each other's hands for nearly 10 seconds*
Aradon: "Wait! Not against each other!"
[DAX and Aradon are unsuccessful. DAX Prime realizes what's happening.]
DAX Prime: "Garrett, I assume you're behind their coup attempt?"
Garrett: "Please! As though I could control those two."
[DAX Prime decides not to bother with Garrett and just get back to what he was doing.]
DAX Prime: *hefts ax* "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to make this world a better place."
[Finally, the cavalry arrives.]
Kyn the GM: "You see the swathe of destruction."
Jass: "I leave DAX alone for five minutes..."
[Reinforcements are sent to deal with the Prime.]
Warstrider: "DAX, we have orders to stop you. ...Please stop."
[Garrett still has his plan.]
Marc: "It's a fool's hope."
Tony: "And you have two fools helping you."
[In a climactic confrontation, the warstrider manages to strike with pinpoint precision, nearly cutting DAX Prime's head clean off. Sela stabs into the matrix, resetting it. Meanwhile, in DAX's head...]
Aradon: *grabs DAX Prime and fades away*
DAX: "No! I was gonna do that!"
[Elsewhere in the city, Jass and Lucius are trying to get the city guard as allies. They are interrupted.]
Lucius: "There's something here."
Jass: "What?"
Lucius: "I don't know."
Jass: "Do you want me to come with you?"
Lucius: "...Yes."
[Lucius has his wings. Not all of us are so lucky.]
Kyn the GM: "How is Jass getting to the scene?"
Jass: "Running on foot, I guess."
Kyn the GM: "Dramatically on the rooftops, please."
[The bad news is, the anathema regenerates and started rising again. The good news is, we manage to push it back into the rift from whence it came. The bad news is, Sela took a LOT of Con damage in the process.]
Garrett: "Do you have a potion of restoration?"
DAX: "Please. I used to be Aradon."
Garrett: "Something seems horribly amiss with the universe -- DAX was prepared for something."
[Sela is cured of her Con damage.]
Jass: "You okay?"
Sela: "Fine now."
Jass: "Good. Soldiers coming!"
[More of the same.]
Jass: "I'm glad to see you back on your feet, Sela."
Sela: "Me too. I'd never have heard the end of it if I died. Again."
[As we rush to the citadel, Jass, Sela, and T'ainesa start singing the song of the elves.]
Kyn the GM: "The song spreads like..."
Tony: "Wildfire."
Kyn the GM: "Yes. That's better than spreading like disease."
[In front of the approaching crowd, Lucius draws Dawnstrider's sword.]
Kyn the GM: "As that sword is drawn..."
Julie: "Phalaborwa, represent!"
Kyn the GM: "Yes. And from far, far away, you know Vita felt it."
Julie/Sela: "Good. I'm coming for you, you bastard."
[We arrive at the citadel. Most guards have realized they are on the wrong side of history. A few, though...]
Queen T'ainesa: "These are the royal knights."
Jass: "We'll give them a royal welcome."
[We reach the royal knights.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Admiral, get them out of my way."
Jass: "With pleasure."
[So long as the guards remain in their formation, they are effectively untouchable.]
Julie: "Get them out of formation."
Charles: "Or shatter one of their shields."
Julie: "That too. They can't be in a shield wall if they have no shields."
[The battle is joined!]
Sela: *crits and deals 110 damage in one hit*
DAX: "Welcome to the big leagues, Sela!"
Charles: "A proposal, breadsticks, crits..."
Julie: "I get everything today!"
[Queen T'ainesa was gonna cast a spell on the 5th round. Sadly for her, we polish off all the guards on the 4th round.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Ha! ...Oh, come on!"
Garrett: "You're getting slow in your old age."
Queen T'ainesa: "Fine! Let's just kill my grandfather!"
[More good news/bad news. The good news is Garrett has the absolute perfect spell to face T'ainesa's grandfather. The bad news is he can't cast it.]
Marc: "I calculated it. It's 625 damage"
Kyn the GM: "Sadly, the mythal is still active."
Marc: "...Well, fuck."
[The battle is joined!]
