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Fey Me Twice
Player vs. player! When Kastin tries to take Biere Stonegaze's sword -- a sword she shouldn't know exists -- things get dangerous real fast. Especially when a certain skin-stealer steps into the mix.
[Andrew collects the some loot from Tanbel. One item appears to be a belt of giant strength. Except it isn't.]
Adam the GM: "This is hilarious. I'm sorry, Andrew. When Biere puts on the belt, he's suddenly a very buxom fetchling."
[Last session, Tanbel had escaped and many of Sir Garland's men were going to hunt him down. The PCs decide whether to go with them.]
Andrew: "There's no reward for murdering this guy."
Shawn: "Murder is its own reward, especially if you get away with it."
[We find a set of tracks that appear to have been covered over.]
Robert: "Does it look like he did a good job of covering them up?"
Eric: "Well, we found them."
[We follow the set of tracks.]
Andrew: "What happens when we catch up with him?"
Eric: "We die."
[Continuing to follow the tracks.]
Adam the GM: "He seems to be fleeing to the areas with the dragons and hydras."
Julie: "Fuck that."
Robert: "How bad do we want to catch him?"
Julie: "Not that bad."
[Wit and wisdom from the world of Atraxian.]
Atraxian: "We'll get along famously, like a house on fire. Wait, that's not a good thing."
[We return to camp and inform the camp tracker, a somewhat simple man named Collin, about the tracks.]
Biere: "Go forth, dragon-bait, and conquer. I'm sure you'll be fine."
[Collin and two of his companions go off to follow Tanbel's tracks.]
Andrew: "I'm sure if something horrible happens to them, we'll hear about it."
[The next morning, Kastin prepares to leave the group. First, however, Atraxian wants to look at the various magical swords she's acquired.]
Kastin: "You can look at the swords one at a time. They need to be kept in order or they'll flop all over the place."
Atraxian: "...I see nothing unusual in that."
[Among Kastin's swords is one that, unbeknownst to the rest of the party, she stole from Biere.]
Biere: "I forged that!"
Kastin: "You forged an elven rapier?"
Aarevan: "I think we should take this as seriously as everything else he says." *ignores Biere*
[Biere tries to make his case.]
Kastin: "Okay, when did you forge this?"
Biere: "Just last week!"
Kastin: "We haven't had a forge with us since we started traveling."
Biere: "...That's a good point."
[Of course, some people don't really care about the sword at all.]
Atraxian: "I weary of this! I go quest for bacon!"
[Among the swords that Kastin's leaving with is a fey-killing artifact, currently in the form of a rusty dagger.]
Shawn: "I think letting her wander off with an artifact is hilarious. I think it'll end horribly for her, but knock yourself out."
[Atraxian lets Sir Garland know that Kastin is leaving with all the swords.]
Sir Garland: "What?! You have what?!"
Atraxian: "Well, not anymore."
[Sir Garland tells Atraxian to go get the dagger back from Kastin.]
Atraxian: "I dunno. Usually she's the one who tells me who and who not to kill. I guess I'll have to ask her if I can kill her. I assume she'll say no."
[When a simple request is not enough, Sir Garland magically compels Atraxian.]
Atraxian: "Must... kill... Kastin..."
Eric: "He can't compel you to do anything against your alignm-- oh, wait."
[Of course, wanting to go kill someone is not entirely out of character for Atraxian.]
Aarevan: "I assume this has something to do with bacon." *ignores Atraxian*
[The compulsion is, apparently, a chain compulsion, drawing all the rest of the PCs in as well.]
Aarevan: "I don't care about the dagger. I just need it."
[Everyone finally catches up with Kastin... just as the spell's wearing off.]
Sionach: "Kastin, can we have the dagger back?"
Kastin: "Why?"
Sionach: "Um... uh... God fucking damn it! Never mind! Keep it!"
[The effect has not quite worn off for Biere yet.]
Biere: "I know we need it as well as I know I forged that rapier!"
[Atraxian joins the parley.]
Atraxian: "Kastin, I really, really want it. Really, really, really."
Adam the GM: "The spell has worn off."
Atraxian: "...Motherfucker!"
[Biere, meanwhile, is trying to steal back his rapier from Kastin.]
Kastin: "Does anyone want to help Biere before he hurts himself?"
Robert: "I throw an explosive bomb at Biere."
Eric: "Subtle."
Biere: "Why don't you throw it at her?!"
Sionach/Robert: "Because she's not killing us. Anyway, this conversation isn't happening because I'm throwing a bomb at you!"
[Biere gets set on fire by the explosive bomb. Despite that, he's still attacking Kastin to get his sword back.]
Julie: "Does being on fire on give him negatives to attack?"
Adam the GM: "Apparently not."
Shawn: "It's a wonderful motivator."
[Aarevan joins the fight. Kinda.]
Eric: *succeeds on tumble check but fails attack roll*
Adam the GM: "You are swift and nimble... and forget to attack."
[The fight between Biere and Kastin continues, mostly with Biere attacking Kastin and Kastin failing to cast mind-effecting spells on Biere.]
Adam the GM: "You know what we need here? That mass-murdering guy Atraxian. I bet he'd clear this all up."
Aarevan: "I admit, attacking Biere right now has a certain appeal."
Atraxian: "This'll all sort itself out. Ooh, let's go watch!"
[Kastin finally succeeds in casting a spell on Biere that makes him narcissistic. Part of the effect is that he needs to be defensive in combat, to prevent himself from getting scarred or injured.]
Biere: "I want the sword, but I love my face..."
[Kastin finally takes the sword away from Biere.]
Kastin: "You're not worthy of this." *rides away*
[In the fight, Atraxian managed to reclaim the rusty artifact dagger. It occurs to everyone that they might not want to bring it back to Sir Garland.]
Aarevan: "South is nice this time of year."
[While most people are in favor of just leaving the fey woods, Atraxian is the dissenting voice.]
Atraxian: "I need to find the skin-stealer for reasons that are totally reasonable but that I can't explain."
Aarevan: "Is anyone here not mind-controlled?!"
[While this argument is happening...]
Adam the GM: "Collin appears. His skin is kinda drooping."
Atraxian: (enraged) "You!"
Eric: "He may have just chosen a very bad time to interrupt the group."
[Yes, it turns out the skin-stealer has stolen Collin's skin. He freezes Atraxian as he attacks.]
Skin-Stealer: "No one was supposed to notice." *takes dagger*
Shawn: "You can't see my eyes, but I'm furious."
[The skin stealer leaves... with one final command.]
Skin-Stealer: "Kill all your friends."
Shawn: "I'm sorry in advance."
Eric: "Wait, we're not actually your friends! At best, we're companions."
[Atraxian rolls very poorly in the combat.]
Julie: "You're usually better than this."
Shawn: "I'm not usually on fire."
[Meanwhile, other people have other priorities.]
Eric: "I quadruple-move back to the fort."
Andrew: "I follow him, looking for something reflective until I realize I have a mirror in my pack."
[Sionach has climbed up a tree. Atraxian pursues him.]
Atraxian: "I just want to talk to you, Sionach!"
Sioanch: "I don't think that's true!"
[Aarevan reaches the fort.]
Eric: "I'm going to report that Atraxian has gone crazy."
Adam the GM: "Do you use the words 'shoot to kill'?"
[Sabina got to the session late, so her character Liriel wasn't involved in any of the fights or mind-control spells.]
Aarevan: "If you see Atraxian, run!"
Liriel: "It finally happened, didn't it?"
Biere: "I'm so pretty! Do you have a mirror?"
Liriel: "...That, I wasn't expecting."
[The spell wears off on Atraxian.]
Robert: (as Atraxian) "Urge to kill... shifting laterally..."
[Atraxian returns to the base.]
Sir Garland: "Halt! Your companion said you were insane."
Atraxian: "I was trying to kill them, but I'm better now."
[In the aftermath of the fights, Sir Garland wants to know what's going on.]
Sir Garland: "Did you get the dagger back from Kastin?"
Aarevan: "Well, it turns out that she went crazy, was mind-controlled by the swords, wound up trading the dagger to Atraxian, but then it was taken by the skin-stealer who, incidentally, probably killed your tracker Collin and took his skin."
Sir Garland: *boggles*
[The question now is, what happens next?]
Aarevan: "At this point, I have to say I'm not entirely comfortable adventuring with the rest of our party."
And that's it, my last "Fey Me Twice" update. I'll be leaving the game to go start karate again, so you'll be able to follow my other semi-occasional series, "Life Lessons from the Dojo." In the meantime, hopefully someone else will pick up the 'lines of the night' torch, because I can't wait to see what other hilarious situations this party gets itself into.