DAX: *strikes the devil-king*
Kyn the GM: "DAX, finally killing the right elf."
[Thanks to Lucius' channeling of the very powers of Orion himself, we manage to defeat Falan's king.]
Falan King: (weakly) "I rule the world..."
Lucius: "You said you would bring Vesperia together. You have."
[Sadly, while facing DAX Prime, Garrett got hit with the rift ax. The forces of his artifact book managed to keep the rift at bay long enough for us to take down the king, but in the aftermath, they are losing their hold.]
DAX: "Do you have any last requests?"
Garrett: "Keep up the good work. And try not to be an idiot."
[Garrett has left a cryptic note for the rest of us before he is ripped away to the planes.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Stubborn ass. He's gonna explain what that letter means if I have to follow him to hell!"
[Now that the king is dead, it's time for the coronation ceremony. Which means being appropriately attired. And for Phalaborwa's queen, that means not being in armor.]
Sela: "Fine! I'll meet with the tailor. We will come up with something appropriate."
Queen T'ainesa: "You realize we have six hours."
Sela: "Have you met him?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Good point."
[The problem with hierarchical monarchies is, as always, the logistics.]
High Queen Illustriel: "So it's gonna be my castle?"
Queen T'ainesa: "...Yes and no."
Jass: "I've gotta go prep. Bye!"
[We prepare for the coronation.]
Kyn the GM: "Not all of the king's lieutenants were killed. You can look forward to T'ainesa having a long reign of assassination attempts."
[The coronation ceremony begins.]
Julie: "Sela in in fact wearing a beautiful dress."
Tony: "I've only seen this once before."
[Describing the dress...]
Kyn the GM: "It's beautiful, free-flowing, revealing... and armored in all the right places."
[Everyone who's anyone is at the coronation ceremony.]
Charles: "Am I there?"
Kyn the GM: "Yes."
Charles: "I wonder what I'm doing."
Tony: "Standing around looking awkward."
[Duke Calayon strides into the hall.]
Kyn the GM: "The war is over, and fuck it, Galandreth won!"
Charles: "Technically."
[It's a Kyn game, which means there must always be an element of dread, even in moments of pure joy.]
Kyn the GM: "The High Queen takes her seat upon the throne. A pulse of energy radiates out from it, across the city and the world, unifying all the elves."
DAX: "Do you know how the humans found where we'll be? That pulse."
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
[We open the session, as always, with a call for music.]
Kyn the GM: "It a dark, stormy night. We're starting with combat, by the way."
Charles: "Dark, stormy combat. Got it."
[The flaw in having a dark, stormy night in Vesperia is that there really aren't any storm clouds.]
Kyn the GM: "It's stormy! They use fucking spells to make it stormy! Happy?!"
[This will be the last session before Marc leaves for the summer.]
Pat: "So long as we have time to get Marc out of the game. I'm sure you have a plan."
Kyn the GM: "I do."
Pat: "Without killing him."
Kyn the GM: "I didn't say that."
[We start with everyone favorite Secundus of Sigil.]
Kyn the GM: "Which people would Garrett be camping with?"
Marc: "Probably the priests."
Kyn the GM: "Eesh that's bad for the priests."
[As chain lightening comes down amongst the priests and clerics, over in the officer's camp someone has been summoning monstrous scorpions. Three huge ones and one gargantuan one, to be precise.]
Lucius: *shoots the gargantuan scorpion*
Kyn the GM: "Round 2. The gargantuan one..."
Julie: "Has noticed someone is shooting at him."
[Jass jumps on the back of the gargantuan scorpion.]
Kyn the GM: *botches roll for the scorpion*
Gargantuan Monstrous Scorpion: *halfheartedly attempts to buck Jass* "...Eh, I'm sure that worked."
[The gargantuan scorpion may have lost track of Jass, but that doesn't mean there aren't a plethora of other targets.]
Kyn the GM: "The one who was supposed to attack Jass this round can't find him."
Julie: (as the scorpion) "Eat all the officers!"
[Things start to go poorly.]
Charles: "I got grappled."