[Andrew collects the some loot from Tanbel. One item appears to be a belt of giant strength. Except it isn't.]
Adam the GM: "This is hilarious. I'm sorry, Andrew. When Biere puts on the belt, he's suddenly a very buxom fetchling."
[Last session, Tanbel had escaped and many of Sir Garland's men were going to hunt him down. The PCs decide whether to go with them.]
Andrew: "There's no reward for murdering this guy."
Shawn: "Murder is its own reward, especially if you get away with it."
[We find a set of tracks that appear to have been covered over.]
Robert: "Does it look like he did a good job of covering them up?"
Eric: "Well, we found them."
[We follow the set of tracks.]
Andrew: "What happens when we catch up with him?"
Eric: "We die."
[Continuing to follow the tracks.]
Adam the GM: "He seems to be fleeing to the areas with the dragons and hydras."
Julie: "Fuck that."
Robert: "How bad do we want to catch him?"
Julie: "Not that bad."
[Wit and wisdom from the world of Atraxian.]
Atraxian: "We'll get along famously, like a house on fire. Wait, that's not a good thing."
[We return to camp and inform the camp tracker, a somewhat simple man named Collin, about the tracks.]
Biere: "Go forth, dragon-bait, and conquer. I'm sure you'll be fine."
[Collin and two of his companions go off to follow Tanbel's tracks.]
Andrew: "I'm sure if something horrible happens to them, we'll hear about it."
[The next morning, Kastin prepares to leave the group. First, however, Atraxian wants to look at the various magical swords she's acquired.]
Kastin: "You can look at the swords one at a time. They need to be kept in order or they'll flop all over the place."
Atraxian: "...I see nothing unusual in that."
[Among Kastin's swords is one that, unbeknownst to the rest of the party, she stole from Biere.]
Biere: "I forged that!"
Kastin: "You forged an elven rapier?"
Aarevan: "I think we should take this as seriously as everything else he says." *ignores Biere*
[Biere tries to make his case.]
Kastin: "Okay, when did you forge this?"
Biere: "Just last week!"
Kastin: "We haven't had a forge with us since we started traveling."
Biere: "...That's a good point."
[Of course, some people don't really care about the sword at all.]
Atraxian: "I weary of this! I go quest for bacon!"
[Among the swords that Kastin's leaving with is a fey-killing artifact, currently in the form of a rusty dagger.]
Shawn: "I think letting her wander off with an artifact is hilarious. I think it'll end horribly for her, but knock yourself out."
[Atraxian lets Sir Garland know that Kastin is leaving with all the swords.]
Sir Garland: "What?! You have what?!"
Atraxian: "Well, not anymore."
[Sir Garland tells Atraxian to go get the dagger back from Kastin.]
Atraxian: "I dunno. Usually she's the one who tells me who and who not to kill. I guess I'll have to ask her if I can kill her. I assume she'll say no."
[When a simple request is not enough, Sir Garland magically compels Atraxian.]
Atraxian: "Must... kill... Kastin..."
Eric: "He can't compel you to do anything against your alignm-- oh, wait."
[Of course, wanting to go kill someone is not entirely out of character for Atraxian.]
Aarevan: "I assume this has something to do with bacon." *ignores Atraxian*
[The compulsion is, apparently, a chain compulsion, drawing all the rest of the PCs in as well.]
Aarevan: "I don't care about the dagger. I just need it."
[Everyone finally catches up with Kastin... just as the spell's wearing off.]
Sionach: "Kastin, can we have the dagger back?"
Kastin: "Why?"
Sionach: "Um... uh... God fucking damn it! Never mind! Keep it!"
[The effect has not quite worn off for Biere yet.]
Biere: "I know we need it as well as I know I forged that rapier!"
[Atraxian joins the parley.]
Atraxian: "Kastin, I really, really want it. Really, really, really."
Adam the GM: "The spell has worn off."
Atraxian: "...Motherfucker!"
[Biere, meanwhile, is trying to steal back his rapier from Kastin.]
Kastin: "Does anyone want to help Biere before he hurts himself?"
Robert: "I throw an explosive bomb at Biere."
Eric: "Subtle."
Biere: "Why don't you throw it at her?!"