Julie: "Why'd you go and do that?!"
Charles: "I wanted a hug."
Julie: "From a scorpion?!"
Charles: "I take what I can get."
[Jass is stung by the scorpion in the course of battle. The poison does Con damage.]
Officer: "He's not hurt -- he's poisoned. We need to wait for the clerics."
Kyn the GM: "Chain lightening explodes from the sky."
Julie: (as officer) "Those clerics?"
[The clerics are busy dealing with the chain lightening. Thankfully, we have luck on our side.]
Kyn the GM: "Dr. McNinja sucks the poison right out of the wound."
Julie: "When did Dr. McNinja get here?!"
Charles: "He's always been here."
[Lucius is injured. Jass is poisoned. Things don't look so great for Our Heroes (tm).]
Tony: "I heal Lucius."
Kyn the GM: "You can't get up. You have 2 Con."
Jass: "Come here, Lucius. Let me touch you."
[You know it's a real battle when...]
Jass: "I lost my shirt again."
[Meanwhile, a wall of stone has descended over all the eagles that the cavalry uses as mounts. Only a few escape unscathed.]
Kyn the GM: "Obviously Maxilia, being a dragon, can't be among eagles."
Tony: (as officer) "I don't understand. We had 10 of them here last night."
[Garrett has realized that all the spells are emanating from a scrying pool in the clouds. He flies up to go do something about it. Sela follows.]
Marc: "I have full immunity from electricity."
Julie: "...Oh, this is gonna hurt me."
[Garrett manages to seal the portal. Just before he does...]
Marc: "He gets a dwarven salute."
Tony: "That's a bare ass."
[It turns out that the Garrett that closed the portal was not in fact the real Garrett, who was safely quite a bit farther away. Sela was less-far away and got caught in the lightening blast.]
Therrion: "Oh, great Skyness you are! Can't even tell that the dwarf wasn't real!"
Garrett: "I'm refraining from saying anything about Therrion."
[In the aftermath of the battle, a war council is called.]
Kyn the GM: "Jericho starts the bad news."
DAX: "We got attacked?"
Everyone Else: *facepalm*
[Everyone gets their marching orders. For DAX, that involves taking the warforged and the warstriders to Pelsari in advance of the rest of the army and harrowing the walls.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Go now."
DAX: "For the Empire!"
Queen T'ainesa: "..."
DAX: "No?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Just go."
Julie: "And it was going so well!"
[More orders.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Garrett, see what you can do about these attacks."
Garrett: "To guard against them or to deal with them when they occur?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Yes."
[Jass, meanwhile, has orders to go talk to some assassins that Queen T'ainesa has hired to come along with the army. They are immediately visible in the mess tent.]
Marc: "They're bad assassins."
Tony: "They're good assassins. They just stand out from the rest of the army."
[Some background on the assassins.]
Kyn the GM: "They're magekillers. They kill... well, they kill everything. They prefer killing mages."
[Jass enters the bar in full-on dread pirate mode.]
Bartender: "Oh, look. I need to go wash... my goat."
[Jass lays out the commission for the assassins: kill the mages who caused the surprise attack on the army.]
Assassin: "Vardin archmages in a stronghold waiting to be attacked."
Jass: "Think of the bragging rights."
[The assassins agree in principle. Now it's time to haggle for price.]
Assassin: "Two thousand gold, and when she's queen, any..."
Jass: "Misdemeanors?"
Assassin: "...in the past..."
Jass: "What misdemeanors? I didn't hear about any."
[Jass settles on a price that might be slightly what T'ainesa wants but he figures is the best he can get.]
Tony: "I don't wanna push my luck with them."
Kyn the GM: "Good choice. They are your level."
Pat: "And they've been studying you for five minutes."
[The deal done, Jass takes a sip of his drink, and when he looks up again, the assassins have disappeared. In plain sight, as it were.]
Tony: "It must suck to play hide and seek in the assassin's guild."
[Jass delivers a report of his meeting with the assassins... as well as their price.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Of course. Because you and Sela think gold literally comes out of my ass."
Jass: "You do--"
Queen T'ainesa: "Shut up!"