Sionach/Robert: "Because she's not killing us. Anyway, this conversation isn't happening because I'm throwing a bomb at you!"
[Biere gets set on fire by the explosive bomb. Despite that, he's still attacking Kastin to get his sword back.]
Julie: "Does being on fire on give him negatives to attack?"
Adam the GM: "Apparently not."
Shawn: "It's a wonderful motivator."
[Aarevan joins the fight. Kinda.]
Eric: *succeeds on tumble check but fails attack roll*
Adam the GM: "You are swift and nimble... and forget to attack."
[The fight between Biere and Kastin continues, mostly with Biere attacking Kastin and Kastin failing to cast mind-effecting spells on Biere.]
Adam the GM: "You know what we need here? That mass-murdering guy Atraxian. I bet he'd clear this all up."
Aarevan: "I admit, attacking Biere right now has a certain appeal."
Atraxian: "This'll all sort itself out. Ooh, let's go watch!"
[Kastin finally succeeds in casting a spell on Biere that makes him narcissistic. Part of the effect is that he needs to be defensive in combat, to prevent himself from getting scarred or injured.]
Biere: "I want the sword, but I love my face..."
[Kastin finally takes the sword away from Biere.]
Kastin: "You're not worthy of this." *rides away*
[In the fight, Atraxian managed to reclaim the rusty artifact dagger. It occurs to everyone that they might not want to bring it back to Sir Garland.]
Aarevan: "South is nice this time of year."
[While most people are in favor of just leaving the fey woods, Atraxian is the dissenting voice.]
Atraxian: "I need to find the skin-stealer for reasons that are totally reasonable but that I can't explain."
Aarevan: "Is anyone here not mind-controlled?!"
[While this argument is happening...]
Adam the GM: "Collin appears. His skin is kinda drooping."
Atraxian: (enraged) "You!"
Eric: "He may have just chosen a very bad time to interrupt the group."
[Yes, it turns out the skin-stealer has stolen Collin's skin. He freezes Atraxian as he attacks.]
Skin-Stealer: "No one was supposed to notice." *takes dagger*
Shawn: "You can't see my eyes, but I'm furious."
[The skin stealer leaves... with one final command.]
Skin-Stealer: "Kill all your friends."
Shawn: "I'm sorry in advance."
Eric: "Wait, we're not actually your friends! At best, we're companions."
[Atraxian rolls very poorly in the combat.]
Julie: "You're usually better than this."
Shawn: "I'm not usually on fire."
[Meanwhile, other people have other priorities.]
Eric: "I quadruple-move back to the fort."
Andrew: "I follow him, looking for something reflective until I realize I have a mirror in my pack."
[Sionach has climbed up a tree. Atraxian pursues him.]
Atraxian: "I just want to talk to you, Sionach!"
Sioanch: "I don't think that's true!"
[Aarevan reaches the fort.]
Eric: "I'm going to report that Atraxian has gone crazy."
Adam the GM: "Do you use the words 'shoot to kill'?"
[Sabina got to the session late, so her character Liriel wasn't involved in any of the fights or mind-control spells.]
Aarevan: "If you see Atraxian, run!"
Liriel: "It finally happened, didn't it?"
Biere: "I'm so pretty! Do you have a mirror?"
Liriel: "...That, I wasn't expecting."
[The spell wears off on Atraxian.]
Robert: (as Atraxian) "Urge to kill... shifting laterally..."
[Atraxian returns to the base.]
Sir Garland: "Halt! Your companion said you were insane."
Atraxian: "I was trying to kill them, but I'm better now."
[In the aftermath of the fights, Sir Garland wants to know what's going on.]
Sir Garland: "Did you get the dagger back from Kastin?"
Aarevan: "Well, it turns out that she went crazy, was mind-controlled by the swords, wound up trading the dagger to Atraxian, but then it was taken by the skin-stealer who, incidentally, probably killed your tracker Collin and took his skin."
Sir Garland: *boggles*
[The question now is, what happens next?]
Aarevan: "At this point, I have to say I'm not entirely comfortable adventuring with the rest of our party."
And that's it, my last "Fey Me Twice" update. I'll be leaving the game to go start karate again, so you'll be able to follow my other semi-occasional series, "Life Lessons from the Dojo." In the meantime, hopefully someone else will pick up the 'lines of the night' torch, because I can't wait to see what other hilarious situations this party gets itself into.