[How to disseminate information 101.]
Marc: "I had wanted to get Jass to spread the rumor, but then I realized I have DAX around. I can just say something in his presence."
[We discover that the Falan archmages have accomplices in the camp.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Shall I have them picked up?"
Lucius: "Discreetly."
Queen T'ainesa: "I hate discreetly."
[Jass has intercepted a letter from the conspirators.]
Tony: "I don't look at it -- it might be warded."
Kyn the GM: *looks disappointed*
Tony: "I was a thief! I used to be a pirate!"
[Queen T'ainesa sends Jass and Garrett to deal with the conspirators. Garrett is planning on reading his mind at a discreet distance. We all know how this is going to end up.]
Queen T'ainesa: (to Sela) "I need you to meet up with Jass and Garrett in case... Who am I kidding? It's these two. Of course there will be trouble."
[We approach the conspirators.]
Kyn the GM: "Jass and Garrett, roll bluff."
Julie: "I don't need to roll bluff. I don't know what's going on."
[Meanwhile, DAX is moving forward with the non-living members of the army.]
Kyn the GM: "It's fun to travel with the warforged. None of this stopping to pee, eat, sleep..."
Pat: "Their social skills kinda suck, though."
[At the walls, DAX encounters the warforged general Eggbreaker.]
Eggbreaker: *fails all 7 of his attacks* "You're still alive."
DAX: "Of course!"
[Massive damage is dealt by both warforged.]
Marc: "Both armies are sorta like, 'What the fuck just happened?!'"
[Though victorious, DAX falls into unconsciousness from his wounds. It's time for DAX Prime to take over!]
DAX Prime: "It's about time."
DAX: "You're gonna kill a lot of innocent people!"
DAX Prime: "Good."
[DAX Prime is unleashed.]
DAX Prime: "I'm gonna kill everyone in the city."
Marc: "Why not just kill the king?"
[All actions have consequences.]
Pat: "Wait a sec, I just realized I'm not allowed to go Prime on Falan soil!"
Kyn the GM: *evil grin*
[Queen T'ainesa's orders are beginning to get more desperate.]
Kyn the GM: "She's not good. And the war is starting to wear at her..."
Pat: "Patience?"
Kyn the GM: "Morality."
[The news reaches the army's camp.]
Queen T'ainesa: "DAX Prime has been released."
Lucius: "At least we don't need to worry about our lack of siege engines."
[A glimpse into DAX Prime's mentality.]
Kyn the GM: "Warstriders are like presents! Rip them open and there's an elf inside!"
[Sela's cohort Aethil agrees to teleport Sela and Garrett into Pelsari in the hopes that they can deactivate DAX Prime.]
Garrett: "We'll see you inside the walls."
Sela: "Make sure Therrion doesn't eat anyone untoward."
[Sela informs Jericho of where she's going.]
Sela: "We're going to stem the tide of destruction."
Jericho: "Why?"
Sela: "Because it's a tide of destruction."
[Sela and Garrett arrive in the city, only to discover all sorts of aberrations unleashed by DAX Prime's rift ax.]
Kyn the GM: "These ones are bipedal creatures with just a jaw, and boy do they love to eat!"
[Sela and Garrett fight the aberration they arrived on top of.]
Kyn the GM: "Its action is to use its animated eyeballs on you. You have no idea what that means."
[The aberration is attacking an innocent family, including a young girl.]
Kyn the GM: "You have initiative. What do you do?"
Julie: "I attack what looks like its head. So much for invisibility."
[The little aberrations are problematic enough. And that's all before we get to DAX Prime.]
Sela: "What do you need to do?"
Garrett: "I need to get its attention."
Sela: "...Are you sure?"
[Amidst a raging DAX Prime...]
Sela: "I hate to ask this, Aethil, but you don't have another teleport spell to get us out of here, do you?"
Aethil Azadre: "..."
Sela: "That's what I thought."
[As we're trying to figure out what to do about DAX Prime, an even larger problem appears.]
Kyn the GM: "It is vile, anathema to any pure creature."
Julie: "Don't I wish I were Lucius now."
[The aberration is a yuan ti anathema, a CR 32 creature. DAX Prime engages with it.]
Yuan-Ti Anathema: "You cannot defeat me!"
DAX Prime: "I'm not here to defeat you -- I'm here to destroy you!"
[As the fight rages, Garrett manages to get inside DAX Prime's head, where Aradon and DAX are waiting in a small room.]
Garrett: "Do you know what he's fighting right now?"
DAX: "..."
Aradon: "A Yuan-Ti Anathema."
DAX: "...That's what I was gonna say."
[Garrett tries to open a window to the outside, but fails.]
Aradon: "There's nothing you can do. This is my mind! ...Our mind. ...His mind."
[Garrett tries to get Aradon and DAX to listen to him.]
Garrett: "DAX, you're an idiot. Aradon, you're... less of an idiot, but still an idiot."
[Garrett has a plan. If only he get his audience to understand it.]
Garrett: "I need you working in concert."
Aradon: "Concert?! I have a musical instrument!" *starts playing penny-whistle*
DAX: *starts singing*
[More of the same.]
Garrett: "I need you both to push forward."
DAX: "But who will win?"
Aradon: *facepalms* "...You make yourself facepalm. There aren't many people who can say that."
[Garrett tries to explain that his plan is to have DAX and Aradon work against DAX Prime while he, Garrett, accesses the matrix from the outside. In other words...]
Aradon: "Okay, Prime defeats the anathema, we push, Garrett distracts it from the outside until he runs out of time. Got it."
[DAX Prime defeats the anathema.]
Aradon: "Okay, we're supposed to push."
DAX and Aradon: *push at each other's hands for nearly 10 seconds*
Aradon: "Wait! Not against each other!"
[DAX and Aradon are unsuccessful. DAX Prime realizes what's happening.]
DAX Prime: "Garrett, I assume you're behind their coup attempt?"
Garrett: "Please! As though I could control those two."
[DAX Prime decides not to bother with Garrett and just get back to what he was doing.]
DAX Prime: *hefts ax* "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to make this world a better place."
[Finally, the cavalry arrives.]
Kyn the GM: "You see the swathe of destruction."
Jass: "I leave DAX alone for five minutes..."
[Reinforcements are sent to deal with the Prime.]
Warstrider: "DAX, we have orders to stop you. ...Please stop."
[Garrett still has his plan.]
Marc: "It's a fool's hope."
Tony: "And you have two fools helping you."
[In a climactic confrontation, the warstrider manages to strike with pinpoint precision, nearly cutting DAX Prime's head clean off. Sela stabs into the matrix, resetting it. Meanwhile, in DAX's head...]
Aradon: *grabs DAX Prime and fades away*
DAX: "No! I was gonna do that!"
[Elsewhere in the city, Jass and Lucius are trying to get the city guard as allies. They are interrupted.]
Lucius: "There's something here."
Jass: "What?"
Lucius: "I don't know."
Jass: "Do you want me to come with you?"
Lucius: "...Yes."
[Lucius has his wings. Not all of us are so lucky.]
Kyn the GM: "How is Jass getting to the scene?"
Jass: "Running on foot, I guess."
Kyn the GM: "Dramatically on the rooftops, please."
[The bad news is, the anathema regenerates and started rising again. The good news is, we manage to push it back into the rift from whence it came. The bad news is, Sela took a LOT of Con damage in the process.]
Garrett: "Do you have a potion of restoration?"
DAX: "Please. I used to be Aradon."
Garrett: "Something seems horribly amiss with the universe -- DAX was prepared for something."
[Sela is cured of her Con damage.]
Jass: "You okay?"
Sela: "Fine now."
Jass: "Good. Soldiers coming!"
[More of the same.]
Jass: "I'm glad to see you back on your feet, Sela."
Sela: "Me too. I'd never have heard the end of it if I died. Again."
[As we rush to the citadel, Jass, Sela, and T'ainesa start singing the song of the elves.]
Kyn the GM: "The song spreads like..."
Tony: "Wildfire."
Kyn the GM: "Yes. That's better than spreading like disease."
[In front of the approaching crowd, Lucius draws Dawnstrider's sword.]
Kyn the GM: "As that sword is drawn..."
Julie: "Phalaborwa, represent!"
Kyn the GM: "Yes. And from far, far away, you know Vita felt it."
Julie/Sela: "Good. I'm coming for you, you bastard."
[We arrive at the citadel. Most guards have realized they are on the wrong side of history. A few, though...]
Queen T'ainesa: "These are the royal knights."
Jass: "We'll give them a royal welcome."
[We reach the royal knights.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Admiral, get them out of my way."
Jass: "With pleasure."
[So long as the guards remain in their formation, they are effectively untouchable.]
Julie: "Get them out of formation."
Charles: "Or shatter one of their shields."
Julie: "That too. They can't be in a shield wall if they have no shields."
[The battle is joined!]
Sela: *crits and deals 110 damage in one hit*
DAX: "Welcome to the big leagues, Sela!"
Charles: "A proposal, breadsticks, crits..."
Julie: "I get everything today!"
[Queen T'ainesa was gonna cast a spell on the 5th round. Sadly for her, we polish off all the guards on the 4th round.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Ha! ...Oh, come on!"
Garrett: "You're getting slow in your old age."
Queen T'ainesa: "Fine! Let's just kill my grandfather!"
[More good news/bad news. The good news is Garrett has the absolute perfect spell to face T'ainesa's grandfather. The bad news is he can't cast it.]
Marc: "I calculated it. It's 625 damage"
Kyn the GM: "Sadly, the mythal is still active."
Marc: "...Well, fuck."
[The battle is joined!]
DAX: *strikes the devil-king*
Kyn the GM: "DAX, finally killing the right elf."
[Thanks to Lucius' channeling of the very powers of Orion himself, we manage to defeat Falan's king.]
Falan King: (weakly) "I rule the world..."
Lucius: "You said you would bring Vesperia together. You have."
[Sadly, while facing DAX Prime, Garrett got hit with the rift ax. The forces of his artifact book managed to keep the rift at bay long enough for us to take down the king, but in the aftermath, they are losing their hold.]
DAX: "Do you have any last requests?"
Garrett: "Keep up the good work. And try not to be an idiot."
[Garrett has left a cryptic note for the rest of us before he is ripped away to the planes.]
Queen T'ainesa: "Stubborn ass. He's gonna explain what that letter means if I have to follow him to hell!"
[Now that the king is dead, it's time for the coronation ceremony. Which means being appropriately attired. And for Phalaborwa's queen, that means not being in armor.]
Sela: "Fine! I'll meet with the tailor. We will come up with something appropriate."
Queen T'ainesa: "You realize we have six hours."
Sela: "Have you met him?"
Queen T'ainesa: "Good point."
[The problem with hierarchical monarchies is, as always, the logistics.]
High Queen Illustriel: "So it's gonna be my castle?"
Queen T'ainesa: "...Yes and no."
Jass: "I've gotta go prep. Bye!"
[We prepare for the coronation.]
Kyn the GM: "Not all of the king's lieutenants were killed. You can look forward to T'ainesa having a long reign of assassination attempts."
[The coronation ceremony begins.]
Julie: "Sela in in fact wearing a beautiful dress."
Tony: "I've only seen this once before."
[Describing the dress...]
Kyn the GM: "It's beautiful, free-flowing, revealing... and armored in all the right places."
[Everyone who's anyone is at the coronation ceremony.]
Charles: "Am I there?"
Kyn the GM: "Yes."
Charles: "I wonder what I'm doing."
Tony: "Standing around looking awkward."
[Duke Calayon strides into the hall.]
Kyn the GM: "The war is over, and fuck it, Galandreth won!"
Charles: "Technically."
[It's a Kyn game, which means there must always be an element of dread, even in moments of pure joy.]
Kyn the GM: "The High Queen takes her seat upon the throne. A pulse of energy radiates out from it, across the city and the world, unifying all the elves."
DAX: "Do you know how the humans found where we'll be? That pulse."